Perpetual Sadness.

Jaune: ...Pyrrha when I said, 'I'd kill for some OJ', I didn't mean literally!

Pyrrha: 😅 oops?

Jaune: You just can't 'haha oopsie doodle' out of this! who did you kill for this? And WHY?

Pyrrha: oh you know just a bad person, don't worry about it Jaune, come come, ive got a whole pitcher of OJ we can have together~

-

Jaune smiles at Weiss and Ruby, who both looked at him with concern, as he walks away from a destroyed room, sledge hammer in one hand, Flashclang in another.

Voices: 1

Robber 2: Ha yeah, oh. Lemme check the fridge all this villany has gotten me thirsty.

Robber 2 check fridge and find some chocolate milk!

Robber 2: Score! *grabs and begins chugging from the jug*

Robber: Hurry up man, we gotta scram before the people wake up.

Robber 2 was still chugging.

Robber 1 went to check on his friend.

Robber: come on its just chocolate-

He taps him on the shoulder and his friend shattered like glass.

Robber: !!!!

Stumbling backwards he fell on his butt, scrambling back, he backed into something, a pair of legs, looking up he saw a pair of pink and brown eyes staring down at him, annoyed.

She was holding a crowbar...and was that a...a flashbang zip tied to it.

'Neo Defender of Choccy Milk'

appeared before him as well as a health bar and was that music? *Unholy Sieg plays ominously in the background*

Robber 1: What the fu- *Flashclanged*

-

Jaune with a tied up Robber 2.

Jaune: Something about a girl, a flashbang and crowbar just knows how to get me all giggly.

Neo comes into scene dragging an unconscious Robber 1.

Jaune: Police are on their way hun, so if you wanna beat them senseless before they get here, make it fast.

Neo just shakes her head, just grabbing Jaunes hand and leading them back into their home, wanting to crawl back into bed after being rudely disturbed

Ruby: I need YOU to invest into this new product tbat I have made!

Weiss: ...what is it?

Ruby giggles insanely as she pulls back some curtains.

Ruby: Introducing the BOLT FUCKER 5000.

The curtains revealed Jaune, wearing only pants being held up by suspenders.

He holding some piece of metal.

Weiss: 🫪

Ruby: 🫪

Ruby: Do not let this sexy man blind you! The bolt fucker 5000 is the best piece of leverage any handy man/woman could ever have! Think of all those times you couldnt unbolt a bolt because you didnt have enough leverage.

Ruby: but now *mad laughter* now, with this tool, no more wrench slipping, no more bruised knuckles! You just slip on this over your wrench and voila, leverage for days!

Ruby: annnnd if you want more leverage? Slip on a breaker bar, whats that? Not enough? Then slip on a cheater pipe and their you have it, Thick, juicy lenghty girthy leverage!

Weiss: 🫪

Jaune: ...uh not that im complaining, it is a little hot but why did you need me to present this with my shirt off Ruby?

Ruby: Marketing 101 my dear Jaune, give the people a product they need.

Jaune: ...huh?

Weiss: 🫪

-

*Up in heaven*

Pyrrha: 🫪

GoL: Oh thank me, she calmed down.

-

In a tree, in another dimension.

Neo: 🫪🤤

Blacksmith: What the...

*ding*

Message from his girlfriend, Neo.

Neo: Coming to pick you up in five minutes. <3

Jaune: Oh what for?

She didnt respond, and Jaune just took that as a 'Get dressed and ready'.

A few honks, came minutes later and their was Neo smiling at him from the window of the car, waving him to come in.

Rolling up to the window, he noticed she was playing loud music, but not caring to much, he made sure to give her a swift kiss and made his way into the passenger seat.

Immediately, Neo handed him a white monster, still having that smile.

Jaune: Oh thanks!

Having found the music to be slightly to loud, he turned the volume down.

Jaune: So whats on the agenda-

???: mmmpphhh! mmmmph!

Some poor croney stooge was tied up.

Jaune: ...

Neo: 😇

Jaune: ...how much?

Neo: 🤑

Jaune: ...well we always wanted to go on that cruise.

Neo: 🤤

Jaune: My little psycho.

Jaune: ...ooookay what is it?

Ruby: What. Is. This!?

Ruby holds a crowbar, that has a flashbang attached to it.

Jaune: Ahh, you've met the Flashclang!

Ruby: The what!?

Jaune: Yep, personal home defense crowbar! Made it myself!

Ruby: ...but why? You have your sword?

Jaune: Hey, Crocea needs some rest too ya know!

Ruby: Is this even practical?

Jaune: What do you mean, I just pull the pin and give any intruder a good 'whack'. Neo admires it!

Ruby: Neo admires anything that can inflict the most amount of pain, but that besides the point, Jaune aren't you worried about the draw back? You know getting hit by your own flashbang?

Jaune: ....nah, not really.

Ruby: W-why not?

Jaune: Think your gonna play any important significance again?

Jaune looks at Tree branch-Neo.

Jaune: Oooh? Thats pretty cryptic! Tell me more!

-

Ruby: Jaune talking to a tree branch again?

Ren: Yep.

Ruby: Does he still think were a show or something.

Ren: He mentioned vol. 1-9 so im going to assume so.

Neo: Did you bring protection~

Jaune:

Jaune: What foul demon is up there?

Angels: ...I don't understand why were here? Its not like he's going to address the complaints.

GoL: Now I understand their is a degree of frustration regarding my decisions regarding a certain blonde knight!

Angel: Oh? Maybe he is actaully-

GoL: And im going to show you how DUMB you guys really are!

GoL: *snaps fingers and a Jaune appears*

Jaune: What!? Where? I was with Pyrrha and our kids!?

GoL: Hello my champion!

Jaune: T-the God of Light!? Wha-what am I doing here?

GoL: Oh im here to prove a point to all my loyal followers! See Jaune here comes uh-your timeline right Angel #32?

Angel #32: Erm- yeah, I made it so Pyrrha and Jaune, were able to work together and stop Cinder together, go through Beacon, do a few years of Huntsmen work, before finally settling down and having a family.

GoL: See folks? Wholesome-toothsome you could say and its all so perfect.

Angel: *all agree happily with angel it's careful work*

GoL: BUT IT COULD BE BETTER! *a projection opens up of Jaune and Pyrrha's home, before he snaps his fingers and suddenly the home, that he and Pyrrha built is nothing but a pile of ash and flames*

Jaune: wh-what did you do!?

GoL: Giving you the character development you deserve! Will come back to you in five years!

Jaune: Five yea-what happened to my famil-*boop*

GoL: *snaps finger sending Jaune away* Haha! We're going the punisher route on this guy!

Angel 32: Wha-what did you do!

GoL: I added SPICE and DRAMA! too your world, and made it soo much better! I mean look at the despair and anguish he is going through.

Angel 32: No! This...he didn't deserve this! Why!?

GoL: Good, very good.

Angels: We really saved his life!

GoL:

GoL: Send him the Fall Maiden.

Angel: I'm sorry...what?

GoL: You heard me, we're doing the enemies to lovers troupe but were maxxing out the hostility!

Angel: but...but we did that already in one timeline with the mute.

GoL: And it worked out perfectly!

Angel: that was because WE had to intervene on multiple accounts!

GoL: Listen I only send my toughest battles to my strongest warriors! Send. The. Fall. Maiden.

GoL: I want her to be so power drunk, that even Salem is jealous! I never want her to give up on her evil ways until Jaune beats it out of her *with love of course*

Angel: Sir you can't be serious!

GoL: Oh but I am: She will have issues, tremendous issues!

Angels: he-he can't handle that right now, he is in a fragile and delicate place, mentally!

GoL: Make her bi-lingual, also give her no family history, orphan status. Makes her wanting a family all the more better.

Angel: He is mixing formulas!?

Angel: What are you planning on doing with this guy...

Angel: Can't we send the rose girl? Or the schnee? surely your not willing to cause a tragedy!

GoL: This is a tragedy that will make his comeback all the more sweeter, and for those two eh, I dont know, can we go the Pyrrha route agaim with them?

Angel: NO! We won't just turn them to ash!

-

GoL:

GoL: Ya know what? Give him a toxic one!

Angels: You CAN'T be serious! Look at the man!

GoL: Calm down, calm down-

Angels: He's just 19!

GoL: I know how old he is, I made him! Okay? This? This is for CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!

-

Jaune: Test me lord, and see that I am ready!

*Ding dong*

Jaune: Oh? I wonder who that could be?

*opens door*

Ruby: JaunenotimetoexplainItsNeobutsheison a redemptionsabbaticalandIneedtogofurtherthe plotwithmyteamsoyouareNeo'splotdevicebe a goodboyandhandleitbye!

Jaune: ...

Neo: 😐

-

Ruby: They did send me.

Jaune: The IRS wouldn't want me to take off my pants.

Ruby: Yes they would because you could be hiding money in their and thats why you dont work with them an I do!

Jaune: No!

Ruby: You owe the IRS like six or seven backshots~

Jaune: Backshots? Also don't do six-seven ever again and its not backshots, its Backpay!

Ruby: ...

Jaune: ...

Ruby: ...I like it when you correct me~

Jaune: No! Thats not what im trying to do! Im trying to get you out my fucking house!

CC: I don't know what nefarious tricks you have up your sleeve, but father dominated you once! He will do it again!

Ruby: *reaches into draw*

CC: He must first regain his strength so I will fight in his stead! You silver haired she witch! Prepa-

Ruby: *pulls out a laser pointer*

CC: What devilry are you doing! Your evil trucks won't prevail! You-*gasp*

A red dot appeared on the wall.

CC: Oh-ho! You think you can win with your smaller twin, watch you scum as i vanquish this tiny devil beneath my paws!

What proceeded, as with all things cats was a comedic display of one otherworldly cat chasing a ree dot all over the wall, much to the amusement Ruby as Jaune walked in with two mugs of cocoa and both of them watched in joy as they cuddled together.

CC: