Soup

Interviews with hockey players are fantastic, because it is a complex game that can be spoken about at length, but during the intermission they'll find the Wettest player imaginable on the losing team and for thirty seconds they'll ask them things like "what do you need to do to get more pucks in the net?" And the player (panting, haunted behind the eyes) says something like "well, we've got to get them in there"

learning about soccer has made me realize how much of a blood sport hockey is. watching a match like "when do they start punching and then get benched for two minutes before they get out there and do the exact same thing again"

my nervous system can’t tell the difference between being hunted for sport and the pwhl expansion draft

every day people are out here weaving elaborate fictional narratives for nhl players meanwhile pwhl players will just straight up say shit like “we were skinny dipping with team canada while training for the olympics and a shooting star passed overhead and no one else saw it but us and we locked eyes and thus began a secret teammate romance that almost fell apart after we lost the gold medal but the next time our teams played against each other she chased down my team bus after the game to win me back and seven years later we were married and I said in my wedding vows that she was the wish I had always dreamed of and I didn’t realize it until now.” anyway true story and it happened to my girl laura stacey.

and then today laura mf stacey after spending half of the season with 0 goals, watches her wife takes a nasty hit and leave the game, and proceeds to go sicko mode and score 20 seconds after her teammate. no one is doing it like them.

come to women’s hockey we have Quests To Avenge Your Fallen Wife

men’s hockey isn’t real they made that up for heated rivalry. In real life only women can play hockey

I would like a hockey player to crush me between their thighs please

ever since the costume designer revealed that ilya is wearing rick owens in the tuna melt scene its all i can think about while im watching it. let me put my rick owens on for this. hand down the front of my rick owens cradling my half chub. frotting in my rick owens. cum cooling on my rick owens while the love of my life rejects me. dejectedly sitting on the couch covered in cum. in my rick owens

i found out those pants are handwash only btw. as if it all wasnt humiliating enough

the “i don’t know that side of you at all” line is so underappreciated because it’s really the first time ilya has revealed an insecurity to shane, something so ingrained in him by his father that he wears it like a second skin, and he positions it as a light-hearted joke but shane doesn’t get why he would say that about himself. shane meets him head-on, so earnest and sweet: i don’t know that side of you at all. i only know that you have put in relentless work to hone your craft and dominate your career. i pour everything into this sport and you’re the only one who can keep up—how could you be lazy. i made you pursue me for two years before we had sex and you never stopped. you could have anyone; you put in the work for me. every time we fuck you give and give and give. you’ve learned my body and figured out what i need because i never let myself. i don’t know that side of you at all.

i feel like it would be a general shock for mlh fans to find out that shane hollander has had sex before. like just his branding alone as like the golden boy of canada all buttoned up and marketed off. i feel like nobody would have even thought about that conceptually, but then it comes out that he’s been seeing known slut ilya rozanov monogamously for years, and people learn that not only has he had sex before, but he must Fuck

Shane missing all social cues that a hot man is flirting with him until said man starts literally jorking it crazy style in the communal showers right in front of Shane's salad is something that can be so personal

It's so funny that the other gay players in the series are like "eew I spend all my time with hockey players why would I wanna date one" while Shane and ilya are like "beating you at hockey makes me inconceivably horny"