Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

dan insta story

I have fics more in the category of they got drafted together && play on the same team! However, check out my Shane Plays for Boston and Shane Plays for Ottawa list too.

Drafted to Same Team: Hollanov

🏒 Tin Roof Rusted | 4.9k

Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are twenty, on top of the world, and a little irresponsible about it. This is the crash.

🏒 Leave the Door Open | 5.0k

where they both get drafted to the same team and they’re not ready to come out about their relationship so they keep it a secret from their teammates.

🏒 Team Building Activities | 41.1k

What if Shane and Ilya had been drafted to the same team and fell in love as teammates instead of rivals?

🏒 Second Line | 82.8k

They met at thirteen in a locker room that smelled like sweat and cheap detergent. Shane thought he'd forget the loud Russian boy with the crooked smile. He didn't. Years later, they're drafted to the same team. Teammates. Strangers. Except Shane still knows exactly where Ilya is on the ice without looking. Some habits never die.

🏒 My Hopes Are Prone to Elevate | 106k

🔒 Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are two consecutive number one draft picks for the Ottawa Centaurs. After a year playing in Russia, Ilya joins Shane to begin their rookie year, and they navigate the start of their careers together

🏒 Built Wrong, Held anyway | 159k

A story where Ilya and Shane end up on the same team from beginning.

🏒 Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other | 222k

A year after mysteriously dropping out of the 2009 draft, Shane Hollander is signed by the Boston Raiders, right behind Ilya Rozanov. Having the two biggest stars in the league on the same line is great for Boston — but playing alongside their worst rival was never exactly in Shane or Ilya's plans. Especially not when staying away from each other starts to feel just as impossible as getting along

🏒 Every Day Is Like A Battle (Every Night with Us Is Like A Dream) | WIP

the progression of Ilya and Shane's relationship as rivals to teammates to friends to lovers if they had been drafted to the same team, and the story of how Ottawa makes the rest of the league pay for letting them end up with the best two hockey talents in a generation

🏒 Don't Leave Me High (Don't Leave Me Dry) | WIP

shane and ilya are hockey players for the mcgill marauders. after a disastrous night with rose, shane puts a drunken ad on craigslist asking for help with oral sex. his teammate, ilya, replies

🏒 Playing Wing(Man) to Shane Hollander | WIP

Shane is drafted to the Centaurs two years after Ilya. Ilya takes it upon himself to be rookie Shane's bisexual fairy godmother/wingman, and then immediately regrets it because he catches feelings

🏒 Ahead of Schedule | WIP

Shane Hollander did not get drafted to Montreal. He gets drafted to Boston, fifty-seventh overall, after Ilya Rozanov. He has a plan for that. The plan does not account for Ilya Rozanov being the way that Ilya Rozanov is

🏒 All My Roads, They Lead to You | WIP

An alternate universe where Shane is openly out as gay. Ilya is still closeted bisexual. And they both play for the same team- ie, Ottawa Centaurs.

🏒 And they were roomates...  | WIP

What if Shane and Ilya were drafted to the same team? Ilya Rozanov is a surly Russian defensman drafted to the Ottawa Satyrs, secretly excited to escape Russia and his complicated family, while Shane is a boy-next-door star center ecstatic to be drafted to his hometown team. When they get drafted together, Ilya moves into Shane’s apartment for ‘rookie bonding’ according to the coach… but Shane thinks it’s really so he can keep Ilya out of trouble. Follow your two favorite hockey husbands through an AU where anything is possible if they just rely on each other

🏒 Glass Closets and Thrown Stones | WIP

Shane and Ilya sign with Ottawa on July 1st 2018. It goes startlingly well (apart from all the bits that don't).

Feel free to add in comments or reblogs and I'll add it to the list!

Dark Academia: Defining the Genre, Response to Criticism

I have been meaning to do this for a while, so here we are: (If you want me to untag you/remove you from the list/tag a tumblr I couldn't find via author's notes or profile, let me know and I will edit the post)

the roster by goldenframes

Shane and Ilya’s hookups are too predictable: Always in the same cities, always adhering to their game schedule. It would be only too easy for either of their teammates to connect the dots, especially when they all know about Jane and Lily. So maybe they do need a roster. Or: Love is stored in the Excel spreadsheet.

Short, funny, talks about my true love and most hated enemy: excel.

If it wasn't for that meddling kid by ARustySpork (@arustyspork)

“I feel really good about this kid, I think he could be great on your wing, he just needs some help settling in. Someone to show him the ropes.” “Yes.” The line went silent for a moment. Ilya wasn’t really sure why his coach felt the need to run this by him. “Rozanov,” his coach said at last. “I want him to live with you.” Ilya blinked, then nearly shouted into the phone. “What?” *** or, Ilya stays in Boston, gets a rookie, and tries to figure out how to make a secret long distance relationship work while there's a Russian teenager in his house

One of the best fanfics out there! And one of my favorites. It is on the longer side, but tells a cohesive story, and it is so, so good.

(SERIES) Hope You're Not Waiting For Me to Wait For You by Latigra Start with: World on Your Shoulders

Shane's new rookie is blackmailed by a previous (male) hook up, which is something that he can handle. This won't ruin his line for the season.

I love the characterization in this fic, because you truly believe these are jocks who grew up surrounded by other jocks. Hilarious fic, with some parts making me cackle out loud. Not character bashing, because everyone just sucks. Love it.

I'll Never Soften My Grip by providing_leverage (@providing-leverage)

Stevlana Sergeevna Vetrova does not want to be in love. She is eight years old, and the rest of the world tells her that it is a foregone conclusion. Not something she gets a say in. Svetlana will fall in love, she will find a handsome boy to make her husband, and she will give him children. The suggestion makes her so angry that she stomps her foot and bars any mention of love from their house. Her papa agrees. He can never say no to her.

A beautiful character study. Fantastic and I strongly recommend it for those aro feels.

(SERIES) Haydenov Phone Swap by icopythefax (@exactphoify) Start with: I Like Jane For You

After a mix-up leaves Hayden with the wrong phone for three days, he ends up learning more about Ilya Rozanov and his secret girlfriend, Jane.

This one was recommended to me by an irl. Do you know how good a fic has to be for someone to go to you and be like, let me type this into your searchbar so I know for sure that you can find it.

The last part, Please Be Normal About This, was so funny my ribs were hurting.

(SERIES) you and i might just be the best thing by blongblong (@bylroos) Start with: i've never needed a reason for keeping secrets from myself

soulmates verse where people are compelled to collect items for their soulmate that they might need/want/use.

Everyone who knows me knows that there is nothing I love more that soulmate aus. And this one? This one is one of the best ones. Love it.

it's too close for comfort by theoneiam2277 (@theoppositequeens)

The doorbell rings just as Shane is finishing brushing his teeth – the first thing they rose to do, because he wants to kiss Ilya good morning – and he and Ilya exchange a confused look in the bathroom mirror. It's barely dawn, and Ilya's curls are adorably tousled from sleep as he scratches his ribs lazily, toothbrush dangling from the corner of his mouth. Shane hesitates, then rinses his toothpaste out and runs a hand through his hair. "Fuck, it's probably anti-doping." No one else would be here at this hour – unless it's an emergency.

Fantastic one shot!! Love it, love it, love it. One of those stories that explore the mundane parts of life mixing with keeping a secret that can ruin your life.

The Pride of McGill….David Hollander by everythingsflux

The NHL keeps a Central Registry of every team’s Emergency Backup Goaltender, or EBUG, an individual who must be prepared to play for either the home or visiting team should both goalies be taken out of commission. When the Registry was digitized in the mid 90’s a clerical error was made, and David Hollander has remained on file as Montreal’s EBUG. When Boston plays a preseason game in Montreal at the beginning of the 2017/2018 season, both of their goalies are taken out and David Hollander suddenly finds himself in the net in Boston black and yellow.

I love David Hollander <3 And I love EBUGs. Funny position, sometimes the zamboni driver gets to play for the opposite team, as a treat :p

Freedom4Lily by HollowIsTheWorld (@hollowistheworld)

BREAKING NEWS: MHL star Shane Hollander photographed on his phone while out with his team in Las Vegas after a win, and the texts that can be seen suggest Montreal's 'Golden Boy' of hockey may not be the catch he's always appeared to be… [read more]

Short, funny, love it love it love it. My favorite "shane's messages leak" fic out there.

Griffintown Girlies group chat by marreena (@betkane)

The group chat of Shane Hollander's tenants. (Four girls bound by a shared roof, a lack of any sports knowledge, an NDA, and a smoking hot Handyman(?))

So funny. I love it so much. All the OCs are so lovable and hilarious. Some moments had me in stitches.

Montreal Metros Go Broke For Woke by 409_conflict (@409-conflict)

They may not have any idea how to do it, but there’s no way in hell the Montreal Metros are going to risk losing their Captain to a more accepting team. Full of determination, grit, open hearts, and absolutely no savvy, this team is going to learn how to be allies, come hell or high water. Hayden: did anyone do the optional inclusivity training last season? J.J. Boizeau: no Lawrence Olsson: no Gilbert Comeau: no Petro Andropov: no Matty Wilson: no Cam Stedlund: no Albert Schneider: no Aleks Miitka: no Georges Gagnon: no Patrice Drapeau: no Hayden: excellent, we’re nailing this so far

There are no words in the english langauge that can explain how funny this is. which is why i will use french:

very funny

It had to be you, Wonderful you by bannerthyme

Shane cups her cheek in his hand, running his thumb over the plush of her bottom lip. She looks at him through her fawnish lashes. He roves his eyes over her body. Her shoulders and biceps, her abs… She's so strong, so… Incredible. "I've never done that before," he admits, "Not with... with a woman, at least." "Right, well," she rolls her eyes, "Would probably be better with a real man, yes?" He shakes his head, "No. It wouldn't have been the same at all." - - - or, Shane comes to terms with his sexuality only to get thrown right back into confusion by Rozanov.

Love love love. Trans!Rozanov fic. Fantastically written.

i knew i'd curse you for the longest time by thatdayisjustnogood

Shane: Curse & Hex Removal Spell by SpellsfromNastya Rose: ??? Shane: Trust me Shane: Just get it Rose: Why? Shane: You are probably cursed. or Ilya's Etsy witch reviews get exposed.

HILARIOUS! Love it, it is so funny. Ilya hires an etsy witch, bc why wouldn't be

i've been stuck now so long (we just got the start wrong) by beagoldfish (@bea-goldfish)

The second time Shane Hollander wakes up on November 16th, he has a panic attack. The problem is — he tries to explain through gasped breaths after Hayden basically knocks down his door, shouting that they’re going to miss their flight — the thing is, Shane’s already woken up on November 16th. He’s already flown to Boston. He’s already been to practice, and he’s checked into the hotel, and he has lived this day before. He doesn’t mention that he’s also already fucked Ilya Rozanov twice and had a fucking tuna melt that Rozanov made and drank the ginger ale that Rozanov bought specifically for him. He doesn’t mention that they’d snuggled on the couch watching TV like some kind of couple, like boyfriends. He doesn’t mention that he fell asleep thinking about how Ilya — fuck, no, thinking about how Rozanov had called him sweetheart and Shane, and that, even now, he can’t quite get the cadence of Ilya’s voice out of his head.

Or: After the tuna melt fiasco, Shane Hollander wakes up in a time loop.

There is an author's note recommending to reread Chapter 13 before reading the story. I agree with the note, it makes the story so much better.

Heated in the Outback by tension_till_it_breaks

Shane Hollander is an engineer at a major mine in Western Australia. It’s hot, it’s hard and he is excelling professionally. Then a new engineer starts: Ilya Rozanov. And it’s not the first time they’ve crossed paths.