Sophie is my second name

Okey, so it’s saturday. My evening plans have just been cancelled. I actually wanted to go out, like to a bar and drink like more than just two beer in one night, but that does not seem to be happening anytime soon. I wanna go out and not care about anything for a bit, just let loose. Having all of these responsibilities all the time, I feel like I deserve to let loose every once in a while. I don’t wanna be the one always asking people to do something or organising everything. I’m gonna start doing stuff for myself and by myself again. 

I don’t remember when the last time was, when I went out to dance. I loved to dance, I still love to dance, but who’s going out to dance with me?

And other times I wanna just not be the only one watching Friends on a Saturday night. I wanna have someone to watch it with. I miss a not sexual intimacy. I do feel alone even though I’m surrounded by all of these wonderful people.

Old jukebox at the Silver Diner

Washington, DC

Arabia Mountain, GA

Yoga class @ the YMCA

My favourite word at the moment is seriously. Because SERIOUSLY why are people so complicated?!

I do not understand people rn. This is what got me into this mood:

I’ve been trying to reach out to a lot of people. Trying to get to know NEW people especially, so I have some sort of social environment here. It all started with me wanting to date again, cause why not? Although I know that I’m only gonna be here for a 18 more months, that’s still a lot of time and it doesn’t have to be something serious. right? But it seems like no one really wants to hang out with me. I mean I know it’s probably not me but still. I’m trying to work here and I put a lot of effort in it, but always get disappointed. It’s hard to keep the motivation up. 

I went to the High Museum of Art in Midtown Atlanta like two weeks ago on sunday with a friend, because they have free admissions then and I had the brilliant idea to make it really sophisticated by going to a tea house after. It was really nice, so yes I am giving myself credit for it. When we were about to leave this guy started talking to my friend/us I guess. Asking us what tea we had and so on. We got a bit into a conversation and he asked if we would want to hang out sometime, which I thought was a really cool idea. Fast forwarding to today. We already rescheduled meeting up once, so today would have been the day, but no of course EVERYONE had to be so complicated about this whole thing and then my friend accused me of being mean, because I said I don’t care if we would meet up or not. In the end, I decided that this is too complicated I’m just gonna go hiking by myself. This is starting to get so depressing. I know that I sometimes need time to myself, to stay sane and be mentally healthy but not even having friends who would want to come, or everyone saying no anyway that sucks so much. 

I’m just trying to find a solution, to get the courage to meet new people cause only having these few, who partly not even qualify as friends, it’s really not how I want to live here and if I’m not happy I need to change sth. That’s why I titled this post: today was not good, but tomorrow will be better.

Slow mornings

Cloud formation @ Stone Mountain, GA

High Museum of Art in Atlanta, GA

Feb 19’

In tha city, NY

New York City, NY near Battery Park

A-10 Thunderbolt

Rome, GA 

Clouds

Agnes Scott College

Beautiful person and a beautiful sunset

I’m having an off day today. I think I’m just pissed at myself. I don’t want to go back to the same place I was like a year ago or whatever time before that. 

And oh my goodness, but guys here.. really, they’re the worst. I’m totally easy-going right now and don’t mind having no strings attached to anything. I know I’m only gonna be here for like 19 more months or sth, but can you seriously be THAT afraid of going out with a girl? I mean are you freakin’ kidding me?! I’m not gonna want to marry you at the end of a date. I don’t even want to have a date, I JUST want to hang out with someone decent who is not as self-centered as the guys I’ve been talking to until now.