Why This Topic Still Matters

Yesterday, I was talking to some friends about au pairs. When I said that men can also work as au pairs now, they didn’t believe me.

This made me curious: Is this really still such a surprising idea?

A Real Experience: Timo’s Story

So I looked it up on the internet and found a testimonial by a German guy called Timo.

Timo decided to work as an au pair in New Zealand. At first, he was sceptical because he was worried about being accepted as a boy. However, his worries were unnecessary—he got accepted and had an amazing time there.

What Does a Male Au Pair Do?

As an au pair, Timo took care of a 4-year-old boy in the family.

His daily tasks included:

visiting playgrounds

doing many activities together

teaching the child to write

even helping him learn the piano

Of course, he also had to do household chores like doing the laundry and cleaning.

Why Gender Shouldn’t Matter

Timo’s experience clearly shows that men can also be successful as au pairs.

The idea that only girls should take care of children or work in families is outdated and based on stereotypes. Caring, teaching, and helping in a household are not “female” tasks—they are human skills.

Conclusion: Time to Rethink Stereotypes

In conclusion, men can absolutely work as au pairs and do a great job.

Leaving as a sleep-deprived nanny with a 400-song K-pop playlist and several emotional support idols.

When I arrived, the narrative was: a master’s student, intellectual ambitions, books, philosophy, human rights law, a respectable European year abroad.

What actually happened is that somewhere between lunchboxes, piano lessons, emotional negotiations with children, and chronic sleep deprivation, I quietly evolved into a Victorian governess with Wi-Fi. Think Jane Eyre, but instead of wandering the moors with existential dignity, I’m:

setting breakfast tables at night, packing school lunches, negotiating tiny revolutions and watching dance practice videos at 2am because my brain has forgotten what "sleep" means.

I came to Spain as: a serious student working on a philosophy degree with a master’s in human rights law and imagining a calm intellectual year.

Instead I unlocked new achievements:

- Advanced sleep deprivation

- Unexpected childcare diplomacy

- Expert-level dissociation while folding laundry

I have had more panic attacks and anxiety crises here than in the rest of my life combined, which was not originally part of the curriculum.

Insomnia has also become a lifestyle. Not the romantic “writer awake at night” insomnia. More the “brain refuses to power down while tomorrow’s lunchboxes haunt me” insomnia.

At some point my brain simply decided: “If reality is chaotic, we will cope through music.” So now I have a playlist called “K-pop, C-pop, J-pop songs.”

It contains four hundred songs. Four. Hundred.

The emotional support council includes: Stray Kids, BTS, BIGBANG, SHINee, Novelbright, Mika Nakashima, Wang Yibo.

My personal bias parliament is currently chaired by: Onew, Lee Know, G-Dragon, Agust D, Wang Yibo, Meng Nan .

At this point my emotional regulation system is roughly: philosophy, music, choreography videos and the knowledge that somewhere in the world Lee Know is dancing better than physics allows.

Being an au pair is a strange position. You are not quite family. Not quite staff. But also somehow responsible for everything. It’s the modern version of the governess role:

intellectual woman with education → doing domestic labor inside someone else’s house.

Very Jane Eyre coded, except the dramatic gothic romance has been replaced with: dishwasher logistics, school uniforms and explaining to children why we cannot scream at each other in supermarkets.

The kids are genuinely cute and sometimes wonderful. They are also difficult, dramatic, stubborn, and occasionally ruthless. Which means some days are genuinely nice. And some days feel like I’m moderating a tiny parliament of chaos.

The parents paradox : The parents are kind people. They really are. But they also sometimes do that very specific thing where well-meaning white Europeans say slightly questionable things without realizing the implications. Not malicious. Not intentional. Just the casual cultural blind spots that appear in everyday conversations. Which creates those awkward internal moments where my human rights law brain wakes up like an alarm system while my au pair survival brain politely nods and changes the subject. It’s a strange intellectual whiplash.

This year was supposed to be a quiet academic interlude. Instead it turned into something much messier:

- exhaustion

- strange small joys

I came here as a serious student. I’m leaving as: a sleep-deprived nanny with a 400-song Asian pop playlist, a much stronger tolerance for chaos and several emotional support idols.

- moments of loneliness

- moments of real affection

* music at night

- philosophy during the day

- childcare somewhere in between.

And honestly?

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