Songs for Muses #9: Helen (It's Not Me)
The LAST installment of Songs for Muses is for the one and only Helen of Troy, also known as the âface that launched a thousand ships.â I was talking to the excellent folks over at Greek Myth Comix and they summed it up well: Helen never gets to tell her own story and is bent to fit whichever side of the Trojan war the author is on. Also, this song is an experiment to see if I can make a song that sounds like the radio. The answer: "maybe, kinda?"
Helen was the daughter of Zeus and Leda, and she was the most beautiful woman in the world. The actual #1 most beautifullest. She hatched out of an egg, but thatâs another story. When Helen got to marrying age, a bunch of the most powerful Greeks competed to be the one to wed her. The situation was at a standstill, and Odysseus came up with an idea to solve the deadlock: the suitors would draw straws, but before they did, everyone had to swear an oath of loyalty to defend the winner. Menelaus of Sparta was the lucky(?) one, and he and Helen married and went back to Sparta and hung out there for a while.
Later on Mount Olympus, Peleus and Thetis (Achillesâs mom) got hitched. There was a big fancy wedding and all the gods and goddesses were invited, except for Eris, the goddess of Discord. For obvious reasons. She wasnât great at parties.Â
Eris was pretty angry about being snubbed and decided to mess everything up by throwing a golden apple in to the wedding that said âfor the fairestâ on it. Hera, Athena and Aphrodite were each like âthat's mine, duhâ and went to Zeus to settle the argument. He knew that would be trouble so he picked out a mortal, the Trojan prince Paris, to do it instead.
Paris was like, âwhoa, you guys are all goddesses and each totally perfectâ so each goddess laid out a different bribe. Aphroditeâs promise was to give Paris the most beautiful woman in the world, Helen, in exchange for declaring her the winner. So he did. And then he went to claim his prize. Athena and Hera were not psyched. Little did Paris know, he now had a furious Menelaus, a host of loyalty-sworn Greeks AND two pissed-off goddesses gunning for him. The Greeks sailed to attack Troy, and they fought in the Trojan War for TEN YEARS. Wasnât really fair for Menelaus to be so mad, anywayâ he DREW STRAWS for Helen's hand, for heavenâs sake.
Depending on whoâs telling the story, Helen either eloped with or was abducted by Paris. Whether or not she fell in love and chose to go with Paris didn't really matter. Either way, it was out of her hands: a goddess promised her to someone, so she had no real say in the matter. (And she didnât have any say in her marriage to Menelaus in the first place, either). She was treated like a prize, not a person. Then everyone blamed her for causing this mega-war, which was clearly not her fault. And anyway, many modern scholars think if there actually was a Trojan War the whole thing with Helen was probably a ruse and the war was more likely for control over the trade routes to the Black Sea. So there.Â
Thanks for listening, folks. Itâs been rad. Thinking of doing a Kickstarter to get records made. Keep your eyes peeled!
-Bullfinch
Another beautiful illustration by Anna Cincera
Engineered by John Thayer at Thump Studios, Mixed by John & mixed more (mangled?) by me.
Also, my nameâs Ana Becker, I'm a songwriter/guitarist living in Bklyn. You can find me on twitter at @ana_becker















