Querencia Echo

A colorful "everything will be alright" whispered over the skyline.

Free like a bird

I was just passing through the office park last Thursday when I caught this view, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It’s strange how seeing birds on the tree can make you feel so restless in the middle of a normal day. We spend so much time following rules and checking boxes that we’ve basically forgotten how to just exist without a plan. We’ve built these invisible walls out of schedules and expectations, and somewhere along the line, we lost our connection with nature. We treat the world outside like a backdrop for our lives rather than the place where we actually belong.

Sometimes I just want to stop performing and be like that bird, not to fly away, necessarily, but just to have that kind of honesty. A bird doesn’t ask for permission to leave, and it doesn't feel guilty for following the wind. I’m just tired of the boundaries we’ve made for ourselves. I’m craving that raw, quiet freedom to be human without all the noise, to finally make peace with the earth and remember what it feels like to be truly untethered.

Finally, I'm crossing the threshold

From the ordinary world to the reveal of my heart

Undoubtedly, that will for certain

Take the dead out of the sea and the darkness from the arts

This is my commitment, my modern manifesto

I'm doing it for all of us who never got the chance

For, and for (shut up, shut up)

And all my birds of paradise (shut up, shut up)

Who never got to fly at night (shut up, shut up)

'Cause they were caught up in the dance

Sometimes it feels like I've got a war in my mind

I wanna get off, but I keep riding the ride

I never really noticed that I had to decide

To play someone's game, or live my own life

And now I do

I wanna move

Out of the black (out of the black)

Into the blue (into the blue)

Finally

Gone is the burden of the Crowley way of being

That comes from energies combined

Like my part was I

Was not discerning

And you, as we found out

Were not in your right mind

There's no more chasing rainbows and hoping for an end to them

Their arches are illusions, solid at first glance

But then you try to touch them (touch, touch)

There's nothing to hold on to (hold, hold)

The colors used to lure you in (shut up, shut up)

And put you in a trance (ah, ah, ah, yeah)

Sometimes it feels like I've got a war in my mind

I wanna get off, but I keep riding the ride

I never really noticed that I had to decide

To play someone's game, or live my own life

And now I do

I wanna move

Out of the black (out of the black)

Into the blue (into the blue)

Out of the black (out of the black)

Into the blue (into the blue)

Out of the black (out of the black)

Today was... unusual, to say the least. Out of nowhere, the Director called the staff for a meeting to gather opinions on how we can improve our works. In my six years working in this field, I’ve never actually experienced this kind of open feedback session from the top down. It felt strange but also hopeful. I really want to believe that this marks a shift in a better direction for all of us.

Today’s just a normal day I guess, but instead of heading straight home, I tagged along with colleagues who were on a hunt for new shoes. We hopped from one brand to another, trying to stay within his budget, but nothing seemed to click. Then, I spotted this one pair, they looked amazing, though they were slightly over what he intended to spend. Knowing how strict he is with his finances, especially since he’s saving up for his upcoming wedding, I figured it’d be a hard pass. To my surprise, he actually fell for them too! I felt this genuine wave of happiness for him, finding the right shoes is honestly a lot like finding 'the one'. you can't really force it, but when it’s right, you just know.

Before we left the office, my boss, who’s a bit psychic in her own weird way, randomly blurted out that I’d run into a friend at the area we’re heading on. My heart skipped a beat because I immediately thought of one specific person who I wanted to meet today. I spent the rest of the evening low-key scanning the crowds, half-expecting a surprise encounter, but... nothing. Not a single familiar face. I guess it’s a good reminder to put my faith in God, not in office premonitions, haha! I suppose if it’s not meant to be, it just won’t happen. Still, I’ve always felt that those completely unplanned, out-of-the-blue reunions are the best ones anyway. Maybe that 'pleasant surprise' is just waiting for me another day.

Well, her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world

You can see she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it

It makes you calm

She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

(Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

And I feel like walking the world

Like walking the world

And you can hear she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white

Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember

What you heard

She likes to leave you hanging on a wire

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

(Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most

And she's looking at me

I can see her eyes looking from the page of a magazine

She makes me feel like I could be a tower

A big strong tower, yeah

The power to be, the power to give

The power to see, yeah, yeah

(Suddenly I see)

She got the power to be, the power to give

The power to see, yeah, yeah

(Suddenly I see)

She got the power to be, the power to give

The power to see, yeah, yeah, yeah

(Suddenly I see)

She got the power to be, the power to give

The power to see, yeah, yeah

(Suddenly I see)

She got the power to be, the power to give

The power to see, yeah, yeah

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

(Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me, oh

(Suddenly I see) yeah, yeah

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

(Suddenly I see) yeah

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

Lately, I feel like I’m slowly being drawn back toward the ‘direction’ I thought I had lost. It’s as if the universe is gently guiding me back to my true self. This first week of January has been so interesting, everything Gea mentioned today in her spiritual talk resonated deeply with what I’m searching for this year. I want to grow, but I’m still figuring out exactly what that growth is supposed to look like. It’s strange how the universe aligns your thoughts just when you need it. Who do I really want to become?

I was particularly struck by the analogy of growing like a date palm versus a cedar tree. When I looked into it, I found that the date palm is truly a "Tree of Life." It starts its journey under the weight of a stone, forced to grow its roots deep into the earth to find hidden water before it can ever break through the surface. It’s a tree that thrives in extremes, producing its sweetest fruit in the harshest deserts and remaining productive for over a century. Because every part of it, from its leaves to its trunk is useful, it has become a symbol of a life lived with total purpose and resilience.

On the other hand, the Cedar tree carries a different kind of majesty. It is known for its incorruptible wood, naturally resisting decay and staying pure despite outside influences. Growing steadily in high altitudes and rocky terrains, the cedar doesn't rush, it takes its time to build a solid foundation that can withstand the most violent storms. Historically used for palaces and temples, it represents a sense of royalty and endurance, while its natural fragrance brings a soothing calm to everyone around it. It reminds us that true greatness is often a slow, steady, and unshakeable process.

I’m starting to feel the light getting a bit brighter now. My hope is that as I walk my path, this light won’t go out. Even at its weakest, I hope it only dims but never fades, so that I can always find my way.

In a world that is obsessed with speed and instant results, I’ve come to agree with the idea that slow is the new fast. We often forget how to simply stop. I want to remember to always keep a 'pause' in every step I take, creating a space to reflect on the path I’ve traveled and evaluate if I’m still heading in the right direction. Over the last year or two, I feel like my pause was perhaps a bit too long, to the point where I felt I had lost my way. But through that stillness, I realized that surrendering myself to the Universe and its Creator is a profound form of faith. It is an acknowledgment that God and the Universe are my ultimate protectors.

Even though I often feel lost, I know I must keep moving forward. I move with the faith that I will grow into a living tree, one whose existence brings meaning to those around me. I can feel myself coming back to life. I move forward with a quiet faith, surrendering to the Universe that protects me. Even when my spirit feels withered, through this song I remember: how rare and beautiful it is to even exist. My light may dim, but it will never fade, for the Universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

Here’s the lyrics of Saturn by Sleeping At Last, one of my favorite band that resonate with my thoughts.

You taught me the courage of stars before you left

How light carries on endlessly, even after death

With shortness of breath

You explained the infinite

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again

I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time

That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again

I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time

That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

With shortness of breath

I'll explain the infinite

How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

I ended up texting my ex because of a dream I had. It’s so annoying, why is it that now that we’re over, he’s suddenly the fastest at replying? If he had been this responsive back when we were actually together, I probably wouldn’t have been half as frustrated as I was. It's typical, isn't it?

Anyway, it’s been a pretty standard, low-key Saturday. On the bright side, I’ve finally found a matcha spot around here that I actually love. It doesn't have that weird 'grassy' aftertaste, which is a massive win. Just enjoying the quiet for now. Hoping for a good Sunday tomorrow.

In my head, I play a supercut of us

All the magic we gave off

All the love we had and lost

And in my head

The visions never stop

These ribbons wrap me up

But when I reach for you, there's just a supercut

In your car, the radio up

In your car, the radio up

We keep tryin' to talk about us

I'm someone, you may be my love

I'll be your quiet afternoon crush

Be your violent overnight rush

Make you crazy over my touch

But it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

Oh, it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

So I fall

Into continents and cars

All the stages and the stars

I turn all of it to just a supercut

'Cause in my head (In my head, I do everything right)

When you call (When you call, I'll forgive and not fight)

Because ours are the moments I play in the dark

We were wild and fluorescent

Come home to my heart, uh

In your car, the radio up

In your car, the radio up

We keep tryin' to talk about us

Slow motion, I'm watchin' our love

I'll be your quiet afternoon crush

Be your violent overnight rush

Make you crazy over my touch

But it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

Oh, it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

But it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

Oh, it's just a supercut of us

Supercut of us

'Cause in my head

In my head, I do everything right

When you call, I'll forgive and not fight

All the moments I play in the dark

Wild and fluorescent

Come home to my heart, uh

'Cause in my head (In my head, I do everything right)

When you call (When you call, I'll forgive and not fight)

Because ours are the moments I play in the dark

We were wild and fluorescent

Come home to my heart, uh

'Cause in my head (In my head, I do everything right)

When you call (When you call, I'll forgive and not fight)

Because ours are the moments I play in the dark

We were wild and fluorescent

I started my day earlier than usual, making a conscious effort to arrive ahead of time. When I walked into the office, I was met with a new layout, a simple rearrangement of desks and chairs that breathed new life into the room. I spent my first hour clearing the clutter and rearranging my space. Once settled, I moved through my routine at a steady pace, finding comfort in the remains of my mother’s home-cooked lunch while the rain fell persistently outside. I let the day unfold in a gentle tempo, working without haste.

Around 8 PM, I headed out into the night, shielded by the black umbrella I always keep tucked in my bag. Then came the chase. I ran through the rain, heart pounding, trying to catch the TransJakarta bus. My heart sank as I watched it pull away just as I reached the station. But I didn't give up. I made a split-second decision to sprint to the next stop, and miraculously, I made it, realizing that if I had surrendered to the wait, I would have been stuck for a long time as I looked ahead, I saw two buses tailing each other closely, like they were in a race of their own. Had I waited, the next interval would have been a long, cold wait.

This day of small battles and quiet victories reminded me of a deeper truth, God’s surprises always arrive in unpredictable ways. Today, I was deeply moved by the story of a colleague, someone who has been working since the age of fifteen, laboring while others were in school, rising from an office boy to a professional. God has a mysterious way of igniting a spark in people. Perhaps the light I see in others is exactly what I need to rekindle my own spirit when life feels a bit dull.

I am also so grateful for a late Christmas gift that arrived today. Its delay only made it more meaningful, stirring a sense of 'haru' within me. Thank you, for the kindness that continues to surround me in the most unexpected forms.

When I ran to catch the bus, this song perfectly matched the rhythm of my breath.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track

Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back

She hid around corners, and she hid under beds

She killed it with kisses, and from it she fled

With every bubble she sank with a drink

And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming

So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father

Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers

Leave all your love and your longing behind

You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

‘Cause here they come

And I never wanted anything from you

Except everything you had

And what was left after that too, oh

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back

Struck from a great height

By someone who should have known better than that

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

‘Cause here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father

Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers

Leave all your love and your longing behind

You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

‘Cause here they come

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

‘Cause here they come

The dog days are over

The dog days are gone

Can you hear the horses?

Happy new year!

New year, new depth, new strength. Though I am uncertain of what the universe has in store for me, I hold onto the lessons you left behind. It has been two years since you left us, yet those lessons still guide my every step, this is my firm belief.

Through two years of missing you and loving you from afar, I have found the strength to embrace new beginnings. I am ready to pursue what sets my soul on fire and trust the timing of my life. I am exactly where I need to be, moving forward with ease and grace. Even as I journey far from home, I hope this path honors your memory and guides me toward my truest self.

Last year, I tried to fill the void you left with others, but the heart stayed empty. I was too busy chasing a spark outside, forgetting that the light is already in my name, just like you always told me. Now, I stop searching. I am returning to the strength you gave me, finding power in your memory rather than in someone else. If love comes again, let it be when I am whole, when I’m ready.

I am far from home, but I am exactly where I need to be. I trust this path. I trust my light. I am becoming the person you always knew I could be. I know you’re still watching over me from heaven. It’s beautiful there, isn’t it?

I miss you, and I will always miss you. This song always reminds me of you, and I do hope heaven have the visiting hours so I could spend a little more time with you.

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

So I could just show up and bring the news

That she's gettin' older, and I wish that you'd met her

The things that she'll learn from me, I got them all from you

Can I just stay a while, and we'll put all the world to rights?

The little ones will grow, and I'll still drink your favourite wine

And soon, they're going to close, but I'll see you another day

So much has changed since you've been away

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

So I could just swing by and ask your advice

What would you do in my situation?

I haven't a clue how I'd even raise them

What would you do? 'Cause you always do what's right

Can we just talk a while until my worries disappear?

I'd tell you that I'm scared of turnin' out a failure

You'd say, "Remember that the answer's in the love that we create"

So much has changed since you've been away

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

And I would ask them if I could take you home

But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best

So I will live life the way you taught me

And make it on my own

And I will close the door, but I will open up my heart

And everyone I love will know exactly who you are

'Cause this is not goodbye, it is just 'til we meet again

But then, I felt like God blessed me with kindness surrounding me. My office colleagues shared their cooking—roast chicken, fried tofu and tempe, sambal—and my boss bought us nasi kebuli so we didn’t have to buy food ourselves.

To wrap up the day, I just watched Mothering Sunday, which beautifully portrays the complexities of love, grief, and moving on from the past. It shows that sometimes, embracing the unknown and accepting loss are essential steps toward finding peace and purpose in life.

Today was marked by mixed emotions, so here’s the song for today.

Today’s skies are totally a mood booster for me. I hope there’ll be a time for me to just gazing at the sky and losing track of time. Maybe someday I’ll do the stargazing trip. Mauna Kea Summit Adventure or Mount Cook maybe? who knows. Hopefully someday.

Someday I’ll play this song while stargazing.

The past three years have been a time of silence, a period where I’ve buried my emotions and avoided confronting the depths of what I’ve truly felt. But now, with the turning of the year, I feel a gentle calling to break that silence—to let go, to speak freely, and to finally allow my heart—me, to be seen.

Today, I made an act of expressing myself through my Instagram story, saying, “It’s all made up. I’ll enjoy whatever is served to me.” A couple of hours later, God sent me a gentle reminder: every word has its consequences. As I said before, I must enjoy whatever comes my way, at any moment. Shortly after, the coffee I bought to go exploded in my bag, spilling everywhere. The mess even reached the train I was riding. I felt really sorry and apologized to the officer for both the spill and the chaos I caused. I had to get off the train quickly to save my laptop, iPad, and everything else in my bag from the coffee disaster.

This situation serves as a reminder for me, and also whoever read this that life is full of surprises, and while I may try to embrace whatever comes my way, I must also be mindful of the consequences of what I say and do.

Life is full of unexpected twists, and I hope I will always find peace in embracing them.

I also want to share some pictures from my journey back to reality—stepping away from home and gearing up for work that lies ahead.

P.S. I discovered this song today, and it perfectly captures the spirit of what I hope to embrace tomorrow and beyond.

With love.

Jakarta, January 1, 2025.

Watch "Bruno Mars, Anderson .Paak, Silk Sonic - Leave the Door Open [Official Video]" on YouTube

This is the first picture I take at the beginning of 2021. thanks to my dad because taking a picture of his lovely flower and showing it to me just for acknowledgment of his works on it.

he asked me to take a picture and compare it with his picture and I guess we both have a good quality picture of it. such a beautiful flower. I should thank him for introducing this flower to me.

I googled about camelia and I found some interesting facts that I want to share through this post. This flower holds multiple meanings besides its beauty. The camellia flower speaks to the heart and expresses positive feelings. It symbolizes love, devotion, affection, and admiration. Its most common meanings are Desire or Passion; Refinement; Perfection & Excellence; Faithfulness & Longevity. I guess he just wants to give a positive feeling toward me to start this year.

When a flower dies, the petals and calyx usually separate, but for camellia, however, the petals and calyx fall away together. This fact indicates love, I guess. Love is my middle name, and now I know why I love this flower for the first time my dad introduced me to this and I believe that's not by accident.

Instantly my heart can hear it's speaking to me. I'm gonna have more faith in myself, I'm not gonna underestimate myself again, and I'll try to remember to love, to share the love and positive feeling whenever I get the chance.