START AGAIN.

There's a slight shuffle in the grass as she settles near them, legs sprawled out and hands settled below the crater in her chest, "It is," she agrees in a murmur, almost a whisper on the wind.

She lays there, silent, content.

Until ...

"No..." You don't know their names. "I wish I did." You were supposed to think that part, but it left your mouth and you don't have the strength to fight it now. It's true. You wish you knew them, you wish you knew the stars. It feels like you should, it always has. You tried to convince yourself to give up, especially since these are very obviously not your stars... But the want persists.

"Do they... even have names?" As innocent as the question is, you speak it more like a plea, hoping for an answer that'll quell the desperate ache within you, even if it's only briefly.

There's a length of mournful silence as you debate the nature of names, given all you've been told about their meanings. Your only solace is that this isn't Vaugarde. The longer you dwell here, the more you realize it doesn't seem to abide by all the same rules. You keep your eye fixated skyward, settling on a particularly bright star as you contemplate the ethics of naming something without it's opinion on the matter.

One hundred and ninety three. The way Siffrin says it is lighthearted, but she can hear the tightness in his voice-- it's just a touch. He tries to hide it, and Mirabelle, Isabeau and Boniface usually fall for it. Odile less so.

She chooses not to bring it up.

Though... it does concern her. The number they offer is so accurate, so down to the day that she wonders if Siffrin carved each one as a line on their assigned bedroom's wall. In a sense, they are both prisoners here, after all.

"I see." Is all Odile mutters, brows furrowing slightly as she looks out to the park. Why has he been there so long? Why did she only just arrive? Could this Siffrin be different from the one she died beside?

Or, nearly died beside. She isn't sure if death actually came to her before waking up on the curb of the city.

His question only furthers her theory, but she keeps it to herself. After all, if Spirale contains people from different worlds, who is to say they don't contain people from different timelines?

"I do. Do you?" Odile asks, her voice is a touch too sharp, so she clears her throat before continuing. "You've been here so long, after all. I wonder why you arrived here so long ago, while I have only now." Does that mean the others will come eventually too? Will it take them months, years, decades?

"Ohhh, really? You think I do?" You curl your hand into a fist, pawing at your temple in faux thought. "My brain's a bit of sieve, you know. After so long it's..."

You pause. There were, and kind of still are, words in your mouth. But they taste kind of funny. You were going to say that, no, you were going to joke that even names were a bit hard for you to recall now. That's not true, of course. You promised yourself you would not forget anyone's name, or the time you spent together. So it's not really funny to joke about that. Why did you think it would be?

"...Hard to remember..." You lean back into degrading yourself. Siffrin always forgets! It's kind of their thing, yeah? Mirabelle has her faith, Isabeau has his strength, Bonnie can cook... You forget! A real natural at it, too. But whatever! You... haha... want to forget about that.

"Yes, well, I'm glad you can appreciate my peerless looks." She replies flatly, "I suppose it's better than cute." She still remembers the threat of wasabi, and Bonnie agreeing to help. "I'll be sure to double your portion of wasabi."

Her good humor only lasts so long, seriousness following soon after. There's much to talk about, too much to be joking around. Still, she realized at some point in the past that Siffrin uses his humor to ease situations, so she lets it slide for now.

"How long have you been here, in Spirale?" She asks, reaching for the discarded book and wiping the dirt from its pages. Fortunately none of the paper was crumpled. Odile is never so careless with texts. When she's sure that the book is undamaged, she closes it and gently sets it aside on the grass, and half-turns her body to sit beside Siffrin a comfortable amount of distance between them. Well, comfortable for her.

You hesitate. To tell her how long its been. You know. Oh, stars, of course you know. Two weeks, she says, you're inclined to lie and match that. But it's been so much longer than that, hasn't it? It has. You don't know why you ask yourself that. Even when you weren't here, it was longer than that. Unbeknownst to her. The only difference here is... well... you can make it beknownst, or whatever.

You deliberate. You think about lying. You think about how it's always her that susses you out. The time you've spent here is a lot less grievous than finding out... well, you hesitate to even think it in her presence. Anyways!

"One hundred and ninety three days." You know. Of course you do. Of course you count the days one by one. You're so good at it. You won't mention your experience, but you do smile as if this is a really normal and expected way to track your time spent here.

It's hard not to feel a bit nauseous as you realize how close to two hundred days you are. Push it from your mind, Siffrin, it doesn't matter right now.

You shift, uncomfortably, but face her more appropriately. You're still guarded of course, it's only in your nature now to be, isn't it? Your hands are trapped under the folds of your cloak. You pick at your fingernails and thank the stars Odile cannot see the state of them. In equal measure, you curse yourself, why haven't you gotten that blinding glove fixed yet? Whatever.

"Don't expect me to know everything though." You give your shoulders a shrug, trying to come across as noncommittal as you can. "That's more your thing, right? Figured I'd leave a bit for you to uncover."

Haha. Yeah. Definitely intended. You knew she'd be here one day!

Even if it took her one hundred and ninety three days to finally show up.

That's mean. It's okay. You'd wait forever if you knew she'd eventually arrive. So it's fine. You're fine.

She settles on a small patch of grass about a mile from the library. Other people are there as well, making use of the park to read or have picnics with their loved ones. Odile glances up over the top of her book, occasionally watching a family of five hand out sandwiches and salads. She isn't hungry, but her stomach twists still, and her tongue goes dry.

How are the others? Where are they? Could they have all been dispersed in this strange new land, looking for each other hopelessly?

Odile shakes her head and shifts her weight slightly, hips starting to ache from sitting too long in one position. Her back and neck hurt too, but the book is far too large and heavy to hold up, so she rests it in her lap. She reads up on her own ward first and foremost, getting a sense of the height of some of it's towers is stomach churning. 200 floors? She feels her skin prickle.

There's a soft pressure against her back, warm, but it nearly takes her off guard. Her fingers tense around the book and she has half a mind to whip her head around and see who dares to touch her. She's got a few choice words for them if-.

Odile's heart freezes, the familiar voice reaching her ears. She remembers seeing him on the ground, unmoving, fingers no longer curled around his dagger.

She slowly turns her head, and upon seeing that familiar hat, quickly turns her body. The book is tossed carelessly aside, no longer important now that they are here.

Odile grabs one of his shoulders and forcibly turns the young man to face her, and he-- Siffrin... Siffrin! He's here, he's alive, he's safe.

"Siffrin!" Her tone is more chiding than she'd like it to be, but pouring over with relief. Odile is not one for touching, is not one for grand gestures and is certainly not a hugger. But in the presence of a young man she holds dear to her heart, one that she thought might have died, even she cannot help but embrace him.

The hug is tight, crushingly so, but short. She leans back just as fast to take in his face, how tired he looks, and... and...

Just like they do after each battle, Odile breathes in, and out.

"Siffrin." Her voice is much calmer now, and her hands slide from his shoulders. Touch is foreign to them. "You're alive. Thank the Expressions, the Change God-- whoever. You- I- this place-," Her brain moves faster than her mouth can keep up with, something that doesn't happen often to Odile unless she's truly taken aback. She clamps her mouth shut and breathes again. Calm down. What does she want to say first and foremost?

It starts with a grab at your shoulder, firm, almost unforgiving if weren't for what followed so soon after. You first think she's mad. You wouldn't blame her. Bonnie was, when they first showed up here. Loop was... well, it went just about as expected. Isabeau... also was? You're not really sure actually. A lot happened. He did tell you Odile was mad though. And a sharp grab at your shoulder is proof enough for you to believe him.

Odile says your name, your mind struggling to keep up with all your monologuing. Odile doesn't call you by a nickname. So you're forced to bear the full brunt of your name, fully, spoken aloud. No longer a way to berate yourself in your head, but something someone (someone you care about) knows you as.

And then she hugs you.

It really does feel a bit like drowning. It's a lot all at once. It's too much. You tense, forget how to breathe. Your single eye widens as if doing so will grant it understanding over anything that is happening right now. It won't. You don't really know what's going on. Odile just hugged you. It feels weird.

When she leans back, you're in a daze as you think she stares at you properly finally, really taking you in or something. You blink. Once. Then again. Thrice, because it just feels right.

She isn't touching you anymore. You feel a little embarrassed. Ashamed? Ah... you kind of miss it. Now that you know she could, would, do that. You floundered too long to really appreciate, uh, being appreciated? She sounds relieved, or sounded, you're not sure. You're still slowly piecing everything together now that your skin isn't screaming from so much contact.

"Yeah. You're a sight for sore eyes," or, well, you only have the one, but you don't think she's going to correct you on that front. There's a spark of a joke that alights your eye, your smile quickly shifting into a small, devious smirk.

this final act, this simple display, this means of escape! what if this was what they wanted, how they wished to go? in a sea of searing light; a pain they knew would greet them -- a pain they'd given warning towards. a warning easily dismissed. by them, by him.

this was a moment of role reversal, after all. they were suppose to disregard such advice. they were suppose to do whatever they wished for the sake of convenience.

well, here it was! convenience. it really was quite easy, they were provided the means to carry out an act so intimate. just ignore the pain, pretend its not there. it will end soon. they'll bleed out, darkness will consume them and the world around, and they can let go--

. . .

except they can't.

a warmth dulls their pain, something gentle mends away an inky black that dribbles down their skin. loop's smile has a chance to die before they do, silence settling over them without that soft caress of nothingness they had been longing for. they can't let go, they're not allowed to let go, he won't let them let go!!

and he has the nerve to apologize. only he's allowed something like this, right? an act that was his alone!

as if he hadn't been willing for it to happen the moment he was given a chance to; waiting, watching, as if he knew it would never happen. he was right to think so, wasn't he? seizing it from them like he had. like he did with so much else.

this moment was theirs. they didn't need to be stopped, didn't need to be saved -- they didn't deserve it! they didn't, they didn't, they didn't!

you hate him.

' sorry? ' the star, finally, speaks; repeats. ' you're sorry? ' their dagger is gripped so harshly, their hand struggles to remain still. the line across their throat, though healed, is visibly lost within an overflow of light. flared, shimmering -- unpredictably so.

you hate him.

they're angry. beyond that.

' maybe this is what i wanted; this was my choice and you're taking it from me! ' stop doing that!!! ' why, because it doesn't fit what you want? is that it!? '

another choice that wasn't liked, another interaction to try and mend and do over. wasn't that it? like a habit one couldn't break from. a relapse they had to stand by and watch, no matter what they did, what they tried, what they said.

nothing worked. nothing ever worked.

' it's still all a game to you, isn't it, stardust. ' theirs still a dagger in their hand. there's still a want to use it . . .

you hate them !!!

Because you can never stand to look.

You're looking now. Looking seeing perceiving knowing understanding wanting yearning mourning wishing whatever you want to call it that is all you are! That is all you have!! And you're sorry for it. That's all you have to say for yourself. But you'll do it again. You always do. Again, again, again.

Just like Loop will now. A game, or so they said? Sure, you'll play a game. Loop kills themself and you bring them back. Loop kills themself and you bring them back. A cycle, stricken with grief. A spiral, doused in your selfishness. You wonder if this was what it was like.

You start to see the scene before you less like a play, and more like a mirror.

Because you've done this before, though maybe not so dramatically. If this was still funny to you, you'd make a joke about that. Dock a few points off Loop's performance for being too melodramatic. Sure, you're no stranger to immolating yourself, but you had the decency to spare Loop the visual, since they hated the idea so much. But then again, your friends were never spared the same sympathy when desperate times arose, were they? So maybe this is a taste of your own medicine.

It doesn't taste very good.

That's okay. You struggle to really taste much of anything nowadays. It doesn't bother you. You do want to put an end to this charade though. Not because it bothers you. Not because you can't stand to look at it. Not because it's struck a little too close to your own mannerisms it's making you sick. No, none of those feelings could possibly be attributed to this moment.

"Sure, if that's what you think." Who are you to deny the way they perceive you? Loop has always been right, haven't they? "Your routine could use a little work, if you want my honest opinion."

You can just ignore all the things you feel right now. Because you have to. You have to remember that only those stupid, confusing, warm, fuzzy feelings are what will keep Loop alive. And that's what you want. You don't know why. You do, but you can't say it. Admit it. You can't put it in a way that doesn't make things awkward, that wouldn't have them scoffing in your face and snuffing those feelings out because that's exactly what they would do.

You need to hurt them to help them. You can't be close, but you can't stand the thought of being too far away. It doesn't make sense, but it also feels like the right thing to do.

"But you're not very helpful if you're dead now, you know." That's what they like, right? Being helpful. Useful. You get it. "Much more noble to go out protecting someone else, or fighting a fearsome foe..." You always felt a little better about the whole dying thing when that's what happened to you...!

feel free to tweak questions + all emojis r listed in text form bc i can't see some of them aAAaaAA! sorry if any of these questions are too similar i tried to avoid that but .. there's a lot lol! categorized by emoji type.

i wanted to make one because i could not find one on tumblr already that had a ton of questions. this was created by combining ones under the #oc ask game tag + my own contributions. hi charmymemes nation i'm back.

people

👁️ EYE - what colour are their eyes? do people notice their eyes? is there anything special about them (shows emotion easily, literally magical...)?

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

👊 PUNCH - are they quick to violence?

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

💤 SLEEPING - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

food & drinks

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?

🍟 FRIES - do they order food often? or they prefer to cook their own food?

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE - do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?

🍓 STRAWBERRY - do they eat their fruit & veg? what is their favourite fruit or vegetable?

🍰 CAKE SLICE - favourite cake flavour? are they specific about types of cakes?

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

plants & nature

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

🌺 HIBISCUS - do they have any allergies?

🍁 MAPLE LEAF - what is their favourite season? why?

🍃 FALLING LEAF - do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

🍀 CLOVER - do they believe in luck? are they lucky?

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

activity

⚾ BASEBALL - can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power etc.)?

🏊 SWIMMING - can they swim? or are they afraid of water? how well do they swim? how do they feel about swimming in the ocean?

objects

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

📖 OPEN BOOK - do they like reading? what's their favourite genre?

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

💡 LIGHTBULB - is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it?

💎 DIAMOND - how rich are they? can they live the lifestyle they want to?

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

🍼 BABY BOTTLE - what are their thoughts on children?

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

🎤 MICROPHONE - are they good at singing? what is their go-to karaoke song?

🎷 SAXOPHONE - do they play any instruments? are they any good at it?

📚 BOOKS - how were they at school? what is their best subject? what is their worst subject? do they have a favourite subject?

👖 JEANS - what is their go-to outfit?

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

🎡 FERRIS WHEEL - are they someone who wants to kiss at the top of the ferris wheel?

⏳ HOURGLASS - are they usually late or on-time?

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

📦 PACKAGE - what are some "most likely to..." that can apply to them?

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

⚙️ GEAR - what are your ocs thoughts on science & art? which do they give more importance to? how much value do they place on each?

🔧 WRENCH - are they good at fixing relationships? or do they tend to avoid doing so?

❇️ SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?

📏 RULER - is your oc well educated? where did they get their learning from?

transport

🚆 TRAIN - what is their answer to the trolley problem?

🚲 BICYCLE - can they ride a bike? what do they remember from learning to ride a bicycle?

weather

🌩️ LIGHTNING - are they scared of lightning?

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

❄️ SNOWFLAKE - do people consider them cold? if so, what made them this way?

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

🌟 GLOWING STAR - what do they think about when they look at the night sky? is there someone they want to star gaze with?

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

hearts

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

💙 BLUE HEART - do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn't around?

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

I met a man downtown the other day

With ruby eyes that took my life away

The moral always goes

Don't trust the wolf in woolen clothes

You don't recognize them either. Which wouldn't mean much coming from you, if you chose to voice that. You didn't recognize the ones back home either, did you? You couldn't remember. You forgot. You'll forget these ones too, probably. Or maybe something won't let you remember them.

You wish you couldn't see them. You wish they were just dots. You wish they didn't mean anything to you.

You wish, you wish, you wish.

It doesn't come true. It hasn't come true. It won't come true.

Your newfound company speaks of a barrier that you've never heard about before. Your indifferent longing toward the sky shifts to a contemplative disdain. So they're even further from your reach then? Or are you even further from them?