SomeRandomDude's Blog I Guess

“My emperor is fine” your emperor has commissioned over 8000 life-sized terracotta soldiers and buried them facing east, in the direction of his recently conquered enemies in the hopes that they will protect him in the afterlife.

DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY

IM NOT PARANOID YOU’RE PARANOID

would a “paranoid despot with innocent blood on his hands”construct a bunch of secret underground passageways under his palace to avoid the prying eyes of the living and dead? if anything, it just proves how INTELLIGENT and RATIONAL i am because no one can be sure of where i am at any given time! being in a constant state of heightened vigilance is the best way to avoid the assassins who are 100% real and 100% out to get me!

Qin Shi Huang's tomb filled with mercury was opened and he walked out with a 816333 day duolingo streak

GUARDS GUARDS THERE IS A VILE GREEN BIRD THREATENING ME

That's such a sick baby picture to have. The rest of us are all like "oh this is me tripping in the backyard when I was 2" and that baby's gonna have "yeah that's me in my mom's arms as she wins a mortal Kombat tournament". Iconic.

"This is clever. See, we genetically modified a dog to be able to talk. And gave it to a group of quirky teens who are, get this, all interested in solving mysteries." "How is that clever?" "In the last 6 months, they've solved 2 cold cases, 5 homicides, and 21 attempted felony thefts."

God dammit who left Scooby Doo: CSI on?

its funny when people are like "life hack: to get yourself/your child to eat more vegetables try using dips and seasoning to mask the flavor" babes thats not a life hack thats just cooking. i dont know who told u the only way to eat vegetables is great grandmas war rations boiled sprouts recipe but i prommy you can and SHOULD be seasoning.

*goes to egg your house but I find out you're vegan so I ¼ cup of unsweetened applesauce your house instead*

This has beautiful synergy with "let me get this bitch's pronouns before I curse them out" in the game of hate

just laughed hysterically at the gripping foods with force twitter account

ok…!

babe are you okay, your reblogging the subway rat poem again

ghost who haunts their last living descendant, REFUSING to rest until their dying wish is fulfilled (they want to be dug up and reburied in the trendy cemetery across town)

logging into tumblr.com really is our daily dose of recess huh. i take a stroll down my dash and people are playing make-believe with cursed amulets, pondering their orbs, playing with jpegs like dolls. some of us are pretending to be wizards and villains and evil advisors and blob monsters (my preference). there's always a group playing Animals (wolf is very popular). the main topic of conversation is tv shows and cartoon characters, which we enjoy arguing about. recently there's been a juggling craze