Not Together Anymore (Pt. 2)
Author: @anonymous0writer
Summary: The break up hurt. It hurt a lot. So why is he jumping in to save you?
Warnings: Swearing, angst. That’s it. :)
Tags: @lindzaylove @alwayshopelesss @styles-xoxo @lovelymaybankk @imagines-and-preferences1216 @rretrophilee @dpaccione @tangledinsparkles @theblankestofstares @heimdoodle @outofstyles13 @nostalthicc
A/N: Thank you all for the feedback. It made my day! I’m so excited you guys loved it so much! (The passages in italics are flash backs.)
Let me know if you want this as a series. I was thinking about it!!
Also, this: ~ means point of view change. In this part, it’ll just switch between Y/N and JJ.
I wanted to add a gif, and this fits a certain scene. :)
You rolled over, the sheets tightening around you body. You admired the mess of sheets and limbs. Your leg was hitched over JJ’s leg, your arms wrapped around his middle, his own arm underneath your head, and his other resting on the junction of your hip and thigh.
You shifted in his grip, extracting your hands to cup his cheek. God, he looked so peaceful when he slept. Mouth slightly agape, eyelashes casting a soft shadow across his cheeks, his chest rising and falling softly, perfect, unmarred features. He was perfect.
You pressed a kiss to his forehead, as soft as you could, but he was a light sleeper. He groaned, blinking against the hazy morning light. Once he adjusted, he grinned at you.
“Morning.”
You giggled, flipping you guys so you hung over him, the edges of your hair gently brushing his face. He gripped your hips, pulling you down so he could kiss you. You hummed as you pulled away. He ran his fingers along your spine lightly. You lowered yourself on him, pressing a kiss to the crook of his neck. You mumbled a good morning as he ran the tips of his fingers across your bare back in lazy patterns. You smiled, it felt good, and you liked the way it was just a natural part of the morning.
“I could wake up to this every morning.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.
You grinned, kissing his neck again before peering up at his face. His blue eyes flitted down, meeting yours. You loved seeing him like this. Loving, vulnerable, soft JJ. A part of JJ that he only let a few people see. You admired the view, the way the morning light hit his eyes. The light made them paler, with an otherworldly shine to them. His lashes were pale and curved perfectly, cascading smoothly on his cheek when he blinked. The way his lips pursed, and his tongue when it darted out to wet them. And the way his brows pulled together as he looked down at you.
“What are you doin’?”
You giggled, hiding your face in his neck. “I’m just admiring you.”
You gasped, jolting awake. You were tangled in the thin sheets of your bed, morning light spilling through the open window. You shivered, rubbing your temple. You sighed, eyes still heavy. You were exhausted. You hadn’t gotten a good nights sleep for the past two nights. The whole time you were plagued with the memories of the days of you and JJ. Happy you and JJ. You dreamed of him.
You rubbed you eyes, and swung your legs over the side of the bed, standing. You stretched, reaching your hands to the ceiling. You moved to the bathroom, your feet making soft sounds against the worn wood. The mirror in the bathroom reflected an exhausted looking you. Dark half moons like shadows under your bright eyes. Your long lashes pressed against your cheek as you took a long blink. Yawning, you undid the messy bun and let your hair unravel around your shoulders. Turning on the tap to the coldest setting, you cupped your hands under the flow and splashes you face, waking yourself up considerably. You ran a brush through the knots and tangles of your hair and redid the bun to a semi messy one. You didn’t feel like doing much, so you only decorated your lashes with mascara. You smacked your cheeks, still not fully awake.
JJ had been in your thoughts the whole night after the party at the Boneyard. After the fight, you fled, heading home to cry and torture yourself over of the moment JJ broke up with you. You went through the events, painfully slow, picking apart everything you did. Naturally, that led to you going all the way back to when you first dated. You examined everything you did that could possibly lead to the horrible moment of, “Y/N? Can we talk?”
You did that the night of the break up, the same torture. Of course, now you knew the truth. He ended you because he was scared of the dependency he was developing. But still, you thought it was more than that. How could you have not done anything? When you said that during that day on the beach when you beat him surfing. You gloated too much then. When you ate all his fries. Or when you teased him a little too much. Or when you pulled a prank on him. Or accidentally forgot when you were supposed to meet up. Or telling him that you were too tired for sex that one night. You were so stupid, and all of those moments added up. So of course it was partly your fault, right?
You phone dinged on your bedside table. You picked it up, checking the message. It was Kie.
Come over. Please?
You sighed. It’d been a day since the party. You didn’t feel like facing the world, let alone the pogues or JJ. But you did want to see Kie. You just didn’t feel ready to talk to them about what happened. Or when they pushed you and JJ into a room to talk it out. You didn’t want to talk to JJ. You had no idea with the new information about your break up.
You forgot you board here anyway, so you might as well come over.
You groaned. You did forget your board. And your best friend was just using it as bait. You’d have to go over there eventually, right?
You texted Kie back, saying you were on your way. Then you changed into something more fitting for a day out than panties and an old sweater. You pulled on some shorts and a cute, vintage shirt that’d been cropped. You grabbed your car keys from the kitchen counter, shuffled into your vans and hopped into your car.
You gripped the wheel tightly, turning off your road and onto the main street. You pulled to a stop fast, hitting the breaks with a sudden movement, making the hull of the car lurch forward. You grunted as you jolted forward. A car sped down the T-street, screaming down the road. You glared, they didn’t even see you.
“Whoa there, cowgirl!” JJ laughed, hands out to keep you and the revving bike away.
You were seated on his bike, legs straddling the massive hunk of metal. Your hands gripped the handle bars so tightly they were white and shaking. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, and you felt like a deer in headlights. You were much more comfortable with a car. Not a bike. And definitely not when a slight twitch of the hand could make it go flying.
JJ sensed your unease, so he lowered his hands and came to stand by your side. “Hey, it’s okay.” He laughed and patted the bike’s side like a owner with it’s dog. “She’s a little scary at first-” He glanced up at you, blue eyes soft. “You don’t have to do this now.”
You swallowed and took a couple breaths to calm yourself down. You could do this. Your heart slowed to a much more normal pace. You totally got this. You loved the sincerity in JJ’s voice but you shook your head, “I’m good. I can do this.”
JJ grinned. “That’s my girl.” His eyes were bright and his smile gave you courage. You leaned forward and moved your hands slightly forward, pulling the bike forward. The bike lurched, spitting up gravel and dirt in it’s wake. Your body froze for a brief second but you laughed, giddy with the excitement of begin able to control the bike. You looked over your shoulder, your hair sliding down your back, to look at your boyfriend. He smiled.
“You got it- keep going.”
With his words, you nudged the bike forward, slowly easing it until you were actually driving it around the property. Very slowly, but still. You had controlled the bike.
“Hey!” JJ praised, helping you off the bike. “That was good. You were speeding though, try to slow down, yeah?”
You laughed as he kissed the corner of your lips. He grinned, and kissed you again.
“Sorry. Next time I’ll be more careful.”
You were so distracted by the distance memory that you didn’t notice JJ’s bike in John B.’s drive way. A bike that a long time ago he taught you to ride. You parked the car, and climbed out. You mentally prepared yourself for the questions.
You opened the screen door that led to the porch. The floorboards creaked under your weight as you knocked on the front door before letting yourself in. You smiled at Kie who was lounging on the couch. John B.’s voice called out,
“Kie, who is that?”
You were about to answer when a familiar blonde head popped into the room. Oh shit. You felt like bolting back to your car and speeding away. But your feet had grown roots, and you were frozen.
His pale hair was sticking up, the way you loved. He wore a long sleeve T-shirt with shorts. You loved that look. Or at least you used to- but who were you kidding? You still loved it. You still loved him. He was frozen too, blue eyes wide and jaw clenched.
Finally, you found words. Luckily, your voice didn’t break or waver. “I think I’m going to go.”
“Wait! No, Y/N!” John B. called, rushing after you as you turned around. You turned back around to face your best friend. You were closed off from JJ and Kie, who were in the house. You two stood on the porch. “C’mon. Stay?”
You sat up, pulling your shirt back over your torso. The shirt wasn’t your, it belonged to the naked boy lying in the bed. You glanced over your shoulder at him. The sheets covered his thighs and hips, but the rest of him was bare. You smiled softly at the sight. One arm was thrown out towards you, as if he was beckoning you to stay with him. The other was thrown over his eyes, obscuring half his face. You’re eyes traveled down to his chest, the toned plains were enough to make you weak. You spotted a glimpse of the sharp curve of his hip. You loved trailing your hands along his skin, memorizing and tracing the curves and divots of his body. One leg was bent, the other stretched out to reach the end of the bed. He looked like a Greek god in a painting. Toned, smooth and graceful. Elegance and strength merged into one perfectly molded body. He’d never admit to liking begin called graceful, but in this moment, this was the only word that described him.
Unable to just leave, you leaned over the boy, the sheets rustling. You pressed a light, lingering kiss to his lips. He hummed, a frowning marring his features as you pulled away. You laughed softly, not willing to break the sleepy, soft vibe in the room.
“Are you leaving?” He asked, voice thick with sleep. You returned to your seat on the edge of the bed, pulling your shorts back on.
“Yeah. I gotta go home. It was one of Mom’s good days. She’ll worry.” You whispered back.
You stood, buttoning your shorts and grabbing your bag. You heard JJ shift behind you, so you turned. His eyes were open, watching you behind heavy lids. His arms were reaching for you, the sheets even more tangled around his body.
“Stay,” He breathed, keeping your eyes on his beautiful ones. You softened. You really did want to stay. You’re mom would be drunk by the time you came home anyway. If not then, in the morning. What difference did it make?
You nodded and watched JJ relax, smiling lazily. You dropped your bag and took off your shorts and shirt. You climbed into the bed, curling into his arms, which held you tightly for the very sleep man belonging to them. His warmth bled into you, lighting you up. You stayed like that for a while, holding each other as if the world depended on it. You were positive that your boyfriend fell asleep so you cracked your eyes open when he spoke.
“I’m glad you stayed,” He whispered, pulling you closer and kissing your temple. You closed your eyes. You finally felt like you were home.
“Y/N?” John B. asked, eyebrows pulled together in concern. “Hey, are you okay?”
You blinked. You’d fallen into another memory. For the millionth time today. You sighed, nodding. “Yeah, just tired.”
John B. took it as true. Which it was. Just not why you spaced out. It was a white lie. He continued. “Stay. You and JJ need to work your shit out. Honestly- and I know it’s hard, but he just got into a nasty fight, and-” John B. sighed. “Just talk to him. We hate having to separate our time between you guys. It’s fucking bullshit.”
You sighed. He was right. It wasn’t fair that they had to split themselves for you and JJ’s messy breakup. Actually it wasn’t messy at all. A clean breakup. Said it, did it and follow the rules. The rules begin: never talking, never seeing each other and certainly not thinking about each other.
“Fine. I just came to get my board- I didn’t sign up for this. He doesn’t want me around, so why should I stay? I’m just getting my board and going.” You held John’s gaze.
“Just talk to him, yeah?” He begged. “You don’t know what he’s been like.”
Your head snapped up. “What?” What he’s been like. A small spark of hope flickered in your heart. Does that mean he was as heartbroken as you? Like he still loved you?
John B. gestured to the house. “If you want to find out, talk to him, Y/N.”
He was good. A clever bastard. You bite the inside of your cheek. You closed your eyes. You could barely handle seeing him, let alone talking to him. But you owed to yourself to find out if JJ was hurting, right? If he still loved you? Against better judgement, you stepped inside.
When you saw him again, you only saw colors. Red. For the graphics in his shirt and the cut across his cheek that had once spilled the same colored blood. Orange. For the rest of the vintage graphic on his tee. You saw it in the tint of his tan skin. Yellow. For the paleness of his hair and the words splayed across his chest. Green. For the dark, muted and almost gray color of his shorts. Blue. For the ice color of his eyes. Of the sky that also was reflected in the orbs of beauty. For the color blooming on his skin, mixed with- Purple. For the battle marks littering his skin like mosquito bites. For the bruise on his eye that showed like spilled paint. Pink. For the rich color of his chapped lips. Lips that held both the most heart warming and heart breaking words. Gray. For the background color of his shirt and the color of his hat that tamed the wild hair. Brown. For the muddy boots adorning his feet. White. For the pale of his eyes and the old paint splattered across his shirt. Black. For the orbs of darkness in his eyes and the belt across his hips. In him, you saw every color. A figure of pixels until he came into detail.
You swallowed. Hundreds of memories hit you as you took in the details of his begin, but none brought you back to that particular day. They waited, until you were vulnerable and alone. When they could plague you with the lost love.
“I just came for my board.” You spoke, your voice colder than you expected.
JJ took off his hat, running a hand through his hair. He nodded, jaw still clenched. “It’s out back.”
You licked your lips and moved past him to the back door, and the back yard, where you board would be waiting. You’d pick it up, put it in your car and leave. Because you weren’t interested in talking anymore. You almost sobbed by just looking at him. So how could you talk?
As you walked by, you caught a whiff of his scent. Sea salt and the ocean. And this time, you were totally unprepared as a memory washed over you.
You wrapped your arms around him tightly. You breathed in. JJ returned the tight hug, grunting at the pain of your arms pressing against his bruises. You eased up, and cupped his face. He’d gotten in another fight. And ended up in another cell. Kie’s father was practically fuming as he paid bail. Yet again. Usually Peterkin let it go, but she said she had to lock him up once in a while to make it look like she wasn’t looking the other way. She usually didn’t lock him up because she vaguely knew about JJ’s father.
“You’re kinda pressing my bruise, there, baby.” He whispered. You buried your face in his neck and breathed in his scent. The ocean practically roared in your ears. You loved the way he smelled. You loved the ocean, and you loved JJ. Your two favorite things, always tied to each other.
~
She rushed past me, her scent hitting me like a brick. God, the effect that girl still had on me. I bet she didn’t even know the half of it. She smelled like fruit and the summer breeze. If that could be a scent. I remembered running my hands through her soft hair and kissing her hair just to smell it. She would always giggled and push me away. But I knew she loved it.
I looked up to see Kie and John B. staring at me with wide eyes.
“What?” I huffed.
“JJ! Go after her!” Kie hissed, frowning.
“She obviously doesn’t want to see me,” I said, trying to push away the feeling of someone taking a hammer to my heart.
John B. laughed, “That’s what she said. Now get your ass out there before I fucking kick it.”
I blinked. She thought I didn’t want her here? Of course I did. It just hurt to see her, standing right there, but unable to touch her or hold her because of a stupid decision I made. I was scared that I was getting too dependent because all I could think about was her. Of her smile, and her laugh that filled the room. I was utterly consumed by her and it scared the shit out of me. So I ended it. Little did I know I was just falling in love.
I run my hands through my hair before opening the back door and following Y/N out. She was closing the back door of her car, her board disappearing behind the door. She slammed it shut, the sound ringing through the air.
“Wait,” I called out.
She turned, her hair flying around her face. My heart squeezed. Damn. I was a ducking idiot to think letting her go was the best option. Her lips pursed, like they always did when she got mad or frustrated. I walked down the steps, meeting her at her car.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, unable to verbalize what I was feeling or thinking. When it comes to Y/N, words are shit. Nothing can describe what she does to me or makes me feel.
Y/N face crumples as a sob breaks from her throat. It’s so sudden that I freeze. What am I supposed to do? Hold her? Tears stream down her face and I am helpless to stop it. God, I want to stop it, but what to do I do? I look on with worry, biting my lip.
“Why, JJ?” The words are broken, but I understand.
I lick my lips, sighing. “I thought it was the best thing to do.” I can barely meet her eyes.
“How? How is breaking up the best thing to do? I don’t know about you, but I am hurting.” She bites her lips to stop the sobs, but tears run freely down her cheeks. I desperately want to brush them away with my thumb, kiss her and tell her everything’s going to be okay, but I can’t.
I stop. She’s hurting too? At least I’m not the only one wishing I still had her.
“I know. I’m sorry. I-” I struggle to find the words. I can’t find any so I stop.
I look at the ground, studying the pebbles and dirt. I hear Y/N take a ragged breath.
“I need to know. JJ,” She pauses. “Was- was it something I did?”
My head snaps up so fast I think I got whip lash. “No!” The word spills out of my throat unprovoked.
She blinks, her eyelashes heavy and wet with tears. It breaks my heart. “Of course not. It was me, baby. All me.” I don’t even realize what I’ve said before her swollen lips fall open in a little ‘o’.
But I don’t regret it. It felt natural and good to call her that again. Because that’s how it should be. Not this not speaking and avoiding each other bullshit. We should be talking all day. I should be teaching her new moves with the surf board. I should be holding her and taking her to private spots so I can have sex with her. I should be able to kiss her in public. There should be hickeys on her neck from my mouth. But I can’t. Because of myself.
“I regret it,” My voice is barely above a whisper, but I know she hears me because her face softens and she sniffles. “Everyday. I miss you- a lot.”
She gives me a fleeting smile. My heart lifts and I feel better. I haven’t seen her smile in what feels like years. And even if it’s not a wholehearted one, I love it. She’s so pretty when she smiles.
“Me too.” Y/N whispers. Her eyes find mine. “But I need to heal.”
I nod. We both do. We watch each other for a heart beat. She leans up, and kisses my cheek. I savor the feeling of her lips against my skin. To think I took it for granted. Never again, if I get the chance to have her back. Her lips leave my skin and she smiles softly. Another mercy.
“Thank you for saving me, JJ.”
i cried :')
