mortal projections

You wanted Steve, and not just in the sexual way. 

It wasn’t just sudden. You were lying to yourself last night and many times before that– that you never once harbored feelings for Steve. They were always there, but they were easier to manage before. It was easier to watch him from the sidelines as he flirted his way with every other girl in school, longing to be one of them. Meanwhile, you did what you could to try and push those feelings towards others.  

Steve stirs slightly, pulling you closer to him in his sleep as you feel his hard cock press against your ass and his arm comes up just underneath your breasts. This made it even harder to focus when Steve was this close to you, holding you in such an intimate way with his lips tickling your neck. Lips which were now pressing soft kisses to your neck. 

This wasn’t a dream, right? Steve was truly holding you close as he kissed the back of your neck and it wasn’t just the start of a wet dream. You pinch yourself, and the sting from it proves that this was one hundred percent real.

You let yourself indulge a moment longer in his arms. What if you just said “fuck it” and admitted your true feelings to Steve? What if you told him you were ready to explore more with each other and not just as friends? 

What if… what if… what if…

No. 

It was as simple as that. You weren’t going to risk your friendship with Steve despite your feelings. There wasn’t a chance in hell that he would feel the same way as you.

“... Steve?” 

“Mmm, mornin’,” he mutters against your skin before pulling back from you. You wonder, despite how tired he sounds,  if he realizes that he kissed the back of your neck just now. “Time is it?”

“It’s… almost four.”

“What?” He shifts from behind you, allowing you to be free from his hard dick pressing against you. “Jesus… Why are we awake?”

“I just woke up. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” he yawns, and you finally feel brave enough to turn towards him. The light peeking through the window blinds shines across his chest as he stretches his arms up, and you take in all that you can. 

When he runs his hand through his hair, you quickly look away, and sit up. “I should probably go.”

“What? Why? It’s late, you shouldn’t be driving when it’s dark out.” 

“Steve, I only live around the corner–”

“You think that doesn’t mean you are just as at risk of being kidnapped or hurt? Plus, it’s raining.” 

Steve places his hand on your back, and you have to fight hard to pretend that his touch doesn’t affect you in the way that makes you want to just turn and kiss him. God, why did the simplest and most comforting touch have to take over your mind and body the way it did? 

Shaking your head, you move the blanket off of you before getting out of his bed, feeling Steve’s gaze on you. 

“I probably shouldn’t have stayed, anyways.” 

“Why not? You’ve stayed over plenty of times. This isn’t any different.”

Except it was. Steve might not have thought that it wasn’t different, but you did. You wanted more. How could you explain to him that all you wanted to do was spend every moment with him as more than friends? 

“Look, I just want to be home, Steve.”

You get out of his bed, walking to grab your other clothes along with your shoes. Steve flicks on the lamp by his bedside, making it easier to locate them.

“Did I do something?” 

Stopping in place, you turn back to Steve as you hear the concern in his voice. His tired eyes bore into yours, and a heavy feeling starts to form in the pit of your stomach.

“No, Steve. You didn’t. I’m just tired and I shouldn’t be here.”

“Why not?”

Because I won’t be able to handle being next to you in your arms a moment longer and have it not mean anything.

You gaze into Steve’s eyes a moment longer, before you finally decide to look away. All of the things you wanted to say to him continued filling inside you, growing more and more that you felt as if you would burst. 

Would it be so bad if you did? You would finally be honest with yourself and with Steve– that was better than continuing to deny your feelings, right? But would he feel the same? All of these questions were left unanswered, and you didn’t know how to react to it all.

“…I have to go. I’ll see you, Steve.”

Grabbing your things, you quickly leave as you ignore the calling of your name. Were you being a coward? Probably. But if it meant keeping Steve in your life even just as a friend, you would gladly keep your feelings hidden. 

Steve was right about the rain, it was pouring hard you could barely see your way to your car. Within the first few steps, you were already soaked— your clothes stuck to your skin as your hair became drenched. You hardly cared, all you wanted was to get out of Steve’s driveway. You forced yourself to keep from looking back to his window because if you did, you knew that you would instantly go back to him. 

But something stopped you regardless as you were halfway to your car. Why were you even running in the first place? Because you were scared of admitting your feelings? Or was it because you were scared of the possibility of losing Steve? Was it both? Because admitting your feelings meant finally being honest to Steve about your feelings.

It meant being honest with yourself.  

Growing up, you always kept those feelings of Steve hidden away, but they never truly were. There was constant denial to yourself even now– just last night, even. You, along with most of the other girls in your school, fawned over Steve. It did make things easier when he wasn’t talking to you as much, but even still you had to push down those feelings and fantasies about being his. 

Now, though… things were different between you both and whether he felt the same or not, there was no point in trying to run away from him now. Steve knows you better than anyone, and he was starting to learn more about you intimately, just as you were with him. He knew exactly where to touch you– knew what spots along your body you were craving his hands or lips. You didn’t even have to tell him because he just knew– it was as if he watched you closely anytime your breath would hitch at the slightest touch or he would feel you tremble at the softest brush of his lips. 

Steve knows you, and he has been helping you learn more about him in these last few weeks since you’ve started being physical with each other. With every kiss, it was as if he hungered to taste you. You felt the way he would lean into your touch, and used that to give him what he wanted even though what he claimed he wanted was to make you feel good, but that wasn’t enough for you. 

You wanted all of him. 

The urge to make him come undone by your hands and body alone was a need you never felt before. You wanted to hear the sweet way he moans your name anytime you touch him and to see the want in his eyes. 

You turn and look up at his window, staring at it as the rain continues to fall. That shattering sound of lightning jolts you from your thoughts, and before you could stop yourself you were already making your way back towards Steve’s house. So many emotions began flooding your entire body– anxiousness, hopefulness, and even longing. There was no turning back now, especially since just as you were about to knock on the door it opened up, and you watched as Steve finished slipping on his hoodie. 

Steve stares frozen at you as if not expecting you to be there. Was he really just about to chase you down in this rain? When he says your name, his voice is low and soft like a feather flowing through the wind and brushing against your cheek.

You stare at each other, and you see a flash in Steve’s eyes telling you that he knows what is about to happen. The space between you both soon fills with longing spilling from the both of you. You hungered to taste his lips against your mouth and throat and desired to feel his hands roam along your body. Just as he steps forward, you throw yourself against him, and press your lips to his. 

Steve doesn’t hesitate in returning the kiss. In fact, he pulls you close with one arm while the other pushes the door closed. You soon find yourself backed up against the door, Steve’s chest pressed against yours while his lips devour yours in a heated kiss. Your hands roam up his chest to the back of his neck, urging him closer to you.  

You feel a light squeeze of his hand on your hip just as the other is placed along your jaw, tilting your head back slightly as he moves his kisses from your mouth along your neck. No words were spoken between the two of you during this heated exchange, but you both understood what was about to happen. 

Steve tugs at the hem of your shirt that you had completely forgotten was soaked from the rain, his fingers brushing against your stomach underneath. He lifts it up over your head and drops it to the ground, where it lands with a plop, before he claims your mouth with his once more. A chill brushes over your bare skin and you can’t help but shiver as he reaches behind you and removes your bra, discarding it along with your shirt. 

It’s your turn to begin touching more of Steve, and you find yourself helping him shrug off his hoodie before reaching for the bottom of his shirt. It lands almost silently compared to yours as you throw it to the ground, but all you are focused on at the moment is roaming your hands along Steve’s toned body. His chest is firm and warm against your touch and his chest hair lightly tickles the pads of your fingertips. 

Steve pulls you with him, your breasts flush against his own chest as he leads you away from the door and towards the living room, his lips never parting from yours. You can’t get enough of the way Steve kisses you– how could you have gone this long without the feel of his mouth against yours? Your thoughts rush inside your head as he has you lie back on the couch, his body hovering over yours. 

It is then that Steve finally breaks the kiss, slightly panting as he stares down at you with an intense gaze in his eyes. The longer he stares at you, the hotter you begin to feel, the chill from standing out in the middle of the rain long gone. 

“Do you want to keep going?” He asks, his voice low and lust-filled. Even the sound of his voice makes your desire for him stronger.

“Yes,” you reply, practically breathless. 

Steve lets out a groan and kisses you, his tongue swiping along your bottom lip before deepening the kiss. His hand comes up to one of your breasts, squeezing it and massaging it as he moves his kisses along your jaw towards your neck. You tilt your head back, allowing him more access to your skin as you indulge in the feeling of his mouth and hands. 

“I thought you were going to leave,” he mutters, trailing his kisses down to your chest. 

“I was,” you gasp as he moves his mouth over your other breast, kissing and licking at your hardened nipple. Your body responded to him, each touch from his hands and flicks of his tongue sending sparks of pleasure down between your legs. 

“What changed your mind?” He pulls back, looking up at you. 

You pause, truly thinking of how to answer without trying to scare him away. “I… I don’t–”

“I think you do,” Steve’s hand trails down between your bodies, and he tugs at the waistband of your sweatpants as you breathe shakily. “And I think I know, too.”

He leans up, his lips brushing against yours and just as you go to connect your lips with his, he pulls back teasingly. He continues doing so, his lips coming just close enough to kiss and each time you think he will, he pulls back again.

“Tell me,” he whispers, his breath fanning your lips. “Tell me and I’ll give you what you want, sweetheart.” 

The slight teasing from Steve and the feeling of his body pressed against yours only turns you on even more. His fingers brush underneath your waistband and all you want is for him to slide his hand between your legs where you needed it most. 

“…I want you,” you answer so quietly, you wonder if Steve even heard you. 

He answers with a sensual kiss, which tells you he must’ve heard your response. Each moment, the feel of his soft lips against yours feels more provocative, and all you crave is the brush of his lips against every inch of your body. To feel his hands all over you– in your hair and the places you need to be touched the most. 

“Say it again,” he murmurs against your mouth before slowly making his way downwards. He begins to pull your pants down, followed by your underwear. You glance down at Steve, seeing his eyes dark and hungry for you as he waits for you to respond. 

“I want you,” you reply, slightly louder. 

Steve begins kissing up your thigh, slowly pushing them apart as he makes his way to your center at a painstaking pace. His fingers dig into your soft, tender flesh just as they had when he did this exact thing last night. Thoughts from that night begin to emerge and you feel the wetness between your legs as he lifts one over his shoulder. 

“Again,” he demands and all you can do is whine at the feel of his lips and tongue as they ascend closer and closer to the ache between your legs. 

“I want you, Steve–” you gasp as he presses his mouth over your wet pussy. 

Steve presses wet, sloppy kisses all around while your hands search for something to grasp. His tongue slowly circles around you and all the pleasure that sat pent up waits to burst. With every moan you let out, Steve responds by moving his tongue and mouth to continue to build up that pleasure. 

“God– how is it that you taste even better than last night?” He growls lightly against you, licking a long stripe up your cunt. 

Your hand finds its way to Steve’s hair as you lightly tug at his locks, urging him back to continue. He delves in without haste, and all you can think about is how good his mouth feels on you like this. Your hips begin to roll, trying to gain more friction from his tongue. 

“Fuck, Steve… that feels so good.” 

Steve brings his arm up, reaching to grab one of your breasts as he squeezes it, his thumb brushing over your nipple. He continues rolling his tongue against you– licking and sucking as he helps you climb higher and higher to your peak of desired pleasure. 

Everything that happened moments ago no longer matters. The only thing on your mind is the fact that Steve is here eating you out, and that you want to do so much more with him. You imagined your hand tangling in his hair and feeling his body pressed against yours, his mouth opening for you as you help him lose himself with lust and desire.

Steve brings his other hand up as he pulls his mouth away from you, and presses his fingers against your clit softly. You look down to watch him, his gaze set intently on you as he begins circling his fingers. 

“Oh, God– Steve, don’t stop,” you mewl, your hand gripping his hair as you try pulling his mouth back to your cunt. 

He moves his hand lower, slowly pushing one finger in as you shiver, and he places his mouth over your clit. His finger begins pumping in and out of you, carefully stretching you before he adds in a second one. Although there is a slight sting, you can’t help but only focus on how his tongue rolls against you and soon the warmth begins to build inside of you.   

“Yes!” You cry out, trying to meet your hips with his fingers and mouth. “Fuck—“

“Are you going to cum?” Steve asks, his voice slightly muffled from being pressed against your pussy. “I can tell you are— you’re squeezing around my fingers.”

You nod quickly, moaning as he pushes a third finger inside you. He slows the movement of his fingers at first, trying to help you ease into being so full, but his tongue continues rolling against your clit at the same pace. His fingers begin to brush that sweet spot inside of you, urging the beginning of your orgasm eagerly. 

Suddenly, it hits you hard— washing over you as a tidal wave full of pleasure. Your body shakes as you let out a string of cries, the blood rushing from your head to your toes. Steve laps up at your pussy, licking up all of you as he pulls his fingers away, and all you can do is fall back against the cushions full of bliss. 

Your ears ring as stars dance behind your eyelids, and you feel Steve shift over you, kissing his way up your body. He murmurs your name against your neck softly, and you open your eyes, staring up at him as he moves over you. 

“Do you want to stop?”

“No,” you answer quickly. “I want to keep going.” 

Steve breathes out, and if you didn’t know it you would say he seemed a tad anxious. He kisses you deeply, grabbing your arms as he pulls you up to stand. You stumble into his chest, placing your hands flat over him as he leads you towards his room, your clothes long forgotten on the floor.

“As hot as it was eating you out on my couch, I don’t want your first time to be there.” 

With that comment, your heart begins to race. You had almost for a moment forgotten about the agreement you made. Everything you have done with Steve so far has led to this. How would this change things? Would this change things between you both? 

All thoughts are soon thrown out the window as Steve puts his mouth upon yours once more. Kissing Steve just felt so right, almost as if he was the only person you were meant to kiss. Every glide of his mouth moving against yours was warm and soothing and seemed to be meant only for you. This left you wondering if Steve kissed others exactly like this, or if you were different and this was only reserved for you. 

Soon, you find yourself back in Steve’s room, his hands and mouth still all over you. He walks you back to his bed, your knees hitting the mattress as he gently moves you onto it. You shift backwards and sit down as Steve stays standing, his hands moving to his pajama pants. He takes them off, and you drag your eyes down to his hard cock.

“See anything you like?” He smirks, causing you to lift your gaze back up to him. You feel your cheeks warm as he crawls over you and you lie back against the mattress as he kisses you. 

“Hang on,” he breaks the kiss, reaching over to his bedside table as he digs through it. He pulls a condom out and lies next to you as you wait for him, the anticipation slowly working its way to you.  

Steve settles back between your legs and braces one of his arms by your head, his thumb brushing your hair out of your face– a move so tender that you feel yourself relax. Steve’s face is close to yours, his eyes searching for any hint of hesitance. Ensuring that this was what you want, you grab the back of his neck and pull him down, kissing him deeply, and you feel his dick press against your thigh as he shifts. 

You open your legs more for him as you bring your hand from his neck to his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin. Steve reaches up, taking your hand as he gently pins it to the mattress next to your head, entangling his fingers with yours. 

“I’ll go slow, but if it hurts you tell me. Okay?” He asks, looking down at you. 

Swallowing thickly, you nod as you squeeze Steve’s hand. He leans down, capturing your lips with his as he begins to move closer to your center, his dick just pressing at the entrance. Closing your eyes, you gasp into Steve’s mouth as he pushes his hips slowly. Your other hand clasps around Steve’s shoulder as your nails dig into his skin, feeling the fullness of Steve now completely inside of you. 

Trying to stay still, you let out a slow breath as Steve kisses the corner of your mouth. “You okay?” 

“Mhmm... yeah. Yeah, just…” you breathe out, letting your head fall back against the pillow. “Can you move?”

“Yeah. I got you, babe.”

Steve slowly pulls back, his dick almost completely out of you before he pushes back in, and you gasp. He continues the motion and eventually you feel yourself becoming lost in the sensation of Steve fucking you. You grip Steve’s hand as he rolls his hips, and you try meeting the thrusts with yours as you open up fully for him. 

“Jesus, you feel fuckin’ good,” Steve groans, his lips brushing against your jaw before he leaves kisses along your skin down to your neck. “So fuckin’ tight.”

“Faster,” you urge, trying to use your thigh to guide him. 

“Are you sure—“

“Yes. I want you, Steve. Please,” you all but beg.

Steve releases what almost sounds like a growl, before he brings his mouth to yours and kisses you with a fire he has not done so before. He releases your hand and drags his lower as he brings your thigh around his waist, his fingers digging into your flesh as he increases his pace. Moaning, you turn your head as Steve moves back to kiss your neck. 

His body presses yours into the mattress and all you can think of is how you only want more. You’ve missed out on feeling this way with Steve for so long, and now that you were here with him you didn’t want to stop. Your hand grasps his hair, pulling on his locks as you try matching his pace with every roll of your hips. Steve snaps his own hips harder and your entire body is filled with lust as it takes over you like a drug, controlling your every movement, thought, and sound you release. Your body practically craved being closer to him. Every thought filling your mind was either clouded or was only of him, and all you could do was moan his name over and over again.

“Fuck, Steve,” you whimper, feeling him suck a mark at the base of your neck. 

“Do you know how good you feel?” He drags his tongue along your skin before pressing a kiss to your jaw. “Fucking perfect. Like you were made for me.” 

He pulls back, staring down at you with those dark eyes clouded with want and need for you. The longer he stares at you, the hotter you begin to feel. You weren’t sure if he truly meant what he was saying– if it was in the heat of the moment or not. But he still said it to you, and you couldn’t help how it was making you feel inside. 

You could feel the warmth begin to build up inside you once again as his hard cock continued brushing that spot inside of you. His thrusts were almost frantic now, craving that same release that you needed badly. 

“Fuck,” you gasp, clutching onto him.

“You’re close again, aren’t you?” 

Nodding, your nails begin to dig into his skin. Steve brings a hand up to gently brush his fingers along your jaw, before he grabs it. He leans down, his lips almost brushing yours, and as you try to lean up to kiss him, he pulls back teasingly like before. He continues rocking his hips, fucking you into the mattress. 

“Go on, babe. I wanna feel you cum all over me,” Steve pants before kissing you roughly. 

You wrap your arms around his back, pulling him even closer than you were. As your nails rake down his back, Steve hisses, and places his head into the crook of your neck. He moves harder and faster, soon taking you over the edge as you reach your second orgasm. 

 Crying out his name, your legs wrap around him, and you squeeze his cock as he also begins to lose himself in pleasure. He groans against your skin and you feel the muscles in his back tense. You were so close to him, the closest you had ever been and it was so different— more intimate as you clutch onto Steve, feeling his hips begin to stutter before he finally pushes once more, staying in place.

The room soon fills with soft panting from you and Steve, and you can hear the patter of the rain hitting the window outside. Steve’s body feels so warm against yours and all you can think of is how cold you will feel as soon as he pulls away from you. After this, everything will change, and you weren’t sure how you were going to deal with everything. You can only close your eyes, staying in place as you take in this serene moment before Steve suddenly shifts. 

He exhales deeply before pushing himself off until he hovers above you and that’s when you finally bring it upon yourself to look up at him. You take in the pink of his cheeks and how bright his eyes look now. His lips part slightly, as if he has something to say, but all he does is clear his throat to look away from you. The motion stings you and you soon find yourself back down in the reality of what just occurred between you both.  

“Let me just…” Steve gently pulls out of you and gets up from his bed, turning his lamp on as he grabs a tissue to clean himself. 

Pulling the sheet over you, you sit up as you wait for Steve to come back to the bed. You try not to let the thoughts from before get to you, but the longer you sit there, the more you begin to wonder if it was a good idea. You couldn’t really tell what Steve was feeling about all this— he just seemed cool and collected as ever as he sat down next to you. 

“…Are you okay?” He asks, breaking the silence. “I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?”

“No. No, you didn’t. It was… well, y’know.”

“I don’t, actually,” Steve replies smugly as he leans down, propping himself against the mattress. “How was it?”

You scoff lightly, looking down at him as he pushes his hair back. Taking in the pinkness of his cheeks and the brightness in his eyes, it all finally hits you. Just seeing how Steve looks in this moment and with the reality of what happened minutes ago has you overcome with so much emotion. 

You just had sex with your best friend.  

“It… Well, it felt nice,” is all you can answer with. 

“Just nice?” 

He was trying to lighten up the mood. You could tell by the slight smirk on his lips and the playful look in his eyes. How was he not freaking out about this like you were? 

“I mean… yeah. It felt really good.” 

“Well, then… I’m glad. I was worried there for a bit. Wanted it to be good for you.”

“It was.” 

God, why was it so hard just to talk to him about it?

Steve hums, reaching a hand out to brush your arm with his finger. Goosebumps trail along your skin, and all you do is pull the sheet closer to you. How could every touch make you react so easily? 

“Why don’t you stay a bit longer?” He asks softly. “We could go back to sleep, then I could make you breakfast or some shit in the morning. It’s still raining outside.” 

“Oh… right,” you pause, debating on whether or not you should just get up and leave. But when Steve moves his  hand over your thigh as it stays covered by the sheet, you find it impossible to leave. 

He moves over, making space for you as you settle on the bed next to him. You lie on your side, your heart racing inside your chest as he turns the light off, and lies next to you. Neither of you make a sound, the rain falling outside instead filling the room. Steve faces you, but keeps a space between you both although part of you wanted him to fill that emptiness between you both. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks softly. “You’re quiet.”

“I’m okay. Just tired, that’s all.” 

Steve studies you for a moment before nodding, and pulls the blanket higher above you both. Your heart warms at the motion, though you try not to show it. 

“Get some sleep, honey.”

“You, too,” you whisper. 

But you can’t seem to find sleep. While Steve snores softly next to you, all you can do is let your mind fill your head with so many anxious thoughts. You didn’t want to lose Steve, but this entire situation was your choice. You were the one who asked him to have sex with you, which he did agree to. He seemed okay with everything going on between you both, but did he expect anything else to happen tomorrow? Or were things going to change in the way you were worried about in the first place?

It was too much for you to deal with while lying naked in bed next to Steve. Carefully, you lift the blanket up as you get out of his bed. He shifts slightly and you freeze, afraid that he will wake up and catch you trying to leave. When he rolls over onto his stomach, hugging the pillow you were just resting on, you debate leaving, but do so anyway.

You spare one last look at Steve before grabbing some warm clothes to wear and descend downstairs, grabbing your discarded clothes from earlier that were still wet. You notice the rain has let up and the sun begins to rise, making it easier to see your way to your car. 

This time, you don’t look back to Steve’s window before leaving.

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