Howdy.

When I meet someone I like, I want to ask a million questions about them BECAUSE I AM INTERESTED!!! I don’t know if this is because I am an Aries or what. But I get very impatient and I have to pace myself and not come on too strong. So I’m here. 

Staying away from my phone. 

I am very big on not chasing after a man. That’s not my job. He chases me. He will chase me if he really wants me. Otherwise, let him fall loosely from my fingers like sand. A constant struggle for me. To not get so hastily attached when I find someone who shows signs of clicking with me. And he tells me so. Tells me that it’s weird that he feels like he knows me. Maybe I’m a chump.... I get so excited about, I guess the feelings and possibilities and I love the banter we have and the teasing. It’s fun. But then I set a boundary when he gave me a red flag. Which saddened me. So it probably won’t work. I don’t think he’s ready for the type of woman I am. He’s looking for what I can’t and certainly will not give him.

So here we are. 

Stay the course. You and your man will meet one day. 

I’d like to know how many cocks I’ve made twitch even in the slightest. 

Lollll Bc I don’t get any REAL feedback in real life. Like, guys my age, older and younger look at me. Some will say Hi or linger their gaze on me. But other than that, I don’t how attractive I am to the opposite sex. I know I’m not ugly. And I’ve got a curvy figure, so maybe that’s why they stare? 

But yeah, I’d like a count of how many cocks I’ve had the pleasure of making twitch...Males aged 16-50. 

I think I suck at relationships. I feel I am very intense. AND NEEDY. Lolll 

So I just need to let some thoughts out.

My sister (34) just told me today that she’s not a virgin anymore which is a big deal. My parents raised all us siblings to remain virgins until we got married. I’m just kind of shocked. I kind of looked up to her for remaining a virgin for so long. 

Her reason why to have sex was because she had expected to be married by now. I think that’s what she said. And the sad part about it is that she didn’t even have a good first time. That is so sad. She didn’t even tell her bf that she was a virgin. She said she didn’t want to make it a big deal. I should have known when she started talking about getting an IUD. Her reasoning was that she didn’t want to have to take a pill everyday. And the reason for taking the pill was to get her hormones balanced because she’s had history of not having periods. I am so naive. I didn’t know that she had made up her mind that she was going to become sexually active. She never told me either. I had in fact asked her what her bf thought of her not having sex with him. I asked her was he okay with it. She brushed me off. Now I know why. She also just doesn’t really like talking about sex. Whenever we would get around to the subject, she would always be like I don’t feel comfortable talking to my little sister about this yada yada yada. But today she told me. And.....um I ........I’m just surprised. And disappointed. Kind of thought we were in this together. Guess not. 

I have pretty different thoughts about sex than my sister. I want my first time to be pleasurable. That’s right. I want it to mean something. I’m going to be honest with my husband. You’re already in such a vulnerable state during sex...why hide things? Don’t you want to have a good time? Shouldn’t we plan for the best time possible for both of us? If we truly love each other? I want my husband to be a virgin. Not a dealbreaker if he isn’t but it’d be nice. 

We get to learn together. We get to experiment together. I find that very appealing and hot. To share something so intimate with only one other individual. That belonging to each other. I love it. 

She also told me that sex hurts. I’ve told her: you’re not doing it right, then. I don’t think she’s getting aroused properly. She told me she has to drink before sex. This is terrible. And that first bf she had sex with he ended up cheating on her. I’m mad at her for giving it up on him. She also told me she NEVER orgasmed with him........I mean.....never? Five times they had sex, she told me. She said he only asked her if she orgasmed the first time they had sex; that was it. It’s so sad. 

I have so many thoughts.

And yesterday, YESterRDAYYY I just purchased a freaking book off Amazon called “Why Waiting Works” by Rob Kowsoki or Kowoksoki. Kowsoloki...Idk. But it’s coming to my house like, today. Lord knew I would need some encouragement. I have been following Rob on Instagram for like 3 or 4 months now and he is so blunt about sex. Love that. Anyway, in the book he talks about why couples should wait to have sex until marriage, and why would anyone want to do that, etc. etc. Rob used to be a stripper. lol It’s true.