sending immaculate energy your way :) sending pleasant energy DIRECTLY at you :) sending 5,000 dollars INTO your bank account :)

i know complicated relatable villains are all the rage nowadays but i think there’s something to be said for a villain like skeletor who is just like “i hate fun. i hope bad things happen” like i respect the commitment

mornings are gross and i want no part in them

me seeing a big strawberry: wow a big strawberry

this is what that post that said “wow you guys will reblog anything” meant

Damn what if you told your dad he mispronounced a word during a zoom meeting and he disowned you for embarrassing him and told you you were only welcome back home if you found bigfoot so you spend three years travelling the world to find bigfoot but along the way you become friends with bigfoot and teach him how to fight so he beats up your dad for you

I'd like to imagine somebody who doesn't understand the reference reading this post.

new jersey looks like lumberly actions

The 2020 one will be wild

I feel like I just watched myself grow up 😭

apparently soup store was based on a real-life incident ????

so my brain read the first bit and then i thought Lizzo the singer had come up with it and given the idea to this guy and i didnt question it like she can write songs might as well dip your toe in meme comedy

*materializes*

The names Practice

Mal Practice

Nice to meet you Dr. Practice, could you please tell me what’s wrong with my son :)

He needs surgery on all of his bones

Very well, here is my credit card :)

I accept no payment I do this because I love it

The ancient greeks really had graves for dogs. And they carved stuff on the stone like “carrying you here, I now feel as much grief as I felt joy when I carried you home” and “you never barked without reason, but now you are silent”. The human urge to tell a story spans centuries and millennia, and the loss of a really good dog makes you want to tell people - even people centuries in the future, who will never know your name - that there once was a dog who was a very good girl, but now she no longer is and you aren’t sure what to do with all this sorrow.

Maiden-face. A very good and very pretty girl.

Guess what name my dog will have once i finally get one?

oh to be a chunky orange farm cat 

oh i love bathtub

Do you read :D as an open-mouthed smile or a smile with teeth?