Musing of a Knight

Not the “oh Einstein was probably autistic” or the sanitized Helen Keller story. but this history disabled people have made and has been made for us.

Teach them about Carrie Buck, who was sterilized against her will, sued in 1927, and lost because “Three generations of imbeciles [were] enough.”

Teach them about Judith Heumann and her associates, who in 1977, held the longest sit in a government building for the enactment of 504 protection passed three years earlier.

Teach them about all the Baby Does, newborns in 1980s who were born disabled and who doctors left to die without treatment, who’s deaths lead to the passing of The Baby Doe amendment to the child abuse law in 1984.

Teach them about the deaf students at Gallaudet University, a liberal arts school for the deaf, who in 1988, protested the appointment of yet another hearing president and successfully elected I. King Jordan as their first deaf president.

Teach them about Jim Sinclair, who at the 1993 international Autism Conference stood and said “don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you.”

Teach about the disability activists who laid down in front of buses for accessible transit in 1978, crawled up the steps of congress in 1990 for the ADA, and fight against police brutality, poverty, restricted access to medical care, and abuse today.

"Sure, jump through all these hoops first."

"I am disabled in such a way that I cannot do that."

"There are places that will help you apply."

"What are these places?"

"We don't keep an updated list. Try looking it up yourself and making a hundred phone calls."

"I don't think I can do that. I need help to find help."

"Tough shit."

"Okay, it took me three months to do this and then I waited on a list for 6 months to get in to see a social worker, who helped me with the application. I have submitted it. Now what?"

"You have to wait for months and months while we examine every aspect of your life. We will communicate with you solely via paper mail, so you had better have a stable address. The letters arrive less than a week before deadlines and our site only runs on Internet Explorer."

"All right. So you use my doctor's records, right?"

"We appoint our own just to be sure."

"Okay, fair enough. Hang on, this person offers conversion therapy?! How can I be sure they aren't, like, fucking unhinged?!"

"We have another doctor. They have an opening in three months."

"...Okay. I have pretended not to be queer and have seen the TERF doctor. It actually went well and they said they were optimistic. I'm legitimately disabled. You can see that now, right?"

"Well, barring an act of God, we reject almost everyone."

"...Weren't you going to tell me I can reapply?"

"That was in a very poorly-worded letter you probably didn't get."

"Okay, but why would reapplying change anything? Like, everything is going to be the same."

"You might have better luck applying with a lawyer."

"I can't afford one."

"They take their cut out of your back pay, presuming you eventually are approved."

"Okay, so the appeal won't take as long as the first time, right?"

"It might take longer."

"Okay. Now that I have successfully appealed, I get a handbook telling me what I am allowed and not allowed to do, right?"

"Of course not! You have to call our hotline and wait on hold for several hours."

"But they keep telling me conflicting things! How do I know the truth about the rules?!"

"We will let you know when you've violated them. Try not to violate them by, for instance, not reporting that you accepted food or money from your family and friends."

"I picked up a quarter in the parking lot. Am I supposed to report that, too?!"

"Yes. By the way, you can't be in a relationship without us counting their income against you, and you aren't allowed to have more than $2,000 in assets."

"But my house is falling down! I need to save up $4,000 to fix the roof!"

"NO."

"What if I access a program for the needy to help me with things I need?"

"You have to report all of that in case it counts against you. But we won't give you the rules."

"I found the handbook online and it says I'm allowed to do XYZ..."

"Our representatives may not be well-trained, so they will probably make mistakes and count it anyway."

"How do I fix that?"

"Hire a lawyer, idk lol."

Etc. ad nauseam.

You cannot win with these people. They are bastards and whether or not the system was DESIGNED to crush and kill us, it does, and has been allowed to remain that way, so at this point it is very deliberate.

And when we talk about it we are told we're a burden, should kill ourselves, aren't worth saving, are lying, are derailing, being depressing, or lashing out inappropriately.