Mindless, Spineless

Loving you is like driving in a car without a seatbelt. I may not be hurt during the process, but crashing is almost fatal.  Here I am now, post-crash, in critical condition. Yet somehow still alive. If you asked me to get back in the car, of course, I’d want to say yes. But I know I’m safer healing here on the side of the road then getting back into that moving car. You whip the turns so fast and recklessly. Like you know you’d never get hurt. Maybe that’s because you know you won’t. You are the one in control. There’s no guarantee you’d even drive me to a hospital. You’d probably just go home and leave me in the car to bleed out. So I lay here and wait. My legs perpendicular to each other, my ribs broken in pieces, and my head bleeding out. I lay here and hope. Hope that someone will find me. I don’t even know where I am. But maybe not too soon. The night sky looks beautiful. I stare at the moon and the stars until they all morph together. Suddenly I am free.

my stomach growls, so I buy food, and once I sit down I have no desire to eat anymore ugh this isn’t healthy

drinking vodka in class... and crying a little

(that was all I could eat)