a collection of observations

I am somehow living, but without a single feeling the numbness echoes as it ebbs into my soul

there could be passion but I lost it somewhere the echoes of it haunt me running circles without care

this change in me is scary a new version of myself will I hate them more and am I left to dwell? on who I thought I could be instead of who I am either way its pointless I exist as one can

wide awake and waiting for what? I couldn't say but I'm alive and I am breathing just as well, one could say

I can't hide it from my face this hollow ache that takes away this weariness that seeps inside all I'm left with is a sigh

I forgot I could feel and that blinded me to the pain it kept me going but lost all the same

barely holding on to a weight I cannot bear it hurts me to push forward but somehow I am here

swirling emotions poison me from within I can't fight this feeling that I'm drowning while I swim

who I am and who I was will never be the same I'm not entirely new but I'm incapable of being who I once was I am forever changed.

what words could be said that I haven't already uttered they pierce at me and painfully push me to speak more

I used to have hope, I think in the hopeless mire I found myself I used to think, maybe but then let myself be swallowed by rage and now I think impossible why bother, nothing changes. and yet it never the same

I wish I had the energy I once did to push back and fight against whatever it was that I fought I'm not sure who I was or what I was doing but now, I wonder what have I lost?

my soul it aches endlessly every thought that leads to you is kept alive with me and yet you're not

can I find my voice as an anchor giving breath to meaning and regard towards choice I hold purpose and consequence as though they have weight this heaviness it burdens but is needed all the same

I feel my sanity fading like tenterhooks coming undone and all that's left is this sense of loss

I chase lost prayers they fold inside me like twisted origami unrealized and warped by the times you forgot

your memory a bittersweet reminder of who I was and who I've become sinks deeper as time ages my soul and I whisper regrets like tears that drip from my face