a collection of observations

swirling emotions poison me from within I can't fight this feeling that I'm drowning while I swim

who I am and who I was will never be the same I'm not entirely new but I'm incapable of being who I once was I am forever changed.

what words could be said that I haven't already uttered they pierce at me and painfully push me to speak more

I used to have hope, I think in the hopeless mire I found myself I used to think, maybe but then let myself be swallowed by rage and now I think impossible why bother, nothing changes. and yet it never the same

I wish I had the energy I once did to push back and fight against whatever it was that I fought I'm not sure who I was or what I was doing but now, I wonder what have I lost?

my soul it aches endlessly every thought that leads to you is kept alive with me and yet you're not

can I find my voice as an anchor giving breath to meaning and regard towards choice I hold purpose and consequence as though they have weight this heaviness it burdens but is needed all the same

I feel my sanity fading like tenterhooks coming undone and all that's left is this sense of loss

I chase lost prayers they fold inside me like twisted origami unrealized and warped by the times you forgot

your memory a bittersweet reminder of who I was and who I've become sinks deeper as time ages my soul and I whisper regrets like tears that drip from my face

I can feel it creeping in when I'm tired or alone weak for a moment and suddenly I'm lost

Another study in clouds. I'm obsessed so I can't help it!

I had memories but they were a betrayal left without comprehension and lost in an a quagmire like abyss

echoes of thoughts consume like a curse my mind has been caught I fear that which would subsume the desolation of my empty heart

pieces of me are scattered in the ashes of who I was the resemblance may be uncanny but they're not enough

interlaced with my identity this anxiety weaves its web through me I am lost in the tangles

my world has not ended and the inexorable march of time continues and continues regardless of whether I want it to unknowingly, almost seemingly and I recognize this infinitesimal existence clings on