a collection of observations

can I find my voice as an anchor giving breath to meaning and regard towards choice I hold purpose and consequence as though they have weight this heaviness it burdens but is needed all the same

I feel my sanity fading like tenterhooks coming undone and all that's left is this sense of loss

I chase lost prayers they fold inside me like twisted origami unrealized and warped by the times you forgot

your memory a bittersweet reminder of who I was and who I've become sinks deeper as time ages my soul and I whisper regrets like tears that drip from my face

I can feel it creeping in when I'm tired or alone weak for a moment and suddenly I'm lost

Another study in clouds. I'm obsessed so I can't help it!

I had memories but they were a betrayal left without comprehension and lost in an a quagmire like abyss

echoes of thoughts consume like a curse my mind has been caught I fear that which would subsume the desolation of my empty heart

pieces of me are scattered in the ashes of who I was the resemblance may be uncanny but they're not enough

interlaced with my identity this anxiety weaves its web through me I am lost in the tangles

my world has not ended and the inexorable march of time continues and continues regardless of whether I want it to unknowingly, almost seemingly and I recognize this infinitesimal existence clings on

when you left it was not yet spring and now summer's lush world surrounds me yet this abyss threatens to overwhelm me consuming my thoughts, hopes, and dreams starting from the edges of my identity until the corruption comes from within

I thought of words I should have said and I regret never talking more for had we had more time and thoughts I hope I wouldn't feel just as lost

I forgot how to live it was all a bit much so I stopped and let myself be swallowed by the misery I held back trapping me in a place where I could never escape

a withered husk of who I was holding on, but only just I imagine that things could change but I wouldn't know where to begin anyway

South Carolina, USA

Thank you for those that take the time to read this. It is still so raw that I struggle to say anything about my dad without sobbing because it makes me acknowledge that this is my reality now.