embarrassment station

literally almost forgot to post this to tungl and tweeter 

the new thor ragnarok film awakened something in me that’s been lying dormant since 2012 (it was good/10, go see it)

Bucky in canon: [gazing at Sam having come to respect him tremendously after a fraught beginning; enjoying a snarky and supportive friendship; stanning him as the next Captain America]

he looks small, and lonely, and fragile

and jefferson, who has a son around spiderman’s age, can’t ignore the impulse to make sure he’s okay

so he finds his way to spiderman’s perch and settles down next to him

they sit in silence for a long time, spiderman staring up at the moon in thoughtful silence

it’s almost five minutes before he finally speaks

“i was there, you know”

jefferson doesn’t understand

spiderman hugs his leg to his chest, resting his cheek on his knee as he turns his face to the officer sitting at his side

“when peter died,” he says by way of explanation, and his voice is wavering with the threat of tears. “i’d only had my powers for a day, and i was so scared. i had no idea what was happening to me. but then he showed up.”

jefferson is baffled, his whole world turned on its axis. somehow, he’d never thought about who spiderman had been before he was spiderman. there was a part of him that had just kind of assumed he’d been different from birth. a part of him had bought into the lie that spiderman was indestructible, that he had always known what he was doing and who he was.

“he said he’d teach me,” says spiderman, voice bitter with longing. “he promised he’d show me the ropes and be there for me when i needed him. and then he died.”

“i’m sorry you had to experience that,” says jefferson, because he doesn’t know what else to say. and it’s the most natural feeling in the world to reach out to the young hero and wrap him in a hug.

he fits in jefferson’s arms like he’s always belonged there, and in a moment of clarity, jefferson feels everything click into place

“i watched fisk kill him, and i didn’t do anything,” sobs the child in his arms, the child that jefferson would recognize anywhere, in any life. “it’s my fault he died. i killed spiderman”