sweetest pies and dreams

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry

i have that dog in me. you know. the losing one

if you interacted with a tumblr post too late (like, 150+ years after it was posted) your account would be labeled as a [SNOOTH] and everyone would make fun of you and there was no way to get rid of your [SNOOTH] status

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

everyones got that fic they chip away at like michaelangelo sculpting david. and brother? its penis month

asked my friends if they knew what i was referencing and they said no. we all know that post where someone divided how long it took michelangelo to sculpt david by it's size and went "yuuuuup. whole month spent on penis" right. sure, my search history is full variations upon "michelangelo penis month tumblr" to no avail, but we all know it. right.

Hi, that was a MBMBAM bit. But i see you and i hear you and i dont know if someone already said something