Blah.Ramble.Rant.

Hi I’m doing better and I’m actively “””””””dating”””””””” someone and she’s great. Work’s ok. I’m ok.

Just had a good old cathartic cry and was able to talk to my mom. It’s like she knew I was having a bad week. I was feeling really self destructive yesterday and today and almost fell into some old bad habits this morning. But, now I’m going to shower and drive to work to do some stuff on this fine Sunday.

Being alive is stressful my job is stressful but I love it and today I cleaned my apartment even tho I couldn’t get out of bed until noon despite waking up at 6am

Hi everyone I have a car and a license and have had a few good days but today I am very anxious and depressed today because I feel like things are too good and I feel like I was never supposed to live this long and everything is a mistake and I’m going to get fired and everything I’ve worked for will be taken away and as I’m writing this I’m realizing that this probably roots from being evicted and homeless at various points of my life or that my mom got cancer right when I got accepted into my dream university so y’know good things for me are usually a bad sign idk I feel like I’m about to be crushed at any moment and I’m kind of spiraling today and also my best friend and I are drifting apart and I think I may be fine with it except not at all because I love him so dearly but he has not supported me lately when I really needed a friend just to say that they hear me and I am always here for him wholeheartedly at any moment idk idk idk I’m so anxious.

My eating disorder is still acting tf up and I feel Dysphoric as heck but I also made an ok Cupid account so that’s where I am

Today is the 8 year anniversary of when I converted to Christianity for like a week as a last ditch effort to try to not kill myself lol