autism in the key of books

i would like to get railed by darrel curtis end quote.

i dont think im gonna be lovable anymore. that bit just aint for me. im going to isolate myself and become a monster, maybe master the art of making caramel sauce.

finally realizing the reason vacations have always been disappointing to me is because i think i can leave my trauma at home.

what am i supposed to wake up to after a nightmare if im single and my housing doesnt allow pets?

i cant say i had an emotionally stable mom just because i knew how to avoid triggering her.

i dont know how else to describe it besides mourning my childhood. it's something ive only started doing in the past two years, only since coming to grad school, and i dont know how to make it better. i saw a handsome little teenage boy being so silly the other day and all the ladies watched him eat a massive bowl of lucky charms, and i almost cried in public. bc high school me would have loved that. high school me would have had such a huge crush on this boy downing cereal at 9pm. im crushed on a regular basis that i wasnt allowed to fall in love without the majority of my prefrontal cortex. now i have to hyper-intellectualize my feelings for 30 yo men who make catastrophic choices with bigger repercussions bc they are grown ups. bc i never got to listen to my whimsical little heart when i was 16. so shoutout to all the boys and girls i wanted to love when i was only a child but couldn't bc my mom said i wasn't allowed to have crushes bc i was too young to get married. maybe it isn't about the union of marriage--maybe teenage love is about learning union with yourself as you listen to your feelings in full volume.