straight rat surgery

that's a cat ✅️

thought it comes from caves

am i thinking of QUARTZ again

easy mistake

ah, nuts

(coincidentally nuts also comes from caves)

you are thinking of quartz again

I once ate meat from a pig that was only fed wine corks during its life. I became nauseated and tired and fell asleep in my leather armchair. I dreamt of cool breezes over vineyards on the Mediterranean Sea, until I woke up in a cold sweat and a longing for Italy. It’s not right to feed a pig too much of something, it gives them a connection which is best left alone.

you ever drop the ramen in the water and think about how much it would suck to be on it like a little raft. just making conversation

she suck on my little raft till i get wet and untangle myself

does she

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.

Time loops strike again 😔

This post will gradually get less funny until reaching its lowest point in 2043, after which it will gradually become funnier indefinitely

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

oh we missed the ten year anniversary of the worst post i’ve ever made

traffic again?

relatedly: probably no one has made greater contributions to Posting than dr roberta bobby

cat voice Hello i see you are walking somewhere. Is it ok if i place myself directly in front of or between your legs at all times

Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.

Isn’t this sheep in real life?

Children in real life also.

The humble Oxford comma

#you can understand op by using your brain

Oh fuck dude, you smoked that weed? That's the forever weed. The weed that makes you high forever. Hope you're having a good time because it's permanent. Also I hope it's okay, but I just invited 100 people over, and if they find out you're high you're FUCKED.

maybe cain wldnt have killed abel if they had video games to healthily channel the violence between siblings. unfortunately back then the only smash brothers they had was smash brothers head in with a rock

Hello my name is Dr hotdog. And I'm a woman.

A car crash you say? The father died on the scene? This is tragic... and yet, I cannot operate on this boy. You see... I don't want to.

finding somebody who will laugh at your shitty jokes is joy-inducing but finding a motherfucker who can yes-and all the esoteric bullshit you put out is pure cocaine. this must be the shit all those racuous but good-natured scoundrels down at the tavern are on