A young submissive's mind

(if he had cared to pay attention)

A consensual relationship is one in which consent is consistently looked after throughout the entire relationship. It involves constant monitoring and discussion from all parties. It's not something you can agree on at the start, and then use as a shield when things go wrong down the road. You can't say, "Hey Bess, let's have a consensual relationship.", and then consider anything that you decide to do after that as their confirmation that it's consensual.

A consensual BDSM relationship contains safewords. I have a hard time understanding how a seasoned adult, who claims to be engaging in a lifetime interest in BDSM, doesn't give their partner a safeword, unless they don't want their partner to have a way to stop them.

If you are going to play the part of a dominant, you have to be ready to perform the role. That means looking for a partner to have a negative reaction to what you're doing. That entails understanding what "fight, freeze & fawn" means, and being ready to stop activities and scenes when a partner shows those signs. Looking after consent is mission number one. If you can't manage that, you're no dominant. Go enjoy vanilla sex. Leave the kinky sex to the professionals.

Being a Dominant is not about control for control’s sake. It’s about leadership, responsibility, and trust. Whether you're in a 24/7 D/s dynamic or enjoying occasional scenes, here are some foundational traits of a healthy, respectful Dom:

🔹 Consent is Everything A true Dom never assumes control—they’re granted it through informed, enthusiastic consent. No scene or dynamic should ever start without clear communication and agreement.

🔹 Respects Limits and Safe Words Limits exist for a reason. A good Dom knows, respects, and never crosses them. Safe words aren't optional—they’re essential, and they’re honored immediately.

🔹 Leads with Care Dominance is not about being harsh or cold. It’s about guiding, protecting, and nurturing. A Dom should prioritize their submissive’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being at all times.

🔹 Communicates Clearly and Openly Good Doms don’t guess—they ask, listen, and check in. Communication is constant, especially during and after scenes.

🔹 Self-Control and Emotional Maturity Being Dominant means knowing yourself, keeping your ego in check, and handling intense emotions without lashing out or manipulating.