(◕‿◕✿)no pussyfooting zone

so last night i was inspired by personality quizzes like the archetype quiz and wanted to make one for my favorite genre, film noir! if you are interested in taking something like this, you can find it right here. i was able to take it and, without aiming for it, got my desired result (the hard-boiled detective), but it is my first quiz so i apologize if the results are a little shaky!

for anyone wondering, the archetypes i chose are these:

the femme fatale: mysterious, self-destructive, charming, subversive

the hard-boiled detective: cynical, moralistic, brave, attentive

the well-intentioned officer: earnest, dedicated, welcoming, enthusiastic

the struggling artist: resilient, easily frustrated, daring, keen

the good woman: conventional, nurturing, nonthreatening, realistic, loyal

the diabolical mastermind: scheming, self-serving, charismatic, cerebral

anally fist a pig to death

break the laws of time and physics for fun and profit

punch a giant horse in the dick

wolf down an inter-dimensional alien being’s umbilical cord to quite literally fight the moon

fight a cult leader who wears a bird cage on his head and can’t be bothered to tie his shoes

have your head explode from literal singing brains

have your ass handed to you by the elderly on a regular basis

use a music box to set a wolfman on fire

fight an oversized blanket and question why it’s called a wetnurse

develop a Pavlovian response to bell ringing that automatically induces blind panic and rage

get murdered by a screaming angry baby

reenact the entire village section of resident evil 4 only now it’s actually menacing

kill an old man so he can help you later

literally have your only friend be a ball jointed doll

get invaded by Beyonce

fight a giant dog that is on fire

fight a giant dog that shoots electricity

every single tiny car you’re behind really hates you

it doesn’t matter if you don’t have your high beams on

Finds true love: Aries, Taurus, Capricorn, Leo

Strikes it rich: Libra, Sagittarius, Cancer, Scorpio

Will suffer but prevail: Aquarius, Virgo, Gemini

im gonna fucking murder the bitch that gave me these issues: SCORPIO, Aquarius, Aries, Leo

uh.. well i guess i should ask someone to deal with them for me: Taurus, cancer, VIRGO

im too cute to have issues lmao: LIBRA, Capricorn, Sagittarius