Smritzzz

One of the hardest parts of writing gay anything is that they (often) use the same pronouns. Balancing names and pronouns so that I'm not overusing either of them is maybe THE hardest part of writing for me, because if you use 'he' too many times in a row you'll lose track of who's doing what, but too many names is repetitive and awkward to read!

#here comes the third guy with a steel chair-

This one really does just gain momentum with every new word, huh?

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

i hate how much a third monitor would improve my general workflow bc even two monitors is too much i wish i could be happy with one lmao

In your attempt to make the internet a more "friendly" place you made it more sterile and boring than ever

Oh wait this is the wrong post lol

i was like god damn what did i do

you need to live to be a weird funny old person whos weirdness was not broken by a rigidly formal world and to do that you must be a weird you now and not be broken despite it all

I originally thought those were supposed to be mushrooms, implying that this cat is moldy

i'm happy y'all made fan art of my cat. i tried to show her and she just rubbed her face on my phone

Pet your cat OP, 50% shot it helps.

the first time I reblogged this, like a few weeks ago, it had like 4,000 notes. why do people keep insisting tumblr is dead

i had a DREAM about the green cat last night. not sure what she was up to but. nice to meet her :)

GREEN CAT IS BACK ON MY DAAAAAASH

We Love Green Cat

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

That’s not quite true. The reporter behind the story, Daphne Caruana Galizia, was murdered.

Live Cage Reaction

This was tagged #homework and posted in December 2011.