Three Possums Trapped in a Polyester Sweater

American Cheese is a processed cheese made of Cheddar, Colby, or similar, combined with Sodium citrate. The Sodium citrate keeps the cheese fats from separating during the pasteurization process.

The patent for processing American Cheese was granted in 1916 to James L. Kraft, a Canadian of German descent who had immigrated to the US in 1904. Pasteurizing the cheese prevents it from spoiling, allowing it to be shipped farther and stored longer. It was actually WW1 that gave Kraft (and his company) their big break, as the US government provided cheese (in tins) to the armed forces abroad.

So no, Project Paperclip here, although the US Armed Forces and Germans were involved. His ancestors left Germany for Mennonite reasons, not because they were Nazis.

And then I went to the USAmerican Midwest

Rains frequently, but the worst is like standing under a bathroom shower. Genuinely inhospitable rainstorms are uncommon.

Along the coast, it's pretty easy in most areas to walk to at least one store, or else there's usually a bus or shuttle available. There are sidewalks and bike lanes everywhere.

It's a temperate boreal rainforest, so while there are many freshwater lakes and rivers, they're usually pretty cold. The biggest danger is typically getting caught in a strong current, and the most dangerous animals in swimming distance are on land.

Earthquakes happen almost every day, but the vast majority go unnoticed. Buildings are designed to withstand bigger seismic activity, so unless it's a 5 or higher it just kind of feels like having low blood sugar for a second. There are no tornados

Rural Illinois, USA:

One minute it's sunny, then ten minutes later that distant smudge on the horizon has swallowed the entire sky in black clouds and the water is coming down like waterfall and you literally CANNOT SEE. Then there's a crash like cymbals and you need to get indoors because the thunder and lightening are on TOP of you

No sidewalks until you are in the smack dab center of town, which is a three hour walk or twenty minute drive from wherever you are.

There aren't many natural bodies of water other than small ponds and creeks, and because the environment is so much warmer, those are filled with snapping turtles that can grow bigger than a nine year old child and water snakes that are incredibly venomous. These are paired with leeches and mosquitos for that sweet umami flavor.