stay silly

I should be allowed into every museum’s archives actually

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

he should be twitching under my scalpels careful gleam #true

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

please let It happen at the knicks game

i just realized i like when im happy

everytime u go outside ur spending $60 automatically its crazy $60 is the new $20

european men Live to cough on airplanes. it’s their ecological niche

Someone needs to hire a better Etsy witch

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

penis isn't real. pussy isn't even real. the only thing that is real, is the pleasure of combat