Asking Each Cosmere Shard to Help You Open a Jar of Pickles
You have a jar of pickles (unopened) and access to each of the Shards of Adonalsium. Surely they can help you open this jar, if you only ask!
Devotion: I would love to open this jar for you, sweetie.
Dominion: Sure. I can open this jar for you, weakling.
Dominion: But if I do this for you, then I own you.
You: For...one jar of pickles?
Dominion: Do you want a good hot dog experience or not?!
Pickle jar...could be opened??
Autonomy: You're asking...for my help?
Autonomy: Gross.
Autonomy: Be a gender. Open it for yourself.
You: Be a...gender?
Autonomy: I don't care to get to know you.
Valor: Open a jar?? Ha ha! Easy!
Valor: The last time a jar defeated me, it was made by dragons and sealed in a cave guarded by enormous beasts!
You: Defeated...?
Valor: Here's your pickles!
Cultivation: Of course. Here you go. [Opens jar]
Cultivation: Oh, by the way--
Cultivation: These pickles will now have a faint aftertaste of liquorice.
You: But why
Cultivation: [shrugs]
Endowment: Even better--I'm going to give you big, meaty hands so that you can open your own pickle jars!
You: Big, meaty hands?
Endowment: You are so welcome.
Pickle jar...can be opened?
Virtuosity: Look at the way the light from the kitchen window shines through this jar...
Virtuosity: Endowing even these humble pickles with an ethereal glow...
Virtuosity: Hold on--art moment!
Virtuosity: [grabbing her drawing utensils]
You: P-Pickles...
Reason: Do you have one of those jar gripper pads that makes opening jars easy?
You: No :(
Reason: [handing the jar back] Sounds like a "you" problem then.
Mercy: Do you have one of those jar girpper pads that makes opening jars easy?
You: No :(
Mercy: Well....poor planning, but I guess I can help you anyway.
Honor: I Agree and Promise to open this jar for you!
Honor: [straining]
Honor: [straining]
Honor: [straining]
Honor: Oh no.
Whimsy: Help you? What's the magic word?
You: Please?
Whimsy: What's in the jar?
You: Pickles?
Whimsy: Ah yes, something to whet your...what's the word?
You: Palate?
Whimsy: What color is Santa's suit?
You: Pink?
Whimsy: Don't be silly--it's red!
Whimsy: [jingles sadly away]
You: ...
Odium: Plain bread & butter pickles?
Odium: Really?
Odium: You couldn't spring for something interesting? Some spice? An unuusal vegetable? Something with a little passion?
You: Please, my hot dog is almost done micorwaving
Ambition: Don't shove that easily openable jar at me!
Ambition: Look at the lid! It has grippable ridges!
Ambition: I won't accept anything other than a true challenge.
Invention: You know, all you need to do is pull the side of the lid away from the jar, which breaks the seal and makes the lid very easy to take off.
Invention: Hmm...I bet if I could make a device that would fit between the lid and the jar's lip...
Invention: But how to produce leverage....?
Ivention: [wanders away]
You: M-My hot dog is getting cold...
Preservation: Open it??
Preservation: But it lasts so much longer and stays so much fresher when it's closed!
Preservation (weirdly intense): Can you commit eating all of these pickles over the next 17 days, the time of Peak Pickle Freshness??
Preservation: Can you???
Preservation: Yeah.
Preservation: I didn't think so.
Ruin: Oh sure. I have a trick for jars.
Ruin: You just tap it against the counter, and...
[The pickle jar shatters]
Ruin: Perfect.
Harmony: Wax! Somebody needs help with a jar!!
Pickle jar situation will surely work out now!
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