shoutout to all the regressors of the world who dont babytalk when theyre small , whether its cause they dont talk at all when small or they just prefer to use their daily speaking voice ...
a lot of fics and media tend to have the regressor babytalk and slur their words and such and thats lovely too !!! but i have a special place in my heart for regressors that dont babytalk , as one of them myself ^_^
the same for typing ... dont feel bad if u prefer not to type any different big than small ! i used to feel weird about it for a bit , but ultimately im just not a fan of changing how i text and thats okay !!
and lots of love to the tinies that do babytalk too, of course!!!
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Its okay to be "weird" in your regression, being "weird" is normal, your allowed to be "weird" or "cringy", to be free and expressive without judgement, theres nothing wrong with it, do what makes you happy even if its "weird", dont let others water you down just because they don't get it
Weird isnt real, we're all just creatures living life
Caregivers that are only interested in caring for older kiddos
Some regressors only regress a few years
Older regressors can regress to their 20s/similar "older" ages and are still valid
There are fat age regressors
There are tall age regressors
There are short/petite caregivers
There are POC age regressors
There are POC caregivers
There are disabled age regressors
There are disabled caregivers
You don't need gear to regress and be valid
You don't need to baby talk to be valid
You don't have to act any different to be valid
You don't need trauma to age regress
You don't need to regress often to identify as a regressor (same for caregivers!!)
You can enjoy being both a caregiver and a regressor! Sometimes, you can do it both at once, by being an older sibby!
You don't have to tell anyone about your regression to be valid
You don't have to hide your regression (in a safe situation) and be ashamed of it!
You can regress to different ages
Some regressors are regressed 24/7
Some caregivers want to care for their kiddo 24/7
Some caregivers don't want to or can't care for their little 24/7
What are some reminders that you need or think other people might want to hear? I've been thinking a lot about belonging in a community, and I know that the agere community is really really lovely, but sometimes there are important reminders, yk? I wanna keep this space safe and open for any (nice) people to join because it was this community being safe and open that made me feel loved and accepted when I wasn't by other people. I love this community so so much <3
People who are not afraid to text you 40 times in a row and don’t take it personally if you haven’t replied are literally the most valuable members of our society and should be recognized as such
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I sit and think about how we’re all just walking our individual paths but sometimes our paths align perfectly with someone else’s and you either walk the rest of your lives together or it’s just for a brief moment in time and you carry on. We’re really all just walking each other home. Life is so magical.
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"I'm just a smol bean uwu" No sir, what you are is someone who is so habituated to thinking of yourself as innocent that you will continue to do so even when you're guilty.
I can’t get rid of this melancholic somewhat wrenching feeling.
I’m staring at a particular point, zoning out, feeling numb, disconnected, almost disoriented.
And suddenly, I’m at dinner with family, the room’s filled with laughter, only one seat remaining silent; my senses finally redefined (yet in the eyes of others, I remain unseen).
No one notices my silence, not cause the action itself is unnoticeable, it’s much simpler than that; I’m unnoticeable.
I look down to my hands, fidgeting, biting my inner-lip, but instantaneously readjusting, feeling judged even though no one bats an eye at me.
Every part of my soul is fighting the urge to scream, to feel understood, to be heard for once. I feel like an other species.
God, I hate every movement and sound surrounding me. But with every strength in my body, I tell myself; “You know you have to do this, just act normal.”
Therefore, I grit my teeth, swallowing brusquely. I initiate with a head-turn while observing the conversation, mirroring their gestures. Eventually laughing along, but It’s all an act.
Being perceived and noticed is all I’ve ever longed for, yet paradoxically, it’s all I’ve ever avoided.
Stop convincing yourself you’re wasting your life away. The time you’ve spent resting and healing was and is necessary. You’re not a waste of a person if you find yourself struggling right now. Healing, recovering, sitting with your pain is foundational. It’s not a waste. You are still whole.
It's exhausting pretending I'm a terrible friend instead of being able to say hey, I've got a mental illness that I'm trying my best with but sometimes it gets the better of me. I care. I value you as a friend. But right now I can't see you. Right now I'm "sick." Right now I can't start my car. Something's come up, I'm sorry.
I can't come meet your two beautiful children, now 9 and 7 years old, because the museum where you want to meet is always crowded.
I can't come see you for the first time in a decade because your real friends are too cool for me to even be able to enter the pub where you're hanging out.
I can't let you stay with me while you recover, even though I live just down the street from the hospital where you had your surgery, because I'm afraid you'll resent me for living in a safe, warm home.
I can't come get you in bad weather, even though I have a better vehicle for snow, because I can't handle the thought of having to ask you to stop talking while I concentrate on the road.
I can't come help care for your loved one because your spouse will be there and I don't know them well enough yet (after fifteen years).
I can't take you to your appointment because the parking lot where you need to go is too small and I will look like an idiot who can't even do basic parking.
I can't come visit because you stopped being a safe person after we spent too long apart.
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Mourning the person I was before I lost track of my identity. Mourning all the years that have passed that I can’t remember. Mourning all the people who I’ve pushed away because I was too scared to message.
we need to talk about ostracism, self-isolation and rejection sensitivity
I've been reading about ostracism and was really surprised to find out how impactful it is in people's lives and how little it is talked about.
To keep things short (according to Kipling D. Williams, one of the leading scientists on the subject):
ostracism is the act of being ignored or excluded
it's different from bullying or other more "engaging" abusive behavior in that it's about completely shunning a person, excluding them, not talking to them or engaging them, not arguing, simply treating them like air
when a person is ostracized, the same parts of the brain are activated that activate for physical pain
taking a tylenol actually dampens the pain of ostracism
people feel the pain of ostracism, even if the group ostracizing them is filled with people they don't like
something as simple as the silent treatment or deliberate denial of eye-contact or handshakes can be considered ostracism
four needs are threatened when a person is ostracized: belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence
it activates an ancient fear of being abandoned and left to fend for one's life alone
the ostracized will go through three phases: reflexive (immediate negative affect and pain), reflective (efforts to re-connect with group via social conformity; if this is not possible aggression or self-isolation and development of rejection-sensitivity) and resignation (long term ostracism: feelings of alienation, depression, helplessness and worthlessness)
For me, AvPD began after an ostracism event paired with other bullying I was going through at the time. This was many years ago, however there is a through-line from that event to who I am today. After being ostracized by a group of girls in my new school, I tried my best to negotiate my behavior, clothes, etc... and be re-included. And the moment I thought I had been re-included in their group (they pretended), they pranked me, which nearly led to me drowning during a school trip. From that day on, not deliberately, I slowly began to self-isolate and separate from other kids. I became very sensitive to rejection and just couldn't place why, I definitely hadn't been like that prior. I had been very extroverted by nature, but suddenly would not go anywhere other kids might be (like playgrounds or toy shops etc…)
Even when I did form friendships with people, later on, it was more of a mirroring and masking, never deep friendships and no relationships. I was still negotiating, trying my best to not put myself at risk of ostracism again. Same for education and jobs.
Anyway, after reading about ostracism and just how strong the impact can be, I believe this is why AvPD developed for me. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced similar, I feel like ostracism is something that is easy to overlook. I always thought that the near-drowning is what had been a key event for me. But it was actually the prior ostracism that made the near-drowning so much more potent as an event. The strong desire to be re-included in the group and only to have the rug pulled from under me and literally be left for dead. That lead to me then self-isolating and so on... can anyone relate?
(The book is called "Ostracism, Exclusion and Rejection" by Kipling D. Williams). There is also an article in the Scientific American on the topic: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-pain-of-exclusion/
