vent blog !!

in reality, who’s to stop me from killing myself. no one even cares, no one ever has, and no one ever will

i’m finally okay, but i wanna start cutting again. i miss making myself suffer, i miss starving until my mom would point out that i haven’t eaten, i miss sobbing until my room goes silent

fuck fuck fuck fuck it stings

i want to get so fucking drunk that i cant walk straight and forget all of this even happened

to ight is the jight

why do i like having injuries? whether i do them myself or just happen to get them why do i love it? its not even the pain of getting it i love, its the look and the sting when you walk, and i dont know why. maybe this is why i cant stop cutting

i fucked up again and i didnt even mean to i caused a whole breakdown just from posting something i didnt mean to be upsetting and now hes hurtibg snd i feel like a dick i cant ecen do anything be ause if i reach out itll make kt worse i didnt mean ro i didnt do anything but i fucked everything up again why cant i just be normal i didnt mean to do anything but now i cant fucking fix it i cajt check in hell get mad at me for reaching out again why am i such a fuck up make it stip make it stop please i cant take it anymore

no one cry about this, yojll find a miillion people like me in no time

i know im the problem i know im too much i know i have issues i know i need to quit nic and stop drinking the pain away and stop smoking until i drool everywhere and i know ive never been loved and i never will be i was never worthy i will neevr be worthy whats the point of trying if all i do to make myself feel better is cut myself until i see stars and abuse substances until i cant think striaght how much fucking tylenol do i have to take to dissappear its not working igs not fucking working how much more do i havw to take i dont want to wake up how much more doni need

i like this guy a lot and i rhink he likes me too but what if im too much for him too? if i show him ME he’ll hate me its jusy like everyone else

i need to relapse so fucking bad but it would be proving him right

how do i apologise and fix it when he said hes not going back on this decision what do i do i want to fix it but i cant this hurts

i wish you knew how much youve helped me, and how much ive been able to help myself because of you. we got each other through so much,, i thought we could walk through this too- i just wish i could get another chance, ill show you ive been working hard and i wont depend on you i promise please i just

im sorry i didnt believe your reassurance im sorry i had breakdowns all the time im sorry i was too much for you im sorry i still love you but im working on it i promise i am,, how do i turn back time?