SleepyThoughts⁸¹

a little wondermagic for today c:

Bruce when the JL said he can't adopt Billy. "What is the charge? Adopting a baby? A little helpless baby? This is democracy manifest."

And in the audience bat fam are getting EXTREMELY annoyed at the league for stopping the race at the worst times for B.S. reasons and it turns out that they are investigating the wrong racer the whole time and Bruce got the crowd to boo out the league so they can watch the racers FINISH the race before the league stopped the race a couple dozen times

P.s I don’t know anything about cars racing so sorry if I got things wrong

a leaked series of press shots shows a photo of the two recreating the spiderman pointing meme in the middle of the street and then a photo of Jason booking it while Dick gives chase, and the footage of Jason winning the gold will forever be immortalised in Gotham meme culture simply because Dick is seen in the background of the entire livestream, standing in the front of the viewing area with his arms crossed and fucking glaring into the side of Jason's skull without blinking or looking away for a second.

*foil cracking, chewing noises*

Jason: -no, because B didn't take me in specifically because he wanted me to be Robin. that came after. pass me the sauce, Day. thanks.

Tim: i thought you met him when he was Batman though?

Jason: yeah i met him when he was Batman, but he didn't take me home because he wanted a new Robin, he took me in because i was homeless, i stole his tires, called him a fucktart to his face, and then kneecapped him with a tire-iron.

Dick, observationally: i'm pretty sure he took you in as some sort of version of self harm.

Tim: *snort*

Jason, muffled: mm- 'okes on him though, cause i turned out to be a complete introvert.

Dick: yeah i don't think he expected the violent street kid to love homework so much.

Damian: so how did the transition to being Robin happen? he allowed Grayson to join him to get closure after his parents' death, correct? what led him to allow you to take up the mantle?

*slurping through a straw*

Jason: well, i think his intentions were good when he first decided to take me in, because i asked if i'd be the next Robin and he told me i wasn't being adopted just so he could have a partner, and Robin was out of the question. i was just happy to live in a mansion, so i let it be.

Dick: you let it be? he told me you basically forced him to let you have the mask.

Jason: *laughs* well he would, wouldn't he? he's too embarrassed about how petty he was being.

Tim: what was petty about it?

Jason: *snort* ok, but Dick you can't be an ass about it- it was like a decade ago.

Dick, with anticipatory annoyance: why-? *pause* oh shut up.

Jason: um, *slight snicker* yeah, so, admittedly he did just give me the mantle to slightly piss you off a bit,

Dick, instantly: I FUCKING KNEW IT- OH MY GOD.

*smacking sound, harsh footsteps*

Damian: oh, now he's pacing.

Dick: ALL THESE FUCKIN' YEARS OF 'IT WASN'T PERSONAL, DICK, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH UPSETTING YOU, DICK, IT WAS JASON THAT WANTED IT, DICK-'

Jason: *wheezing* ok- OK but in his defence, i did also want it a lot-!

Dick: YOU SAID YOU'D LET IT GO!

Jason: w- yeah, i did, and then i met you.

*silence*

Dick, abruptly quiet: i was not that bad.

Jason, indignant: YOU- YOU-

Tim, absently: it's like dinner and a show,

Damian: i know right?

Jason: -YOU MET ME FOR THE FIRST TIME, LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN LIKE I WAS ONE OF THE FUCKING PEDOPHILES ON TO CATCH A PREDATOR,

Dick: I WAS NOT- *breaks into a wheeze*

Jason: -PROCEEDED TO TELL BRUCE WITHOUT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING ME, 'at least when you took me in the people of Gotham could understand it, i was adorable; what the fuck is this thing?'

Dick: *silent wheezing*

Tim: fuck off, were you actually that mean?

Dick: *gasping* i-

Jason: YES HE WAS. anybody in my position would have met that little prick and instantly decided to steal his old job, i refuse to take criticism on the matter!

Damian: and Father went along with that?

Jason: mm- not at first. but then he and B got into an argument where Dick stole Bruce's work laptop because 'he wasn't using it, so it was up for grabs' and i think B just wanted to get back at him by stealing something of his instead.

Dick: -completely unproportionate response, by the way.

Jason: no, but neither was seeing Bruce's calvin klein underwear modelling campaign and instantly creating the Discowing suit to 'show him what it felt like when your family member acts like an attention seeking whore', so you're both as bad as each other.

Tim: *aghast* IS THAT ACTUALLY WHY YOU DID THAT?!?

Dick: i- *breaks into wheezes again*

Damian: you know, considering everybody claims being Robin is so 'magical', the story of its origins and pathway through life sure is covered in a lot of spiteful bullshit.

*comm line pings*

Dick: Alrighty, Alfred is waiting for us back at the Cave. We’re still on for that sleep-

Damian: Ok but I do think that I am a much better fighter than you?

Dick: *pausing*

Dick: Lord-Why are they bickering?

Tim: Because Jason got pistol whipped by a thug and Damian nearly slipped off a rooftop so now they’re debating who’s more skilled.

Jason: Fighting has fucking nothing to do with the situation, Damian! It’s about the most experience.

Damian: *hissing* Can you not scream my secret identity? Everyone within a mile radius can hear you.

Damian: You’re just mad because you were apprehended for being the criminal that you are.

Tim: Back up. When the fuck were you arrested?

Jason: *fake sniffling* It’s actually really insensitive for you *sniffle* to bring up because you know how hard my childhood was and-

Damian: When hasn't he been arrested?

Dick: You were there, Tim.

Tim: I was?

Dick: Remember when Jason and I were suppose to hangout a couple months back and he never showed? So I go to the Batcave and you’re like typing away on the BatComputer and I ask you where he’s at and you go ‘ I dunno. Busy.’ I forced you to track him down and he’s at the fucking WatchTower, all you said was ‘ He’s either at the J.L Headquarters or does that look like the moon to you?

Jason: *loud cackling* The moon!

Tim: I was sleep deprived. My bad that I didn’t have it in me to track down a grown-man.

Damian: *humming contently* Father was so angry when he learned that the Justice League arrested his son.

Tim: Why didn't you just fight back or run?

Jason: Run? From the Justice League? You're insane. I have a gun.

Dick: Your fault, by the way. Bruce wanted to take you off The Most Wanted List and you said no.

Jason: All I said was ' Crazy that I'm ranked higher on the list than the fucking Joker.' He's the one that got mad and walked away from the computer.

Tim: *cackling* Oh yeah. He *wheezes* told me about this later. You didn’t fucking call him.

Damian: I wouldn’t have either. Then again-My fighting abilities wouldn’t have allowed me to be captured like a princess.

Jason: I’ll drown you in the harbor, you fucking gremlin.

Dick: Actually-Yeah. Why didn’t you call B?

Jason: It’s a pride thing. You wouldn’t understand.

Tim: what the fuck is wrong with you.

Dick: No. He’s cooking actually.

Jason: The way I see it, I was fucked. I either called him and explained to the J.L about my daddy issues and got chewed out by Bruce. Or I let him find out by himself and I still get chewed out but HE has to be the one to explain his weird obsession with adopting kids that look the same.

Dick: *loud interrupting cackle* He does. He really fucking does.

Jason: IF ANYTHING-IF ANYTHING. I’m the victim here.

Damian: *muttering* Is what you said when the cop asked you ‘ Did the bad drug dealer touch you?’

*smack heard over the comm lines*

Damian: OWWWW.

Tim and Dick: *wheezing*

Jason: I didn’t get Mirandized or given my one free phone call. I wasn’t gonna ask for it. But it’s the thought that counts, ya know? The Justice in the Justice League is fake as fuck.

Dick: Bruce showed up to the Watchtower, all “ Why the fuck is my son is the holding cell?” And Green Arrow said “ Didn’t he chop off like 7 heads and put it in a duffel bag? You raised that?”

Jason: Shit. That was once. You make one mistake.

Tim: *wheezing* Green Arrow has a fucking point. Like B’s whole moral code is about never killing and here comes this guy on the The Most Wanted List, with a big red bat on his chest, waving a gun around. Didn’t you swear at Superman-

Damian: *snickering* Good God-What did you say?

Jason: I reminded him of my rights as an American fucking citizen! I said to give me my one free phone call or I’d spike his water with Kryptonite.

Dick and Tim: *wheezing, smacking sounds*

Jason: Anyways, B shows up and goes," You just let them arrest you." Like he's fucking astonished that I willingly went with them-

Damian: I am as well. You didn't even try to fight.

Jason: What is it with you assholes and thinking that fleeing from the Justice League is fucking easy? 99% of them are fucking superpowered and I have a gun.

Dick: *cackling* B got even more irritated that Gotham was just a convention that day for his coworkers apparently.

Tim: *thinking* That's a good point though. Why were they all in Gotham?

Jason: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. LIKE I WAS JUST DOING A SIMPLE DRUG BUST AND THEY SHOW UP LIKE," YOU'RE ON THE MOST WANTED LIST, LET ME KIDNAP YOU AND TAKE YOU TO OUR HEADQUARTERS."

Damian: So this proves my argument. I would win in a fight against you.

Jason: That's what you get out of this? Are we joking?

Damian: I wouldn't have been arrested.

Jason: Cause they wouldn't have seen your short ass.

Dick: *wheezing* Guys-Please. Let’s not argue.

Damian: I’m not having a sleepover with him *boots crunching, slipping noise, and a yelp can be heard*

Jason: *howling with laughter* I TOLD YOU. HE JUST FUCKING TWISTED HIS ANKLE.