Batfamily Comm Lines pt.19
Dick: Alrighty, Alfred is waiting for us back at the Cave. Weâre still on for that sleep-
Damian: Ok but I do think that I am a much better fighter than you?
Dick: Lord-Why are they bickering?
Tim: Because Jason got pistol whipped by a thug and Damian nearly slipped off a rooftop so now theyâre debating whoâs more skilled.
Jason: Fighting has fucking nothing to do with the situation, Damian! Itâs about the most experience.
Damian: *hissing* Can you not scream my secret identity? Everyone within a mile radius can hear you.
Damian: Youâre just mad because you were apprehended for being the criminal that you are.
Tim: Back up. When the fuck were you arrested?
Jason: *fake sniffling* Itâs actually really insensitive for you *sniffle* to bring up because you know how hard my childhood was and-
Damian: When hasn't he been arrested?
Dick: You were there, Tim.
Dick: Remember when Jason and I were suppose to hangout a couple months back and he never showed? So I go to the Batcave and youâre like typing away on the BatComputer and I ask you where heâs at and you go â I dunno. Busy.â I forced you to track him down and heâs at the fucking WatchTower, all you said was â Heâs either at the J.L Headquarters or does that look like the moon to you?
Jason: *loud cackling* The moon!
Tim: I was sleep deprived. My bad that I didnât have it in me to track down a grown-man.
Damian: *humming contently* Father was so angry when he learned that the Justice League arrested his son.
Tim: Why didn't you just fight back or run?
Jason: Run? From the Justice League? You're insane. I have a gun.
Dick: Your fault, by the way. Bruce wanted to take you off The Most Wanted List and you said no.
Jason: All I said was ' Crazy that I'm ranked higher on the list than the fucking Joker.' He's the one that got mad and walked away from the computer.
Tim: *cackling* Oh yeah. He *wheezes* told me about this later. You didnât fucking call him.
Damian: I wouldnât have either. Then again-My fighting abilities wouldnât have allowed me to be captured like a princess.
Jason: Iâll drown you in the harbor, you fucking gremlin.
Dick: Actually-Yeah. Why didnât you call B?
Jason: Itâs a pride thing. You wouldnât understand.
Tim: what the fuck is wrong with you.
Dick: No. Heâs cooking actually.
Jason: The way I see it, I was fucked. I either called him and explained to the J.L about my daddy issues and got chewed out by Bruce. Or I let him find out by himself and I still get chewed out but HE has to be the one to explain his weird obsession with adopting kids that look the same.
Dick: *loud interrupting cackle* He does. He really fucking does.
Jason: IF ANYTHING-IF ANYTHING. Iâm the victim here.
Damian: *muttering* Is what you said when the cop asked you â Did the bad drug dealer touch you?â
*smack heard over the comm lines*
Jason: I didnât get Mirandized or given my one free phone call. I wasnât gonna ask for it. But itâs the thought that counts, ya know? The Justice in the Justice League is fake as fuck.
Dick: Bruce showed up to the Watchtower, all â Why the fuck is my son is the holding cell?â And Green Arrow said â Didnât he chop off like 7 heads and put it in a duffel bag? You raised that?â
Jason: Shit. That was once. You make one mistake.
Tim: *wheezing* Green Arrow has a fucking point. Like Bâs whole moral code is about never killing and here comes this guy on the The Most Wanted List, with a big red bat on his chest, waving a gun around. Didnât you swear at Superman-
Damian: *snickering* Good God-What did you say?
Jason: I reminded him of my rights as an American fucking citizen! I said to give me my one free phone call or Iâd spike his water with Kryptonite.
Dick and Tim: *wheezing, smacking sounds*
Jason: Anyways, B shows up and goes," You just let them arrest you." Like he's fucking astonished that I willingly went with them-
Damian: I am as well. You didn't even try to fight.
Jason: What is it with you assholes and thinking that fleeing from the Justice League is fucking easy? 99% of them are fucking superpowered and I have a gun.
Dick: *cackling* B got even more irritated that Gotham was just a convention that day for his coworkers apparently.
Tim: *thinking* That's a good point though. Why were they all in Gotham?
Jason: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. LIKE I WAS JUST DOING A SIMPLE DRUG BUST AND THEY SHOW UP LIKE," YOU'RE ON THE MOST WANTED LIST, LET ME KIDNAP YOU AND TAKE YOU TO OUR HEADQUARTERS."
Damian: So this proves my argument. I would win in a fight against you.
Jason: That's what you get out of this? Are we joking?
Damian: I wouldn't have been arrested.
Jason: Cause they wouldn't have seen your short ass.
Dick: *wheezing* Guys-Please. Letâs not argue.
Damian: Iâm not having a sleepover with him *boots crunching, slipping noise, and a yelp can be heard*
Jason: *howling with laughter* I TOLD YOU. HE JUST FUCKING TWISTED HIS ANKLE.
Dick and Tim: *erupting in giggles*