the soladar series' only #1 fan

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

it's thousand yard stare summer

Dead wife but it's a flashback to an amazing sandwich you had 3 years ago

Garleans think they're so cool but they've got names like Penis las Vegas

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

Hello my name is Dr hotdog. And I'm a woman.

you guys do realise walking doesn't actually move you anywhere right? it just destroys you entirely and places a perfect copy of you right in front of where you were standing

i have breakfast then lunch then sexual lunch and then dinner

can i come over and crawl on you

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.