Size of a Fist

don’t date someone who doesn’t put the grocery cart back in the cart return

It’s called creating jobs

actually its called ‘not being rude and making someone’s job easier’

*pours box of cornflakes directly onto the floor of Aisle 7* it’s called creating jobs sweetie ;)

i just had the absolute WORST realization

glee would have covered despacito

this is so sad rachel berry sing despacito

We really are fucked I mean ww3 could break out any day and we’d all be like ”this is so sad alexa play despacito”

would you guys like to see the most unique rare and blessed picture i’ve ever taken?

in theory its super bad when straight dudes go “hey ur a lesbian? we both like girls we’re the same!” but in reality this has happened twice and most recently was today when a guy i was training in the frame shop went “oh you’re gay?” “yea” “that’s cool. it’s cool that you told me. we both like girls and star wars so it’s nice that we have a shift together :)” like god damn it brett you’re so respectful and thoughtful with your goddamned words

the posts that are like “straight men can never love a woman like a lesbian” are cool jokes and stuff but u gotta really appreciate dudes who have no idea what its like to be gay but try their best to try and relate. “we both like hot ladies” you know what, ryan? that’s close enough. i appreciate that.

I hope one day I’m easier to love.

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

He touched the bar with his bar

Pffft

Imagine losing because of your dick.

kids, when you’re choosing your college schedule, you’ll hear a voice saying “just take the 8AM class. it won’t be that bad. you’ve done it for this long” that’s the devil talking

the 70s was an incredibly horny decade, largely due to the music of its day. if you’ve ever heard queen abba or electric light orchestra you’ll understand why the youth were balls to the wall and wore hideous clothing not only without shame but with hubris. in this essay i will

wheres tbe rest of the essay op and how do we apply these lessons to the modern day