An ocean and a rock is nothing to me

there is a level of seduction that exists beyond the body. something less tangible, and perhaps more potent. anais nin understood this idea about how desire does not begin with touch but with language, perception, and the sharp electric pull of a mind that challenges and excites you. in her journals, desire is not just a physical hunger but a hunger of the intellect, an unraveling of thought before an unraveling of the body. to be drawn into someone’s mind, to feel their thoughts press against your own, can be more intoxicating than any physical closeness.

“I didn’t expect” – she paused – “for it to be part of everything, every minute. I didn’t know that you could lose someone, and that meant you lost so much else.”

I sit in the waiting room, while my shame puddles beneath me. A constant drip since I was a kid. I tried to burn it down and my god, I burnt everything down around me, but my shame still survived. My merciful body afloat in the ocean, where my shame refuses to sink. How do you escape a monster that sings so sweet that you forget and harmonise to their hymns?