Sir Knight Rangrr

Batman is NOT a vampyr nor a Dhampyr. But Nightwing after joining the League keep convincing his teammates otherwise by coming up with reasons that make sense on why they haven’t figured it out,

“But he has a heart beat” Vamps/Dhamps can control whether not it beats and so when he gets enough blood he lets it beat for comfort. Both his and others.

“He doesn’t burn in the sun??” Back in the 1700’s the Vamps and Dhamps got together and decided they’d spread misinformation on themselves so they could live normal lives beyond feeding at night.

“We’ve brought garlic into the watch tower multiple times?” Less like a burning more like that one thing that annoys you enough to stay away he doesn’t care.

“But the Bat has touched holy water??” Not with his barehands.

“Batman has done missions in churches” The spontaneous combustion thing is a hoax it’s more Vamp and Dhamp misinformation but almost all vampire have some sort of guilt of being in holy places while being unholy..and Bruce is the vampires that don’t have the guilt and I don’t care

The League has their suspicions but honestly they’ve been meaning to keep blood stocked 24/7 anyways lol

Disclaimer: Based a lot more on how crime scenes could’ve possibly looked during Batman’s Year One :)) Contents warning: Mentions of excessive vomit, blood, teeth, snapped bones and other bodily fluids/body parts…

This was mostly done because I just wanted to kind of do a thing where yes it’s Batman related but it’s the aftermath and from the perspective of the people he calls to handle the legal process. Aka Gordon and by default that usually means a couple of people from the GCPD and some EMT’s.

The GCPD always finds something at the scene. Gordan gets a location from Batman and they move out and when the arrive it stinks.

Batman bunches them in the stomach so there’s always someone who ends up out of commission and hacking up stomach acid. Chunks of food on the ground and the people who did it next to it still having the evidence of that dribbling from their mouths. It’s disgusting but they’re quickly cuffed and put in a car. They’re never quite done vomiting thought so the police are often getting thrown up on after they pick up the criminal.

Then there’s the teeth and broken noses, some guys teeth is alsnog always knocked out and by default that means a fair amount of blood on the scene. But because of the general area harmed this also means lots broken and often horribly bleeding noses. Blood sticky but starting to dry along their faces as they lay there dazed. Visions blurred and perceptions skewed.

God, the broken bones never stop. Broken is putting us lightly. If there’s ever a much more difficult situation the Bat has to go through Gordon always knows it going to look gruesome, and even harrowing for the department.

Arms having bone sticking out the skin, the clear horror on their faces even while passed out and the fucking smell again. It’s always worse the more intense the situation. The heavy scent of iron only mixed with what everyone knew was just the evidence of the criminal’s being unable to control their bowl movements. Theres vomit of course when is there never not vomit at this rate but there is now broken bones and the heavy stench of urine and sometimes feces.

The GCPD is a lot happier about the way Batman handles things now. Theres a lot less of people shitting themselves from the snapping of their bones or a punch being delivered so hard that they’re body had to make them vomit.

Reallll happy about the Batman doing take downs in a stealthier manner. Of course they still have their crime scenes horror story’s .

Sadomasochist SuperBat.

How do you think they’d feel about denial…

Visualize with me. Pathetic, weak and whimpering Clark clutching onto Bruce’s thighs desperately barely able to form a word. Bruce is telling him to use his words though. Using one of those classic lines.

“I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me, Clark.”

He’s trying and pleading but nothing comes out other than pathetic whimpers sobs. Whatever attempts at trying to get him to give him some sort of pressure or pain in every spot he likes falls teasingly flat as he’s continuously told to use his words.

Bruce is only ever gently pressing the heels of his dress shoes into his thigh as he urges him speak up. Something like:

“I’d love to give you want you want. But you have to tell me what it is.”

LIKE YES?? DO YOU SEE THE VISION??? AM I NOT GENIUS FOR THIS??

Edit: Based on smthn is wrote down as a little drawing prompt

Re-read the title. Lock in. Both are Sadomasochist.

Bruce keeps a small enough piece of Kryptonite on him during sex so that Clark feels it but still has enough strength to squeeze him tight enough it hurts.

Freak4Freak.

Edit: They still have the knowledge that like any good kink practicing relationship they gotta do the thing that keeps them safe so…it’s not all the time thing but it’s still a thing that happens for them…

I keep forgetting a lot of mfs on here are just white people. Only saying this because it really odd that I’m seeing a lot of hate on Tenna and their excuse is “ur just choosing some other skinny white guy” and it makes no sense

especially cus 90% of the time a lot of tumblr sexy men are just white guys and then Tennas most agreed upon design is him being an older greying black man????

Edit: I think it’s just being done on purpose now.

I also just think a lot of you mfs are racist…there’s always a skinny white Guy in the tumblr sexyman poll , like the character who’s interpreted to be a black man is getting hate and being called “some tall skinny white guy” for the poll. Idk but y’all got me fucked up.

idc but to ME it’s odd and weird that the one character interpreted to be a black man is getting so much hate for a **FUN AND SILLY COMPETITION MEANT TO JUST SPOTLIGHT A FAVE CHARACTER**

Trying to out-woke everybody but you just sound plain stupid instead of woke.

I’d like to thank everyone who voted for him because now I get to see him naked on Twitter.

I usually do Batman and most of my Flash knowledge is from the first few season the live action flash series had when I was a kid so I’m so sorry I just wanted to do this one for fun 😭😭

Anyways a fake cryptid flash would be kinda cool. He already has a cryptid name(The Red Blur) and with Gotham always shaving their own cryptid hero it’s not hard for everyone to kind of accept that they have a pretty cool and powerful cryptid themselves.

Flash himself keeps it up because he wants to protect his close friends but he still manages to present himself as funny and active. Y’know that thing from the flash live action series where Reverse Flash or smthn like that had his entire face like blurred? Imagine that with Barry, he practiced it at the realization that he wanted to put in an effort to protect his friends and family.

Then learned he could do it with his voice. Imagine having The Red Blur quip at you and then no regular citizen hears it but all the villains do and genuinely get rage baited.

Barry loves being the red blur and the only way he’d stop is if he really saw it as a necessary step that wouldn’t harm people. Plus it’s fun, you quip at a villain, you also sometimes slow down to comfort them and they accept it and listen despite how scary you are because you were radiating some genuine care and concern.

Flash would make a great friendly neighborhood cryptid :)

Omega Superman that can knot(enigma due his Kryptonian biology) would go great with very scary omega Batman.

Which the translates into my freaky Clark x vanilla-ish Bruce truther posting.

Thats honestly the post man idk I want them to be omega4omega or alpha4alpha

Sorry for the random ABO post but listen for a minute man pls

Ok so boom..what if Omegas in the ABO universe could develop some sort of way to knot their knotless partners? Walk with me for a minute

Imagine an Omega x Omega or Omega x Beta relationships where neither is able to knot. Scenario (A) is the Omega x Omega where one omega over time develops a knot. Not in a sense that they’re an enigma but in a way where the body tends to adapt if it realizes that it isn’t really getting the whole process done. And then because omegaverse tends to reflect the health system and how misogynistic it can be this bodily function isn’t discussed until it does happen.

Then scenario (B) happens if the omega happens to bottom and such where they end up develop some sort of internal barbs over time that they only find out happened through a sexual health check up or after it happens to do the thing it’s suppose to do during sex.

OR this could work with a Alpha that has some sort of sexual dysfunction that prevents them from being able to knot their partners ngl

I think it could be peak for any omega x omega or omega x beta story’s to do some bullshit with their biology without making them enigmas. I also think it would make for another side of social commentary about how in the medical system cis women or afab’s tend to have to learn this information through every other means except for Sex Ed and their Doctor.

Y’know that one post where it’s saying the sub is usually the one suggesting the “you shoot me with a gun” kink? Yeah it’s like this but Clark genuinely forgets that long term exposure to kryptonite causes kryptonite poisoning for him.

Bruce has to be the one to remind him that they can’t always have Kryptonite in the bedroom because it can quickly go from that weak feeling he loves to the weak feeling he loathes. So they do tend to switch it up or for longer periods of time they’ll have sex they go 1 round with the Kryptonite and then get rid of it until they’re finishing(ba dum tss) things off for the night.

Or they don’t use it when both clearly want things to feel a lot more tender and passionate. Sometimes you do need to take a break from being a little freaky to reassure your partner that they never have to do anything over the top to enjoy sex. It’s sweet touches, gentle squeezes, and mostly long moments of skin to skin intimacy where they press against each other and enjoy.

But when they’re back to the Kryptonite it’s a

Clark: “I want to try the edging me with Kryptonite until im almost poisoned kink…maybe..we should consider it at least..please..”

Bruce: “🤨”

Clark: “Please :(“

I also still like the aspect of Bruce being the vanilla one. He’s not too into much or doesn’t think too hard about what he likes sex wise beyond that he wants it obviously consensual and comfortably for both himself and his partner. Learning Clark is a little freaky frog he doesn’t question much he just makes sure that long and short term they’re both sure, comfortable and prepared.

I don’t usually read much smut(anymore) or write smutty headcanons because I’m more nerdy ranting focused but my freaky Clark x vanilla-ish Bruce truth needs to be spread lololol

The title is bait for my freaky Superman propaganda.

With Clark being the freak in the relationship it only makes sense he has a couple of thoughts on the usage of Kryptonite in the bed room and all of them involve a small piece on Bruce.

Did I also mentioned this might be sub top leaning. Just a little. Most bedroom acts involve Clark seeing something, realizing it wouldn’t work and then remembering his boyfriend, husband or whatever not only has enough Kryptonite access to fill a large vault but also something that can actually cut and shape it without breaking it. So, imagine Bruce’s face everytime he comes to him to shy’ll explain this fun thing they could do in the bedroom.

“But that won’t work on you.”

“Not if it’s made out of…Kryptonite.?”

He always just makes the thing for them to use but he’s always a little surprised. He loves doing these things for Clark though and he wouldn’t stop unless Clark came to him and told him to stop.

It’s very sweet even if you think about it because more times than none maybe a ring with this tiny piece of Kryptonite in it while going at it feels a little scary if you didn’t know that Clark was the one suggesting and whimpering over it like a dog. Just about 99% of the time Bruce is going to say YES.

Bonus points if both Metropolis and Gotham reports now do actively begin to gossip with each other because:

“How does some boyscout reporter tame Brucie Wayne??”

“The Bat and Superman are starting to do alottt of calling on each other huh?”

Edit: The attention grabber title also may or may not just be a really funny way to say to say that it is exactly what he’s asking for in this ambiguous scenario lol

Edit 2: Clark is very sweet and shy about it at the end of the day even if he’s basically saying “I need you to put a little Kryptonite in a collar and make me wear it while you ride me.”

SuperBat but Superman is the freaky one.

I want the boyscout to be shy and freaky. Like “oh it would be so hot if we did it in the sky while I was the one holding you.” All shy.

Please guys see the vision of shy and freaky Clark.

Bruce is vanilla. Ish.

Edit: Made another freaky Clark post

De-aging fic but it’s just Bruce and Clark back to the age they were having an Emo/Rock and Punk phases. Seeing your main two “bosses” as teenagers in a phase of life that you can also vividly remember yourself is mental hospital self admission worthy. Like yes both still very good faith and well meaning people but now they’re both likely to run of off and go vandalize Lex corp in a way that would get them both killed.

Vampire Batman but he’s just the same guy. Ain’t shit changed but his schedule being permanently a nighttime activity kind of guy, unless we’re going Vampires burning in the sun is a my they made up to ensure that they’d be able to still live regular lives and work without worry.

“How does he explain not having regular human vitals?” Batman.

Plus the league has dealt with magicians and such a vampire isn’t a big deal the only big deal is they can’t tell because he won’t share anything with him and whatever theories they have they’re trying to respectful about it in some way. That and his explanations make enough actual sense for the League to go “ok but let us know if ANYTHING changes even if you don’t want to” and that’s as good as it gets a majority of the time.

Other than that the stock of blood in the one time they’re allowed in the Batcave is very off putting until they’re telling themselves he’s fighting maniacs that are breaking his back and leaving him to bleed out it makes sense he has blood down here. All the same blood types, not really but he has enough O-, O+ and AB blood types for them to try and leave the thoughts at “it’s great he’s thinking of everyone’s needs even blood type wise.”