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The Arcturus Missions

Part Thirty Four - Compromise

Part Thirty Three

———

Time for humans is different than time for Cybertronian’s, a life time for some had passed since September the 17th, back in 1984. For most of our pilots it had been more than their lifetime to almost exactly it.

That same amount of time was a drop in the bucket for a Cybertronian, fashioned to live for hundreds of thousands of years, generations lasting dozens of human lifetimes.

The difference is staggering when facing it head on, to look upon life that for one has been a lifetime and the other sees the last blink in their life. For humans the cybertronian lifespan is nearly unimaginable, longer than most civilizations that exist on Earth now.

An extension of life, the shifting perspective of man and machine, the will of a soul to last for longer than it’s supposed to is being researched. Earth is desperate for it’s survival, no matter the cost.

–

The medical tent was still in chaos, though a controlled chaos, as those who weren’t nearly as hurt as they seemed were moved out of the space and the two corners were closed off from each other.

Separating those there in service of the prime and the humans, like a physical cultural divide, the gaping chasm between the two groups. Not dissimilar from the one that had stood between the citizens of Cybertron years before.

Breakdown was still holding back Knockout and Flatline, watching as Hound struggled both with his suit and through his cameras, the man looked at the edge of death.

With a careful hand, Knockout rested it on Breakdown’s shoulder, “Breakdown, can you explain why he’d die?” His voice was shockingly soft, even as his grip tightened. Sighing slowly, Breakdown shook his head a bit, “Not in a way that you’d find justifiable.” Knockout’s fingers dug into the shoulder of his suit, he ignored the strain alerts.

”Then your unjustifiable reason will have to do.” After a look that Breakdown didn’t see, Flatline retreated, nodding a bit, he couldn’t help but sigh as Hound got to his knees and disconnected.

The suit went limp and Knockout nearly slammed into Breakdown’s arm again, “Calm, he is merely in recharge now, as you say.” He kept an eye on Hound in his cockpit though, biting at his lip as the man dragged himself to a comfortable position.

Sighing, he turns to look at Knockout, resting his hands on the strange mechs waist instead of shoulders, not wanting to intimidate. Not noticing his infrared as Knockout’s face grew hot, “This is what happens when us pilots over-tax ourselves, our bodies try to kill us.” Shrugging weakly, he glances back at Hound.

To the world around them, he was completely unconscious, but he was barely conscious even in his cockpit.

“Why?” Knockout’s voice betrayed him, breaking part way through the word, he cleared his throat a bit, “Because, it doesn’t know how to save us and it doesn’t realize the actions we take are to save others, not only ourselves.” He shrugged weakly, “Our wants and our instinct to protect ourselves come into conflict. Some by design, others not, it is simply, life. Messy, complicated, painful, short, and beautiful.” Sighing, he lowers his hands and turns back to Hound.

Staring at him, Breakdown rests a hand on the foot of Hound’s suit, “We live and we die for the betterment of our planet, to protect the innocent, and some of us don’t know the limits of what we’re meant to take. People like Hound want to be the sword and the shield, most pilots do.” He chuckles weakly, squeezing the foot of his friend's suit.

It was like for a moment, he could see the hospital room, holding onto the one thing he could reach, still so young and desperate for just another minute.

Blinking back at the memory, Breakdown pulls back, briefly staring at his hand, “We can’t help it, it’s in, how do you say it, our coding?” He looks over his shoulder at Knockout and freezes.

Knockout was standing there, with Megatron behind him, who was staring at Hound with such pain in his eyes it was hard to describe. Straightening, Breakdown clears his throat, “High Protector, sir.” He salutes even as Megatron waves him off, looking at Hound again before leaving just as quickly as he came.

Both men sighed slowly when Megatron was gone, though Knockout started towards Hound. Breakdown pushed him lightly back, “Leave the man to rest Knockout, that’s what he needs right now.” Shuffling footsteps brought his glance up and he bit back a swear, Sunstreaker did look pretty unsettling without a visor.

“What's going on?” Knockout had hold of Sunstreaker before Breakdown could even blink, moving him back over to his own curtained off area, “You’re supposed to stay put,” he looks over his shoulder at Breakdown, “Our conversation is not over.” Nodding a bit, Breakdown pulls the curtain back closed and lowers his suit down to the stool.

He couldn’t help but stare, frowning down at Hound who was disconnected and curling up on his cot. Well, not really curled up but certainly in pain. It was almost hard to watch, he patched into the comm, “I’ve got watch Hound, get the rest that you need.” Hound hardly waved as he pulled his pillow over his head, sighing slowly, Breakdown sat back and adjust his weight.

—

For it being a medical bed, or the closest thing to it, it somehow was more uncomfortable than the ones back home at headquarters.

Sunstreaker shifted uneasily as Knockout was checking over his cameras, the finest tools in hand and moving nearly painfully slowly. It was making his skin crawl. Shifting again got a wack to his shoulder, “Stop moving or I’ll break the glass.” Sunny grimaced, placing his hands on his seat to hold as still as he could.

There was some shuffling behind the curtain again, though this time several footsteps. Knockout shifted back and poked his head through, keeping his voice quiet for only a moment, “What? No, you can’t come in here right now.” There was a light shuffle behind the curtain, whoever was speaking was either being very quiet or speaking over comms.

With a shift of the curtain, Knockout tried to elbow someone out of the way, before Bluestreak pulled back the curtain. Sunstreaker tried hard not to wince, but he closed his eyes, unable to face him with how gruesome he probably looked, “Oh primus,” “And that’s why I said you can’t come in!” There was a crash and Knockout pulled the curtain closed again, sighing, “I’m sorry Sunstreaker, we're almost finished.” Nodding slightly, he opens his eyes and looks up at Knockout, “I’m good doc, all I need is that sheet of glass.” The look Knockout gave him was unpleasant to have to face.

It was pity, worry and pity smashed into one glance that they kept getting from their allies.

Shifting a bit on the seat, Sunny sighs and puts on a pained smile, “Come on doc, let’s get this over with.” With a nod, Knockout goes back to fixing his cameras, making the lightest tweaks he can. Sunny closed his eyes again.

Time seemed to drag on, every adjustment to a camera was almost painfully loud, each quiet swear from Knockout rang in his head. Sunstreaker only looked back to the cameras when it went quiet, Knockout’s back was to him and Ironhide was staring, holding back Bluestreak.

Raising a hand lightly, Sunny offers an awkward wave and Ironhide smiles sadly, “Hey Civi, how are you feeling?” Shrugging, he shakes his head slightly with a smile, “Feeling fine, how’s things going outside?” Ironhide shrugs a bit, leaning against Knockout, “Eh, not great but that’s just cause it’s sand. Clean up is going good.” Nodding some, he shifts on the medical slab with a smile, “I’ll be out to help when Knockout has my glass reinstalled.” Ironhide nodded slowly, “Don’t be afraid to get some rest kid, we’ll be cleaning for a while.” Slowly Knockout shoved them out and pulled the curtain.

“Don’t listen, they never listen.” Knockout shook his head before moving back over, “Now, sit still and you can run off with your partner after.” Sunstreaker had to close his eyes again as Knockout got back to work.

—

Sideswipe did manage to get the most, with two, as everyone else came up empty handed though he wasn’t sure if that was anything to gloat over.

Sitting at the heater, he leaned forward with his eyes closed, breathing slowly.

Chromia was next to him and the others were shifting through patrols, who weren't asleep or recharging as they’d say, were checking the area, “So, you mentioned the need for humans to sleep more?” Suppressing a yawn, Sideswipe nods and tries not to rub his eyes, “Uh, yeah. Our bodies work on a twenty-four hour day, roughly twelve hours awake and twelve asleep.” Chromia stared, “Always?” Nodding, Sideswipe shrugs a bit.

“It’s just life, you know? One day you’re at home watching your planet get torn apart and the next you’re with an entirely different species being torn up by their unearthly stamina. I swear, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who can stay up as long as you guys can without a deadly amount of caffeine.” He shakes his head a bit even as Chromia stared still.

She shifts a bit on her seat, “Get some rest Sideswipe, it’s been a long day. Uh, you’ve probably been up longer than you’re supposed to without that, caffeine.” Sideswipe tried not to laugh but nodded a bit, “Let me know if you hear anything from New Kaon?” She nodded a bit and he shifted back before darkening his visor, moving about to get unplugged.

It had been a long day, a very long day.

—

It took hours to get the glass installed, Sunstreaker had managed to get in a nap which was nice, almost snoring. Knockout had to rap against the glass to get his attention, “Sunstreaker, we’re done. Take a look and let me know if everything is alright.” Sitting back up slowly, Sunny was quick to adjust his settings, bringing the world back into focus. Into a clearer focus than it had been in years.

“Wow Knockout, it’s so clear.” Knockout, hummed and was moving a dish filled with the broken glass to the side, “It’s just standard visor materials, minus the ocular connections.” He was frowning at the dish in his hands, “What was your visor made out of before?” Sunstreaker almost shrugged but stopped to stare at the dish, at the slightly tinted glass and the fractures running through it, “I… Uh, I-I don’t know.” Shoving up, he stands and stretches.

Glancing back at the dish, his throat tightens, “Why do you ask? There something wrong with the glass?” Sighing, Knockout holds it up to get a closer look, “If a visor is made right, even if it were to crack, it shouldn’t shatter the way yours has. The way your companion Breakdown mentioned to the Prime, that this happens frequently.” He needed to get the sample away from Knockout, his gut was twisting up in knots.

He had to think for only a second before pinging Bluestreak, leaning a hit on the slab casually, “Maybe it’s just a thing about our visors from home?” And then Bluestreak did the incredibly stupid, pushing through the curtain and bumping into Knockout, hard, “Hey, Knockout, is Sunny doing okay?” And the small dish fell and smashed on the floor. Scattering the ruminants of his busted visor.

”Bluestreak!” Knockout turned as Blue ducked around him, wrapping his arms around Sunstreaker’s middle with an almost prattled ease, “Is he going to be okay Doc?” Knockout was attempting to look over his back, “If you scratched my paint—“ “I’ll pay to get it fixed! Sunny, you feeling okay?” Sunstreaker was relieved, putting an arm around Bluestreak, “I feel fine Blue, come on, I want to check on Hound.”

With a not-so-subtle tug, they slipped past the preening Knockout, he only sighed when the curtain was tugged back shut, “Fuck.” Shaking his head, Sunstreaker looked at Bluestreak and smiled a bit, “Thank you.” Bluestreak smiled sadly, “Your welcome. Mind telling me why I did that?” Sighing, Sunny peaks past the curtain in on the area where Hound was, who was still asleep.

Shaking his head a bit, he pulls back and leads Bluestreak outside, “He was going to study my old visor, I don’t know if our glass is made differently.” Blue hummed and gently takes Sunny’s hand, leading him towards a heater set up with a few others from their unit, “Come on, you should get some rest and let everyone know you’re not dead.” Sunstreaker couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up.

—

It felt like he was waking up from death, it was the only way of describing it. Groaning painfully, the pillow over his head was just a bit of relief. He felt like death warmed up and all Hound felt like doing was going back to sleep but if his watch was even remotely right he’d slept for a while.

Stretching painfully, he brushes a hand over his implants and sighs slowly, they for the first time in weeks they were dry. Scabbed but dry. Peeling back the gauze and bandage, he drops it to the floor for the moment. Breathing was painful but he couldn’t help but take in a deep breath to let out a sigh of relief. His entire body hurt, every inch of it, but the relief was far more overwhelming a feeling. Though not out of the woods yet, there was something about knowing the hurdle he’d been throwing himself towards was passed him.

There was another long moment before he pushed up from the cot and swung around to put his feet on the floor. The room spun for a moment as he reached down for his water and toiletry kit, sipping water while trying to get out his toothbrush. He was thankful that his cockpit was dark and familiar, able to grab what he needed without specifically seeing it first.

Toothbrush in mouth, Hound finally got up and shuffled towards where he’d left his assistance suit. He didn’t even cringe anymore at swallowing the weird toothpaste substitute Jazz had made, it wasn’t minty but it also made his teeth feel cleaner than the paste pods that had gone up with them on the Odyssey. Tucking the toothbrush back in the toiletry bag, he starts to shuffle on his assistance suit.

It felt lighter than it usually did, clipping everything into place, though his hands were shaking slightly. Even balling his fist didn’t prevent the tremor. Sighing slowly, he moved slowly over to the piloting seat and lowered himself down to it carefully. Picking up his helmet as he started to online the basic parts of his suit, bringing up logs and cameras without connections yet.

The light was painful, blinding even, Hound winced and raised a hand carefully, “God, damnit.” He turned down the brightness and started to adjust the cameras more carefully, frowning at the ceiling view he had, “Ah.” He pulled up a few other camera and finally got a view that would give him a clue of the outside.

Mirage.

Mirage was there.

Why the hell was Mirage there?

The poor mech was sitting on a stool, with his head on the end of the medical slab, clearly asleep.

It reminded him of, oh god.

Clearing his throat painfully, he continues to adjust the camera and Breakdown comes back into the space, moving to sit as well. His visor was darkened slightly, the outward sign that he was tired, probably exhausted. Shifting in his seat, he pings Breakdown.

The spaced was silent for a moment, for longer than a moment, before Breakdown picked up, “I figured you sleep for a while yet.” Hound smiled weakly, shrugging a bit, “I feel fine.” Scoffing, Breakdown shook his head, “You are a terrible liar.” He couldn’t help the pained chuckle, shaking his head too, “I know.” Sitting back a bit, Hound sighed slowly and hung his head.

They sat in silence together, before Hound looked back up, “How long was I out?” Breakdown shrugged a bit, “Just shy of fifteen hours, you had The Crash around eleven yesterday. It’s the middle of the night now.” Nodding slowly, Hound looked at his hands for a while, turning them over and checking over the assistance suit slowly.

“It was worse than I thought it was, I just wanted to get past it, being more susceptible towards it.” His voice was quiet, wiping at his hands weakly, “When it was happening, I was hallucinating that it was the first time I went through the crash.” Breakdown nearly jumped out of his seat, “What?” Hound sighed, “When I was a hunter class, the reason why I became a striker class. I just, forgot.” It was easier to say that he'd forget than admit it hadn’t been there before, “Hound.” He closed his eyes, hanging his head again, “God Breakdown, I forgot. It’s not like any of you changed class, I don’t think you go through it every time you hit that wall in overuse, just, when you’ve been really fucking stupid.” He rubs his face.

Breakdown worried his lip, shaking his head slowly, “We’ll speak to Jazz about this when we get back to Cybertron, but for now, it’ll stay between us.” Nodding, Hound sat back, brushing his hand over his implants, before glancing back towards Mirage, “How are the Cybertronian’s taking it?” Breakdown groaned and shook his head.

Hound winced, “That bad?” Breakdown gave him a look and Hound sighed, “Damn.” Nodding some, Breakdown unplugged as his suit sunk, rubbing at his implants, “They are worried, of course, Prowl has been on comms with the crew's new commanders for hours.” Hound winced again, he wouldn’t wish one of Prowl’s lectures on anyone, “Fantastic.” Sighing, he picks up a water pouch and starts to drink.

“I don’t wish to ask, but I have to know. What did it feel like, Hound?” Breakdown’s voice wavered slightly and Hound shook his head, keeping his gaze down, “No, no I’m not going to tell you. You are one of the least likely of us to go through the crash, ever, so you don’t need that eating your brain.” He sighed and put down his water, shifting in his piloting seat, “I’m gonna eat then let everyone know I’m okay, you get some sleep.” Breakdown started to shake his head but Hound leaned forward, “BD, we can’t all be pulled to the breaking point, get some rest.” They shared a look before Breakdown nodded and disconnected the comm.

Hound sat back and stared at the screens and looked around the cockpit slowly, getting back up to get real food. Not the stuff that would just sustain his life but actual food, sighing as his fingers brushed lightly over the connector cables. A shudder ran up his back briefly, entirely involuntary, sighing he sat down to put together something decent to eat.

He’d have to connect soon regardless, or else fear would root in.

The bowl was at least decent, just a new cube, the food though was still hard to get used to. Poking at it with a fork, Hound sighed, the pink goop was steaming lightly. Not needing much effort to heat other than the quick stir that was instinct now. The crystal like structure would break and heat before turning to a near porridge texture.

It was delicious but just didn’t have an appetizing appearance. Far to pink to let his stomach settle, a denser and warm Pepto-Bismol in his mind. Lacking much smell at all other than hot starch. It made his stomach turn and he had to turn away from it, taking slow, deep breaths.

Not now, not after everything. Sighing, he closed his eyes, he started to eat even as his stomach turned uneasily. Thankfully, it tasted good, and the nausea ebbed.

All the favor was almost simple, salty and soft with just hints of something that was still foreign to him. The closest memory that he had to this would be a slightly over salted parmesan pasta. Like someone had sprinkled salt on the parmesan rind, before adding it. Someone trying to make the last of it stretch for just one more meal.

Only when the cube was empty did Hound open his eyes, staring at the grated floor of his cockpit for a minute or more.

Dread was already starting to fill the gaps that normally held confidence, shaking his head, Hound got up and moved back to his piloting seat. Standing there, he picked up the connector and held it for a moment, taking slow, deep breaths.

“Fuck me, I guess.” And connected.

The wash of his systems didn’t even hurt, just the familiar comfort he’d lived with for the better part of a decade, at least. Sighing slowly, he looked up and the suit responded in par.

Slowly, he sat up and stretched, the cockpit washed away as the unnatural connection took hold, stretching his fingers lightly and tilting his head one way then the next.

Blinking slowly, he took a breath, shifting the weight of the suit finally and dislodged his foot from under Mirage’s hand. Swinging them down to the floor. Mirage shot up quickly, optics onlining in an instant and Hound raised his hands lightly, “Hey, it’s alright.” Mirage’s breath slowed and he stared.

”Hound, are you alright?” Hound smiled a bit and nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.” Sighing, Mirage shifts a bit, stretching his back, “What happened? I was told you were brought in basically unconscious.” With a slow nod, Hound tries not to rub at his neck.

Worrying his lip briefly, he turns to face Mirage, “We’re not made to go for as long as I did, or as hard.” Shrugging weakly, Hound shakes his head again, “I’ve been experiencing overuse for right around the last month or so, maybe longer, but overuse is the first sign of potentially facing the crash.” Mirage nodded slowly, “Which can kill you?” “Which can kill a pilot, yes.”

Hound got up and offered a hand to Mirage, “Come on, I hate being in medical.” Mirage looked at it before taking it, Hound helped him up before heading out, leaving Breakdown to rest.

Mirage followed, watching Hound carefully, “Why are you so calm about this?” Humming, Hound tilted his head slightly, “I love being a pilot, what I do is important.” Mirage frowned, “Not as important as your life.” And Hound tried not to smile even as Mirage’s face heated.

“What life? Honestly, being a pilot is my life. Even back home, if you're a pilot that is your identity, it is more than just what you do, it's a way of life and is the life that you live. More than just being a career military, if you're a pilot then every moment is that. Being a pilot.” Shaking his head a bit, he sighed, “I love what I do, but it’s more than that. It’s who I am now.” Mirage stared, walking with him slowly.

Glancing at him, Hound shook his head again, “You don’t understand it, but I don’t expect you to.” Mirage shook his head, “Hound, you could have died, for what?” Closing his eyes, Hound sighs, “New Kaon.” “For a city and people you don’t know.” Nodding a bit, Hound smiled sadly, “On Earth, I defended countries where I did not even speak the language,” He looked at Mirage.

They stared at each other, “Breakdown and I don’t even share the same first language, he defends a country he was raised to hate, and I might not know New Kaon inside and out but it’s still people that my unit cares for. That’s what’s important.” Mirage took his shoulders, shaking him.

”Hound, your life is worth more than you let it seem! You're important!” Shaking his head, Hound sighs, “Mirage, I know what my life is worth, but I’d die defending you and your kind. You know this.” Shaking his head, Mirage stared at him, “Why?” And the word rang loudly in his mind.

Why, why would he have died for these mecha, for this cause, for this painful life.

Because he loved it and them.

Nudging Mirage’s hands off, Hound shrugs a bit and looks at the horizon, “The joy of being a human is knowing that none of us are the same, we all think and act differently, we’re unique even in our similarities. Some would and do think I’m crazy like you seem to, but pilots, they get me. Because pilots have to be willing to risk everything to save everyone.” He shrugs a bit.

Looking back up at the stars, he sighs slowly, “Dying doesn’t scare me Mirage, regretting not doing what I can does.” He looks to Mirage and smiles, tilting his head slightly, “I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t do everything I could to help, the regret would eat me alive.” Mirage shivers, resting a hand on Hound’s shoulder.

“Why did you push yourself to that crash Hound,” His voice broke and Hound closed his eyes, “Because I hadn’t felt that alive in a very long time and I want to feel that way every minute until I die.” Carefully, he leans his head towards Mirage and they gently lean into each other. His head still angled up to look at the stars.

They were twinkling in the distance, “I was meant to die on this mission, I want to feel alive until the very moment that I’m not anymore.” Mirage’s arm wrapped around his back, and he did the same for Mirage, both staring at the stars, “I don’t want you to die Hound, you’re more than a pilot.” Closing his eyes again, Hound hummed quietly, “You all seem to want to remind of us that, but it’s slightly hypocritical to say that and then have the commanders forget our limits.”

He sighs, “Humans have limits Mirage, you’ve gotten your first proper glimpse at how much more fragile our lives are, you sure you want us out there with you?” Mirage shifts to look at Hound, “We’re keeping you here until you realize how valuable your life is, no matter if you sleep for an entire week or year.”

Hound laughed and shook his head, “It’s freezing, let's find a heater, you can talk about how precious life is there.” So they left the stars as they were, though arms still around each other comfortably.

———

A/N

I’m finally starting to feel better! Yay! Now, this chapter was meant to be a time skip chapter, a recap of what is going on in the time skip.

Clear that’s not this chapter and now next chapter, this arc of the story is finally wrapped up. What is like… a couple week period from around part 13 to now.

I am so excited for this first (second?) time skip, so much is going to start happening.

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