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@sinodepibouin
My side blogs
My Shepard journey My Shepard fanfics
My game screenshots collection
#my ramblings
#my stuffs

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Getting my fics done is my biggest pride.
Seeking stars 1/2
Post ME3.
Tags: SFW; Shepard x Garrus; Post-canon; angst;
Shepard has been in a coma for months now, leaving Garrus alone with his thoughts.
I think what annoys me the most about the whole "how dare you work with Cerberus?" blame all those characters throw at me during ME2 and 3 is that I didn't choose to. The game never gave me the choice to work with Cerberus in a video game that's supposedly based on player choice.
Why are the characters blaming me -the player- for a choice I never made?
I headcanon that Garrus is having a blast watching Shepard shout, lol.
Look how entertained he looks, sitting in the back with his arms crossed over his legs. Heâs so cuteđ

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Why Mass Effect and Xenosaga Feel Surprisingly Alike
It's a theory I've long held, as a big fan of both franchises.
If you're not familiar with Xenosaga, it's a science-fiction trilogy, a very old-school turn-based JRPG that combines combat with characters and mechas.
The game can be difficult to get into, especially if you're not already familiar with this type of game. But the story and lore are truly worth it.
For everyone who viscerally hates the three-color ending of Mass Effect 3 and the Star Child scene, I think it's possible to find a certain form of clarification coming directly from the lore of Xenosaga.
Obviously, the connection is purely theoretical, and there is absolutely nothing official about it. These are two completely separate franchises that have never interacted with each other in any way whatsoever.
This is only a fan theory. So read on if you're interested, and take all of this with a grain of salt.
I know this has been talked about a million times already, but I will literally never get over the leap of faith that Garrus and Shepard had to take with each other in ME2. The depth of trust needed to jump into all that vulnerability without fear of rejection, I'm gonna throw up. When Garrus says his "I just need one thing to go right" and he's laid completely bare before her, stripped of all walls and barriers, and he's fully trusting her to see that side of him, because he's been hurt so much and she's been hurt so much and they've both lost so much but he still believes this is going to finally be that right thing. And replaying the trilogy it's easy to look at this vulnerability and faith and hope(!!!) from him when you know that it will in fact go right for them and that it will be a good thing, but he doesn't know that!!! All he knows is his best friend, and he trusts her so much and cares about her so much that he's willing to be completely vulnerable before her and jesus f christ I will literally never be over shakarian. never
Back to my ranting about ME2
Ranting is great, as long as it's not constant, I guess. I actually think it helps me sort out my thoughts and focus on what I like most. I'd definitely make a post about what I like in ME2 as well, for the sake of balance. Because I don't hate ME2; I just think it's the weakest entry in the trilogy, and it has a TON of issues that nobody really seems to care to address. But I still replayed it a million times (well, because it's part of the trilogy, so yeah... not much choice if you want to get to ME3 lol), and there are still plenty of things I like about it.
I'm replaying the Shadow Broker right now, and it's a perfect example of Shepard being a complete dumbass, whereas in ME1 she was actually cunning and smart.
Despite the constant "Vasir this, Vasir that," which I find so annoying, like... I'm Commander Shepard. Why do I need Vasir to hold my hand like that?
She literally just gave herself away. She's working with the Shadow Broker. She practically admitted it. And Shepard? Doesn't even take note.
If this were the Shepard from ME1, she would have picked up on it immediately, and I would've had a dialogue option to call her out as a traitor. But no. This is ME2, where player agency got thrown straight into the trash. I just have to sit there and play dumb.
And this is a constant problem throughout the game. Shepard lost all her brain cells when she died and came back as a ghost of her former self, so passive and so... slow-minded. She's just so... how do I put it? I never feel like I'm actually in charge anymore.
Whenever she talks to the Illusive Man, he gets all the cool animations and body language. Meanwhile, Shepard just stands there, barely reacting, like some kind of yes-girl.
Where is my option to say no? I'm a Spectre, let me be a Spectre.
Everyone's angry at me for working with Cerberus. And all I can do is either lie about it or complain. It's always something like, "No, I'm not working for them, actually..." or "Yeah, I know I can't trust them, but I have no choice."
Bullshit.
If this were the real Commander Shepard, she'd tell TIM to screw himself, shut down that AI, and head straight back to the Alliance.
And btw, I'm a biotic. But I guess my ME2 Shepard just sucks now.
She's so pathetic. I don't like it.đ
I just want my ME1 Shepard back.đ„ș
from my original post:
đŹ 0  đ 1  â€ïž 1 · I'm rambling · Iâve replayed the Mass Effect trilogy like⊠I donât even know anymore. Iâve got around 3â4k hours on ME1&2,
Promise me
During ME3
Tags: SFW; Shepard x Garrus; angst; serious discussion
Haunted by another nightmare, Shepard finds comfort in the one person who has always been there: Garrus.
Having a favorite comfort game is such a life hack. Every time I feel down, I know I can just go back to it and feel better immediately. Itâs like a friend that never leaves you, no matter what, and is always there for you whenever you need it.
Is my favorite game Garrus?

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saw a post about how Mass Effect gave Shepard the Spectre title in the first game, then killed them off and brought them back in the next, rendering Shepard a literal walking, talking, touchable ghost that haunts their own life
but like. it is crazy that Shepard is specifically a vengeful ghost with unfinished business.
Shepard fended off the first Reaper attack, and is killed before they can stop the actual threat. Then they're brought back to life, with the express purpose of stopping the Reapers, for real this time.
Shepard avenges their own death, finishes their unfinished mission, and then, like all ghosts who resolve their unfinished business, has to go. Maybe they die for real, maybe they only lose their body, but they're not allowed to stay. The purpose of the haunting is over.
like idk how purposeful any of this was, but it is immensely satisfying to me to know that from the moment Shepard wakes up in ME2 they're on borrowed time. Shepard is given enough time to set their untimely death to rights and not a minute more.
The fact that all the prisoners in Purgatory are human will never stop making me laugh every time I replay the game. I wish there were a dialogue option pointing this out to Warden Kuril, whoâs a turian.
Surely thatâs just a coincidence, rightâŠ
And the guards are turians or batarians (okay, there is some human guards too, but still)
Shaking Holding Garrus's hand on Menae is so fucking Victorian, and I love it.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait! What?! Up until this very moment, when I zoomed in and slowed it down, I had no idea that he was actually "holding" her hand.
Shep's hand is open, fingers loose. He rests her palm against his fingers, brings her hand waist level, and moves closer. Then, once his other hand comes over to cup the top of hers, his thumb finally closes over the back of her hand.
I mean, I knew it was a subtle, tentative communication of connection and/or of maintained interest. Testing the waters, so to speak.
I just... huh. Yeah, I'm chill about it. Definitely.
Untitled WIP Iâve been working on off and on to help with writers block for a different fic. I kinda really liked it so here ya go!
Inspiration: mass effect 3 owes me a decent shep/garrus/kaiden love triangle, and I plan to collect.
~~~
âI donât know what youâre in the mood for tonight, Shepard. But Vega insists that we watch something calledâŠHard Death?â Garrus was saying as he entered her cabin. He was reviewing the title of the vid on his omni-tool. âScratch that. Die Hard. He said it was a traditional human holiday vid, so I thoughtâŠShepard?â
He stopped short when he looked up and caught Shepard staring at him, silently, from her couch. Humans werenât exactly the easiest species to read - they were expressive, but often he could never figure out what each of their hundred of expressions meant - but heâd like to think he knew Shepard pretty well. She lookedâŠstricken.
âShepard?â he repeated, fully entering her cabin and approaching her. He went to sit next to her but she held up a hand to stop him. He paused at an awkward angle, halfway between standing leaning down to sit next to her. She stood up, standing in front of him with her hands fidgeting before her. He had never seen her look soâŠnervous.
âShepard,â he repeated, for the third time, his voice soft. Confused. âTalk to me.â
âIâŠI have something to tell you and I donâtâŠwant to.â
Well this was new. Shepard wasnât afraid of anything, least of that being talking.
Thoroughly confused, he asked, âOk?â
Shepard stared up at him and pulled her lower lip into her mouth, biting it. Heâd seen her do that before, in a very different circumstance. Here it was just further proof that she was worrying. Panicking. âYou are starting to freak me out a little bit here, Shepard.â
Shepard released her lip with a POP and raised a hand, running it through her fringe - er, hair. Judging by how it was sticking up she had been doing that for awhile.
âAre you hur-â he started, reaching out a hand to touch her face.
âKaiden came by. A little bit ago.â Garrusâ hand froze. He didnât know why, but the way she had said itâŠmade him feel cold. He waited for her to continue, dropping his hand. Shepardâs green gaze followed itâs movement before she dropped her own hand from her hair. Her eye flicked between his for a moment before she let out a harsh breath, turning away from him to pace.
âHeâŠsaid he wants to try again. After that bullshit he pulled I almost threw him out. ButâŠhe seemedâŠsincere. He kept bringing up Ilium and the SR1 andâŠuggh.â
Garrus remained silent, and frozen, where he had paused near the couch.
âI didnât tell him yes. But I didâŠagree to a date. One date. We never got closure afterâŠI died. Not really. And I wasnât sure if we - you and I I mean - were still, I mean youâve been back no the Normandy for a month and we havenât even talked aboutâŠoh my god, Iâm rambling. I never ramble.â Shepard stopped her pacing, turning to look at Garrus. âIf you tell me not to go I wonât go.â
That pulled him out of stasis. âWhat? Why is that my decision?â
And it was an easy decision.
No.
Donât go on a date with Kaiden spirits fucking forsaken Alenko. He had his shot, and he blew it. It was Garrusâ turn now. But what had he been doing with âhis turnâ? (and how pissed would Shepard be if she could read his thoughts right now). Movie nights, quips across the battle field, platonic if lingering touches as they hung out in the battery. She was right, heâd been back on board the Normandy for a month and he had nothing to show for it. Heâd had a chance - a hundred chances - to bring up how he felt about her but he hadnât. Sheâd always seemed so stressed, so harried. He hadnât wanted to burden her, to pressure her. Heâd let her take the lead on their reconnection. Sheâd been friendly, so heâd been friendly. And every two minutes there was some damn crisis - a dalatrass to bribe, a galaxy-changing medical marvel to facilitate. Heâd wanted to be the calm at the center of her numerous storms. And now it sounded like sheâd been waiting for him to-
âWe were, you know, together recently. So I thought-â
âSeven months ago.â Garrus clarified, unsure why he was bringing up the time frame.
âHuh?â
âWe were together seven months ago. And we thought we were going to die.â What was he talking about? Why was he saying this?
Why did he sound so cold?
His tone tripped Shepard up. She suddenly looked less frantic. She stopped wringing her hands, and was looking at him with an expression he could not even begin to interpret. âYouâre right. We didnât make any promises to each other. You arenâtâŠresponsible for me, nor I you. Iâm sorry. I shouldnât have asked you about this. I guess I justâŠwanted to make sure you and I areâŠgood. If I do this - the date with Kaiden, I mean.â
Garrus needed to swing by the medbay - there was a pain in his gut that had to be from something physical - a bullet wound his medi-gel had somehow missed?
Tell her to not go out with him. Fucking idiot, tell her!
âWe are good Shep. You go on that date - or not! WhateverâŠwhatever you want. We are good.â Shep? Where the hell had that come from. âIf thatâs all, I got to go - guns to calibrate, you know-â Garrus began making his way back through the door. He paused at the doorway just as Shepard called.
âWhat were youâŠsaying about a movie?â
âUh, oh that? Nothing. Iâll tell you later. See you in the morning, Shepard.â And before he could say something embarrassing, or pitiful, he left.
As he made his way to the elevator he stumbled. He felt off-balance - like the artificial gravity had abruptly been turned off. What had just happened? What the hell had just happened? He felt a sick, heavy feeling rolling along his veins, originating from somewhere deep in his gut. As the doors slid open on the crew deck, Garrus had had the chance to examine the sensation coursing through his body, finally setting in his chest like a heavy weight.
Jealousy.
~~~fin, for now~~~
For Garrus Vakarian Lovers/addicts,
Do yall think he ever notices that we take him on every single mission? Even the ones that would benefit greatly from bringing other squadmates? What do you think it would make him feel? Mass Effect 1 Garrus would probably get a massive ego boost. Mass Effect 2 Garrus would be happy to get the stress off even though he feels like he doesn't deserve the attention. Mass Effect 3 Garrus would realize that aside from his god tier shooting, he is literally Shepard's biggest moral support keeping them from falling apart because regardless of whose better for the mission, no one does a better job than him keeping Shepard's sanity in checkđ„čđ©”

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A scenario where Shepard jokes with Vega, saying she's practically Garrus' wife now after she promotes him to her XO during the war, resulting in them unintentionally spending a lot more time together.
The joke goes over Vega's head, and he goes to congratulate Garrus personally. Garrus is confused, and Vega promises to keep the "secret marriage" a secret. Garrus now has to figure out how in the hell he accidentally proposed to and married a human and how is he supposed to tell his dad he missed the unplanned wedding and the ceremonial meeting of his fiancé. He was almost 30, but this was going to get him grounded for at least another 30 years or maybe even life.
Was he supposed to get his new wife a gift? Where they supposed to get matching tattoos like Turians? He could've sworn he read somewhere that humans consummated their vows the same way Turians do. Where did he go wrong dammit!?
He adores the idea of Shepard being his wife and loves knowing that she was so excited that she even told Vega about it. He just now has to figure out how he married her in the first place without her knowing he doesn't know. Because then she'll think he never wanted to marry her, and that is NOT the case. Maybe Tali will know? No way. She'd just call him a bosh'tet. Wrex will also call him a professional idiot. Liara won't judge, but he's sure she still hasn't gotten over her crush on the Commander, and he doesn't want to rub his new marriage in her face. Maybe Joker will tell him if he promises him the new fornax issue.
Garrus has had his fair share of giving his dad a pseudo aneurysm, but this one was going to send him into cardiac arrest for sure when he finds out his son married a woman the family didn't even meet. He needs a drink...after he finishes bribing Edi to scrub away everything she just heard him say out loud.
Garrus doesn't know that Vega is the galaxy's worst secret keeper, telling Shepard he's keeping the secret marriage a secret unwilling to let Shepard convince him that she's actually not married yet. She goes to see Garrus to have a good laugh about Vega's idiocy but walks into Garrus telling Edi he will use Shepard's override if she doesn't get rid of something.
Garrus is absolutely mortified and gives the cheesiest greeting to his "wife." She assumes Vega already brought the joke to Garrus but she's not overlooking him trying to be suspicious with Edi. He recovers, mentioning it was for his sesrch history for a gift he wanted to get her. He did intend to get her a gift so the phrase wasn't a complete lie...
She jokes about it and calls him her husband. Garrus, the realist he is, does not take this as a joke. She leaves him to his vices, and Garrus is now in a full-blown panic. He needs to understand what he did, and he needs to know now.
(If my brain gets any more random ideas, I'll at least finish and provide a resolution to this concept, lol. Feel free to offer your own ending)
I just started replaying ME2 for the millionth time and I'm in the process of recruiting Archangel. I can't help but wonder what Garrus must've felt when he saw Shepard with the mercenaries on the other side of that bridge. At this point he had been holding off mercs for at least a full day. He likely hadn't had much, if any, sleep, was probably close to passing out from exhaustion and stress, and then he sees a woman across the bridge who looks eerily similar to his old commander. I think he has to hit her with the concussive round just to make sure he's not dreaming. It's been two years since he left and she died and he carries guilt for that with him. I think that's part of the reason why his own team being wiped out bothers him so much. He keeps losing the people he cares about, is there something wrong with him? I think Garrus wanted to believe it was Shepard, but he knows she died. He knows it's not Shepard. But because a part of him needs her to be alive, he doesn't shoot at her with anything strong enough to actually hurt. Even if Shepard doesn't start shooting until she's in the building, Garrus still lets her cross the bridge. I think if the Shep look-alike wasn't Shepard, he would've given up. Too many ghosts, yknow? And now it looks like Shep is actually haunting him. The bodies covered in tarps at the bottom floor of his hideout are likely his team. I think having a woman who looks like Shepard appearing and not being her would've been too much. He wouldn't have made it out of that building if it wasn't for her. I don't think he truly believed it was her until she opened the door herself and walked in. He plays it off like he knew the whole time but I really think he thought he was hallucinating. I also think this is why he's so eager to join you and why he defends you to the Virmire survivor on Horizon.
There's no Shepard without Vakarian, but I think the first half of the Archangel recruitment mission is supposed to show there's no Vakarian without Shepard, either.