Rococoa

Every goddam day of my life i have to go through this absolute nightmare of an existence, I can't like how I look unless i sexuelize myself, i constantly feel dirty.

I have nightmares about being raped or being naked in front of others, not because i'm scared of being touched, but because they will see how filthy and impure i am, and i will be a laughing stock in their favor, just like that day

Because no matter what i do or think, I will always be a laughing stock. People either see me as whiny and misandristic, or they claim to understand, but blame me for showing signs ir feeling certain ways

I'm only 16 yet i already feel completely used up and hopeless, i'm so fucking embarrassed and scared all the time I can't even have a normal conversation without feeling intense fear of being annoying or coming off as stupid, nor can I fully enjoy my intressts without feeling awful and judged, because mentally, i'm still 6 years old in a forest, being mocked and laughed at after being forced into doing stuff i clearly didn't want to do

I want to kill him. I hate him with all of my fucking being, he's the reason i hate myself, he's the reason i've become a bad person, he's the reason my family sees me as an annoying taboo he's the reason i have crash outs like this he's the reason i'm never gonna be seen as just myself he's the reason my own parents don't even know how to talk to me he's the reason i grew up lonely and had no freinds he's the reason i couldn't sleep my whole childhood in fear of others judgement he's the reason why my brother can get away with saying literally anything and i'm not even allowed to bring up my childhood memory of him he's the reason ehy i'm completely fucking terrorfied of men and will always be he's the reason i can't just live fucking normally he's the reason i will always be an insecure, crying, hedious mess

I'm truly sorry if anyone actually read this misspelled mass of madness but i actually can't talk to fucking anybody and i'd feel guilty ever mentioning it- i just started crashing out and needed to get some anger out :p (dw i'm properly never gonna post a vent again is just felt bad)

Say hello to Andromeda Percival Rosalind Humphrey Garrison the third

"I look SO weird and out of place"

To

"I'm so fucking stylish, men could NEVER be me"

Edit: this drawing was so buns our art teacher kicked us out of class i'm not even fucking joking