big fan of anything that shuts my brain off for a little while

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

"snakes were cursed to crawl on their bellies and eat dust because of original sin" excuse you snakes get to spend their entire lives rolling around on their bellies and curling up into a GIANT COMFORTABLE BALL, luxuriating in the warm sand, and occasionally unhinging their jaws for the joy of swallowing enormous and delicious meals whole, before going back to sleep in the hot sun, and I am expected to believe this is somehow a curse?

"your days are numbered" yes that is quite literally how the calendar system works

I am trying to be extra Not Patriotic today out of disrespect to the Queen so right now I am attempting an American grilled cheese sandwich instead of a British toastie

If you wanna get REALLY American, you can make a Cheese Frenchee, in which you make a normal cheese sandwich, cut it into 4 triangles, and then batter it, coat it in breadcrumbs, and deep fry it.

i want kids but im scared they’ll blame me if theyre ugly

LMAOOOOOOOOOO EVERYDAY