Spilled Feelings ♎ ♊

How do you know if the person is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life?

“God. I felt terrible. I was always feeling terrible these days. If not from shame then sadness. If not from sadness then grief. Grief is a very different sensation to sadness. Sadness is more of a state. Floating and vague. Attachable and detachable to anything. One can look at a flower and feel sadness envelop them. But grief? That is the loss of something dear to you. Something that can never return. Recently, I feel grief over the loss of a past self. Over the loss of innocence. The knowledge that there can be no going back. I cannot explain it. And shame? Shame is the worst one of all. It is the small voice that follows you around, ridiculing you for trying. It is the small voice that makes you want to give up.”

Please tell me the stars care about me, i feel too alone in this universe

lately i’ve been so lonely and i’m scared that maybe i’ll be alone forever. i used to be okay with the thought of being alone, but as i get older i’m starting to realize i’m not as ok with it as i thought.

“So I said: “please love me,” and what I meant was: please treat me gently. Please love me with a love that can be felt. That can be touched. A love that I can write about gracefully if and when it ends. Which I may look upon with pacific eyes, and say: “that was a good love. It had to end but it was good.””

if ever you were in the vicinity of a loner, you might believe there is tranquillity in solitude, but if ever you were a loner, you know solitude is an escape from the pandemonium in a world that never could hear you screaming.

i admire those who aren’t afraid to admit they’re a little out of their head, this world is maddening after all. we’re each made up of our own little tragedies; the time we wasted, the people we miss, that chance we never took, the goodbye we forgot to say. i think it takes a great deal of madness to say, to hell with it, maybe you have to be a little crazy to survive.

Do storms ever feel lighter?

She will miss you for a while- fill herself with nostalgia and wishing and wanting and hoping until it brims full over. She will walk to the top of a hill on a summer’s day and wish you were there. There will be moments where she can barely contain herself. There will be moments where she will only want your arms, and your laugh and your voice saying it’ll be okay. And in those moments she will feel as though her whole world was breaking apart and nothing would make it alright again. She will look for you in other eyes, green - or other mouths - or other bodies. But they’ll never quite be right. Because they’ll never quite be you. And then one day she will say to herself: “enough is enough”. And at first it’ll just be words. And she’ll still miss you. And she’ll still hurt. But - over time it’ll start to hurt less, until it stops hurting at all. And if, after all of that, you decide to walk back into her life - you ought to know that she won’t let you back in. And if you never come back - you ought to know that she won’t care.