Walking Disaster™

i could jumpstart a car with my breasts

there should be coming of age stories for people turning 30

the sign in button?

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

my roommate and i were trying to identify two birds outside of our window and she's pulling up pictures on her phone and she says "ok so that one's a house sparrow" and shows me a picture i nod my head and then she points to the reddish one next to it outside and says "and that one's a house finch" and she shows me again and i nod and then she switches to a new tab and it's a picture of hugh laurie and she says "and this is house m.d." i'm gonna kill her

we're far too culturally obsessed with men who are mean and rough around the edges but turn out to be big softies underneath it all when, in reality, most men who are like this are simply dicks

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

Traumacore edit of me at my white collar cubicle job with health insurance as though I have a goddamn thing to complain about in this stupid world

American Psycho (2000) dir. Mary Harron