𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚

note : an easy way to find anything that i’ve posted for or about your muse on this blog is to search my tags for your url. if your url has hyphens it’ll be tagged as all one word ( ex: i-love-you is tagged as iloveyou )

“ the whole summer ? ” a big city, loud sirens, mean people, dirty subways. nothing about new york sounded appealing to her and it was practically written all over her face. “ that... ” drawing out the word as she gulped frantic eyes scanning the ground as if there was a treasure map at her feet. “ is a very long time... ” reminding herself that she was supposed to be honest she tacked on, “ what if you get tired of me by the end of it ? ” 

she frowned at his words. it wasn’t like he was the first person to tell her as much. she had a sweet nature that left her tripping over herself to help others, maybe because she always wished someone would have done so for her, maybe because her mother always told her that it was her job to help. either way she had a hard time accepting that she should just stop doing something that’s as integral to her as breathing. “ ice cream ? ” she perked up, “ heck yes i wanna come. are you payin’ ? ‘cause i already spent my money for this week and i can call my mama and ask for more but she’s gonna ask what i spent it on and if i tell her that i was buyin’ gifts for a sad girls she’s not gonna believe me. ”

“ cecilya ! ” faux outrage all over her face at her words, “ that’s so mean.”  a small pout taking it’s place, “ you’re meant to love me and be nice to me. what’s this ? not love i’ll tell you that much. get away from me. ” laughing to herself as her shoulders shrug, “ i guess so huh ? it doesn’t feel like it’s been a long time. sometimes it still feels like just yesterday that we were all meetin’ and having our very first family dinner. ”

wide eyed as she stared at him like he’d just saw straight through her head into her thoughts, “ he does that to other girls too ?! ” she wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse. when it’d happened it felt like the world was going to be ripped right out from under her feet, but at least then, she thought that this was a once in a lifetime thing. it got under her skin to think that she was another girl in his string of women. i knew i should have left that shit head alone. mind drifting to fantasies of going back to italy if only to commit a terrible crime because someone needs to avenge us all ! she’s so entranced in her master plan that for a moment she forgets he’s there until his voice rings in her ears. “ why would you say that ? i would look amazing with blonde hair, maybe not as blonde as hers but still, you’re supposed to tell me that i’m beautiful and you’ll love me no matter what. ” jabbing her elbow into his side with a frown, “ this is no way to treat a lady. if we were back in texas right now all i’d have to do is a shed a tear and you’d be gettin’ a tour of the farm buddy boy. ” it may have been a threat but that didn’t keep her from saying the words with a giant grin. “ my poor liver is just fine, the liver is the only organ that regenerates itself, all i’ve gotta do is give it a day to reset itself and i’m good. ”

“ probably not, ” it was an honest answer. she had a tendency to be up in arms about someone not liking her shoes, let alone one of her best friends saying something that made her stomach drop. “ but i can promise not to punch you. ” a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. she doesn’t come to cassidy for advice, well not real advice, she comes to him to talk. to dump out all of the thoughts and feelings she can’t tell anyone else. he’d always been the one to listen to her. take in her words without a drop of judgement. when it started she didn’t even know his name, she couldn’t have cared less what he thought of her, or anyone else for that matter. the point was to get drunk, blab about her feelings, and go. most times she couldn’t remember exactly what they’d talked about in the first place so it was easy to tell him things she kept buried under the surface. she can’t remember the exact moment that changed, when she stared tucking little strips of his advice in her back pocket, but this wasn’t like usual. fortune cookie advice she could handle. she could break down his cryptic meanings into whatever she wanted them to be. this time, there were no bite sized nuggets of wisdom that you have to squint your eyes at, just truths about herself that she wasn’t aware he knew. “ i don’t know. ” the words leave her mouth before she can even think. an automatic response to feeling any type of emotional pressure. “ well i...i do. i do know. ” picking at her nail polish as she tries to force his words through her mind. “ i think that i...i know how to be alone. i’m really good at it, in fact, ” she laughs a little at how sad it sounded. “ what i don’t know, is how to be whatever it is that people are looking for, i’m not a perfect girlfriend who keeps her emotions under control when things go to shit. i’m not a good housewife who’ll want to stay home and raise the babies. i’m not even a good friend, who is there to listen to people instead of just dumping all my shit on everyone all the time. i... ” trailing off as her brows knit together, “ i don’t want to be alone. ” that much was painfully obvious. she went out of her way to spend every waking moment with someone. attaching herself to anyone, anything, that showed her even a drop of attention. “ i want to be able to just be the old me, that trusts blindly, that gives second chances. it’s just hard to let go of everything else. to believe that anyone would want to actually be with me, you know. the me that’s a total fucking mess, that swears like a sailor, that drinks like a fish and takes a stuffed bear with me to every destination. i don’t know if it’s even fair to want that, to try and force someone to put up with me and all my...meness. ”

true...false ?? tr-false final answer, false.

true

true.

FALSE !

true.

true.

auggie grey 

 “ no dummy, i wouldn’t ask you for math help, no offense. i’m sure you’re great at lots of things. i’m just insanely smart. ” eyes rolling as she pressed start on the machine before pushing herself up onto the folding table. “ well i wanted to know if you like someone. after that whole reese and emerson debacle, wait oh my goodness do you like one of them still ? or are you moving onto someone new ? most importantly if not, can i be your wingwoman and or matchmaker. ”

“ so what do you think i should do ? ” she asked knowing there was a very good chance she’d brush off cecilya’s advice, not because she didn’t think the girl was right ( she had an annoying habit of being so ) , but because she had a hard time accepting that she might be wrong. “ just stop self sabotaging and let him in. ” face scrunching up in complete discomfort at even just saying it.