Oh poopsicles

rah rah rasputin something something sour cream

any noun can become a verb if you don’t care enough

This point is invalid unless you use an example in your sentence

I CAN SENTENCE HOW I WANT THANK

BEAUTIFUL

you see thats why i love english

I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning.

GOOD

My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall

why do these make some semblance of sense 😨

Because brains don’t brain logically

Brains do brain logically! But when english doesn’t logic englishly, brain brains by itself to logic that english !

I hate that this makes sense

coming out as a lesbian & being asked if you’ve ever dated a man is such a catch 22 cause you know if you say yes they’re gonna think you’re open to fucking men but you just “chose” women after having a bad experience with a man or something but if you say no they’re gonna tell you there’s no way you can know for sure if you haven’t tried being with a man. ladies tell me if this is a reach but i almost feel like the core tenet of lesbophobia is that no one sees lesbianism as a real identity & everyone thinks it’s impossible for women to not be attracted to men

It’s the inherent alienation of not being attracted to men under patriarchy which demands we be in economic and social relation to men. It’s not so much I think people actually think it’s unbelievable, as much as they can’t conceptualize a woman living outside of this system

Vapour Rub is just spicy Vaseline

why do so many 40+ yr old men have the audacity to like.. flirt w/ me in all seriousness. i’m half (or less!) your age, bud. do you not have places to be? go call your kids. eat a grapefruit. stock up on viagra. decay. the options that don’t involve me are endless

I like how the only reason Harry is able to fight the imperious curse so easily is because it hits him and he’s like “Ah I feel calm and relaxed and happy…this is wrong.”

harry: serotonin? in this economy?

Men be like

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

When you load up on caffeine to make yourself less sad, but instead you just get Accelerated Depression™

I love how fucking abstract the concept of Accelerated Depression is. Like, it’s vague as fuck, but we all know what tf it feels like

horses have udders so you certainly can

there’s a fine line between drinking a horse and drinking from a horse

if you drink from a lake youre still drinking the lake peace out

this is absolutely terrifying in the contexts of mammals