frappemako:
the-one-inside:
someottersmarryhedgehogs:
noiselesspatientspider:
iheartuniversecookies:
angelas-extrasandstuff:
I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this.
….
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. “Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.” Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. “Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
….
DICK
ANEURYSM
GALLOPING ABS
Who told this lady she could write?
Why did she ever stop?
IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG
I will read this in Kermit the Frog’s voice
“Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it” someone put that on a shirt for me
mii-makes-art
“entered her like she was a lottery”
I. Am. Dying.
I read this whole thing and now you have to read it also.
Oh my god this almost killed me
Writing at its finest..
@readbythestarlight
@halfblood-fiend Did I seriously just read ‘dick Parkinson’s’
GALLOPING ABS IS FOREVER MY FAVORITE THING.
This post fulfills me with fulfillment.
My wet eyes are wet from wet tears! This was painfully hilarious.
spongy love mountains.
@arctic-hands @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @secchiona @smolmoonlesbian
galloping abs what the fuck
someone please draw disembodied abs running with horse legs
@cryoverkiltmilk <3
IT’S BACK OH MY GOD
No eve that’s the front of a torso not the back
Are you ABS-olutely certainabout that
Be careful not to have a dick anuerysm when seeing this people! O.O
OHMYFUCKINGGOD
@kat8noghosts this should be your next Bad Erotica Liveblog :D
That looks like an actual book-book and I don’t have the attention span for full on books of bad erotica.
IT’S BACK
hot pearlescent sperms
who the fuck published this
I want to kill myself now tbh
So there is someone who writes worse than Katarzyna Michalak!
No longer self conscious about my writing. Lmfao
Y’all, we need to write romance novels. Because if this is the bar… we are so high above it it’s not even funny.
I’m dying though seriously WTF??? I no longer feel ANY doubt over my own writing if this shit is PUBLISHED!
WAIT.
ONE MORE THING.
SHE WAS AN EDITOR. OF MULTIPLE PUBLICATIONS.
AN EDITOR WHO LEGIT WROTE THE PHRASE “DICK ATTACK” IN A REAL BOOK.
Somebody murder me.
Oww. Shit. I just want it to go on the record that this sex scene is so bad that it has caused at least one (y'know, in case someone else did it before me) asthma attack. Because that is exactly what just happened. Oww. Fuck. I can’t even stop cough-laughing about it?! Damnit! I’m legitimately going to have to go meditate because of how bad this writing is. Dear bleepness. That is probably the most impressive level of awfulness than any writer can aspire to: an actual health hazard. …galloping abs. Oh my gosh. I can’t. Right. I need to leave now.
…I will never be self conscious of the smut I’ve written again
@jewishmagpie, i has found it
I lost it at dick aneurysm. What in the ever loving fuck is this?
