shinyfire

a moodboard for a fic I wrote, Pour like the Rain

image credits under the break

I really love it as a concept - I love the characters and what they get up to - but I wrote it in a frenzy during the summer of 2020. 76k words in 3 months having never really written anything at all. I was really pleased with it at the time, but essentially it is a heartfelt first draft. Coming back to it six years later, in a bit less of a frenzy is humbling, but I have to admit it's great to return to these characters and really try to do them justice.

I'm about halfway through the first rewrite now, and I've been at it for a couple of months. It's turning out to be longer, more considered regarding the psychology of the characters, less full of plot holes, and therefore the pacing is a bit slower.

Viktor The II.

Prince of Wallachia, Count Dracula.

How many times have I drawn these two snuggling? I have lost count.

Trying to draw Carlotta… it became a thirst post?

June 6, 2026 will mark my 300th and final evening as the host of Saturday Streams. 

It’s been an incredibly difficult decision to make—one I’ve flirted with multiple times over the last few years—but it does, ultimately, feel like the right one. I’ve experienced both an increasing burnout and an increasing need to focus on more local community and relationship building, especially given the current political climate, and I think the Saturday-night crowd deserves someone who's all in.

That someone is Deb (@from-aldebaran), who has enthusiastically attended almost every stream since they became a weekly fixture in March 2020. She has so much respect for Saturday-night traditions, and she’ll also bring new ideas to the table.  We’ve already done a successful trial run, and I'll of course be around to help with the transition as necessary (though I have full confidence she'll handle it just fine!). And I'll still pop in here and there to hang out!

As always, @glassprism continues to make streams possible by regularly sharing her video library, and we wouldn’t be able to do it without her! There are so many individuals I'd love to thank, really, but it would take too long and I'd inevitably forget someone. So just assume that if you're reading this, I'm so grateful for you.

It’s hard for me to talk about, but it's incredibly emotional to step away from a role that has come to feel like it’s intrinsically a part of me (but is also much, much bigger than me). I didn’t expect to host as long as I have, or to have gained so many friendships and meetups and experiences as a result, and I’m forever grateful for those opportunities.

The fact that so many phans have passed through the streams and continue to do so after all this time is a testament to how important these gathering spaces are. I’ve been reading a lot about community building lately, and the most important thing any one person can do is show up. So thank you for showing up, every week, after all of this time, and thanks in advance for continuing to show up just as enthusiastically for Deb.

"Oh my God there's a phandom," I realized, clicking on Saturday Streams. I rushed to my bedroom so no one would see what I was doing and logged on with some Phoebe Bridgers song I liked as a username (Thank goodness "emo" didn't stick as my stream name).

"Hi!" Said Fish, and I was Perceived, and Welcomed, and all of a sudden there was a link in the chat to join a discord (what the hell is discord, I wondered). Suddenly my bedroom at the end of the world wasn't so lonely, and soon we were collecting phantom actors, and inside jokes, and I met a playwright from Portland who loved the Tudors like me, and an artist in Georgia who wasn't afraid to tell it like it was, and one day I got a message from the kindest woman in Minnesota offering to beta read, "it's not bad!!!....but there are some typos, Cara."

Still, after staying up all night reading Out of the Woods and Unsung and holding my breath when Raoul punches Erik after all that time, I couldn't believe I was in the same circle as THEE Fish, the one who welcomed me in and wrote those stories that kept me company during the weirdest time of my life. Since the streams have started, though, the mystique came down because of course it did, and I get to call that talented and kind-hearted woman my friend (and got to meet the guppies!).

Phandom is community, full stop, even when we quibble over Star Princess and debate the best Wishing song, and it wouldn't be that without Fish. She is a leader without ego, someone who quietly puts the work in to include the new person, or comment on your fic, or remind you to log off, Cara, instead of firing off some message. She also literally rehabs baby birds. Snow White behavior.

I just wanted to say something because I don't believe everything happens for a reason but when I look back at the online world I'm in, Fish is an indelible part of it, with her work, yes, but also her kindness, her eye for an excellent "hand," her knowledge base, and her heart, even when things can be polarizing and petty.

Now you guys get (my) Deb, and you're going to learn about a new, tactful, kind person...who isn't afraid to tell someone to turn their phone off in a theater. Seriously, she's a little scary. But I can't wait to see what she does with the streams and I will be there to support 100%.