life is worth living

I've tried to explain to therapists and such that at any given time, I don't want to do anything. I don't have any long term goals, and I don't have the drive to do any of the things normal people tend to centre their lives around (i.e. having a successful career, travelling, starting a family). If I had it my way I would never do anything at all. I wouldn't even exist.

And yet every single time the response I get is "But you're working this job! You're studying this thing! You're doing this hobby!" as if that's some kind of undeniable proof that I actually do have desires and goals. But the real reason is I simply don't have a choice. You can't just not work in the world we live in.

If I were to just not get a job, I would have to deal with not having food or utilities or home, which would force me into more things I don't want to do. And so if I have to have a job, I'll pick whatever I'm best at and is the least mind-numbing. That's not because I'm actually super passionate about that thing, I'm just picking the option that I don't want to do the least.

I don't really feel that strongly about hobbies and such, but unfortunately I am a human being who can't survive off of literally zero stimulation 24/7. I just pick the things that sustain my attention the most, it doesn't mean that I'm passionate about them. Again, I'm just going with whatever I don't want to do the least. And even then I spend most of my free time not engaging with said "hobbies".

By that point they normally just default to "Well, you haven't killed yourself yet, so that must mean something!" but it really, really doesn't. Killing myself is way more effort and discomfort for something that isn't even guaranteed to work.

Except you do see us.

We're on the front page of your favorite porn site. We're the tweaking homeless person you pretend not to look at on the street. We're your favorite political talking point. We're the infant in the emergency room screaming from a pain they can't comprehend. We're the black lines in classified files you make jokes about. We're buried in the backyards of farmhouses that have long since returned to nature. We're the ones who sold you drugs in high school. We're the classmate you bullied for growling and barking like an animal. We're the product of a $200 billion industry. We're the blood on your favorite politician's hands. We're alive and dead and existing as fragmented states in between.

The reason you don't see it reflected in the statistics as much is because it's underreported, not because it doesn't happen. If you look into survivor groups, or ask professionals who treat C/SA survivors, you will find thousands upon thousands of people who were assaulted by women and girls.

This is idea does so much harm to survivors of female-perpetrated C/SA. It prevents them from even realizing they were assaulted in the first place, when it would be seen as "obvious" had the abuser been male. It prevents the police and legal systems from even considering to investigate because they don't even see it as a hypothetical possibility. It prevents people from getting the mental healthcare they need because of how under researched it is.

People are not being "over-dramatic" for calling you out for erasing this issue.

People are not "derailing the conversation" by asking you to at the very least remember the tons of survivors who were abused by women, during discussions of C/SA.

This is especially the case with CSA. It's insane that men who sexually abuse children are seen as irredeemable monsters, but woman who sexually abuse children are seen as more traumatized and more deserving of help than their victims. Even when the woman perpetrator has no C/SA history at all.

Yes, but also

“What is traumatic to a child may not seem traumatic to an adult”