Sherlock Text-Posts

make it clear from the first episode that they are both straight

tell martin freeman to stop licking his lips and checking out ben every five seconds

basically any of martin’s acting choices lbr

and don’t forget ben’s acting

stop having him make that handjob pose in promo shots

burn the unaired pilot, every single second of it is radioactively incriminating

don’t have a beautiful shot of them holding hands while running together, the two of them against the rest of the world

don’t have the groom and best man wear the same suits like with a gay wedding

don’t center the groom and best man in the center of the reception

major sholto ex-commander

the entirety of the best man speech

show the actual straight wedding

show anything at all related to affection between John and Mary

literally everything in the stag night

including filming in a gay nightclub

with topless men surrounding sherlock

while they both drink out of phalic-shaped test tubes

maybe dumping john’s hair in hair product wasn’t the best idea

try not writing mary as a villain who almost murderers the title character

or, ya know, find any of 100+ ways to write her as a complicated but still loving character

basically don’t put sherlock and john in the same shot together. it is a scientific law that once you put those two in the same breathing space they will exude gay vibes

the bi-coloured background lighting behind john was a bit much

rainbows flying around sherlock’s head??

while showing off da vinci’s perfect man with john’s head pasted on

moustache burn

“i like my doctors clean-shaven”

military kink!!

i haven’t even touched TAB

yeah, probably shouldn’t have made TAB

honestly wtf did you expect after 90 minutes of watching a gay coke dream with multiple dick jokes and softé sherlock and smoking hot badass victorian john 

oh god i forgot about the flashlight-in-the-mouth

and entire-box-of-cigarettes-in-mouth

and tyre lever 

i’m not gonna touch The Fall, it was gorgeous writing and also extremely sad and gay

john. just… john in general. 

everything sherlock has ever done.

“i’m there if you want it”

“he’s always like that” “he does all that anyway”

1895

Molly pines for Sherlock. Molly writes about Sherlock on her blog. Jim, who has never been heard of before but supposedly works with Molly, asks her out to drinks on her blog. Jim later is revealed to have been lying about his true identity and turns out to be a main antagonist.

John pines for Sherlock. John writes about Sherlock on his blog. Mary, who has never been heard of before but supposedly works with John, asks him out to drinks on his blog. Mary later is revealed to have been lying about her true identity and-

And then

sherlock doesn’t blink. he reaches out a hand to touch the wayward paw with one fingertip. what’s her name? his voice cracks. 

she’s yours, if you want her, john says. he’s smiling. he’s thinking about when people cry out of happiness. you can decide. 

john, sherlock breathes. can i see her? he holds out his arms, and john settles her, soft and wriggly and trying to sneak kisses, into them. i’m not sure i know how to name a puppy.

Like, Mary stores ALL her spy data on a memory stick.

Sherlock chats with a bunch of women by having six laptops open with different chat windows??

Sherlock thinks a binary code can open all the world’s locks!?!

Harry can’t fit her charger into the hole so she’s a drunk?? We’re ALL HARRY. #justiceforharry

Oh my god it’s so true.

he fuckin has all of the information he needs because he knows exactly how good of a shot she is

he just either drew the wrong damned conclusion or is lying

she didn’t fail to make a kill shot

like. she killed him? he fuckin died and is only alive because of the miracle of gay love

she hit exactly where she was aiming so that he would die but not right away

she needed john to be focused on trying to save sherlock so that he wouldn’t immediately pursue

but she was fuckin worried as hell at the hospital when john said sherlock pulled through

she did not mean for him to survive

she meant for him to die slowly

it was a stone cold strategic decision

she deadass had 0 problems with killing her husband’s best friend to save her own ass

IF ANYONE BELIEVES THAT THE WOMAN WHO DID THIS SUDDENLY MORPHED INTO A SELFLESS MARTYR WHO WOULD THROW HERSELF IN FRONT OF A BULLET FOR SOMEONE

THEN I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT’S BULLSHIT

she had a baby at home only a few months old, but she was supposedly like “well i owe sherlock one, john will be fine with the baby, peace out”

file under: Things I Am 100% Not Buying

Mycroft ships Johnlock.

“Should we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?”

Mrs Hudson DEFINITELY ships Johnlock.

“There’s another bedroom upstairs, if you’ll be needing two bedrooms.”

Angelo ships it insistently.

“I’ll get a candle for the table, it’s more romantic.”

Moriarty ships it resentfully.

“I will burn the heart out of you.”

Irene Adler ships it amusedly.

“Someone loves you. If I had to slap that face, I’d avoid your nose and teeth too.”

Jeanette ships it frustratedly.

“You’re a wonderful boyfriend! And Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man.”

Ella ships it sneakily.

“Everything you wanted to say to him, but never did, say it now.”

John ships it, deep deep down.

“…And no one will ever convince me, that you told me a lie.”

Sherlock ships it desperately.

“You. It’s always you, John Watson. You keep me right.”

In the end, didn’t even Mary ship it?

- in the season 4 teaser that was shown on the Stephen Covert show, John and Lestrade are making a joke that Sherlock explicitly says he doesn’t get. Its extremely common among autistic people to have a very odd sense of humour/not get jokes when they’re obviously being made.

- In The Hounds of Baskerville Lestrade and John have a conversation about it: L: I suppose he likes having all the same faces back together. Appeals to his…his… J: Aspergers?

- People with autism often obsess over things: - Pirates, as a child - Crimes in general, or each separate case, depending on how you look at it - John, to an extent

- A lot of autistic people revert back into childhood obsessions/ways of talking, might be why he calls his mother ‘Mummy’

- He gets very excited about things: - When Lestrade comes with the fifth ‘suicide’ in asip - When Henry Knight comes with his case in thob

- He doesn’t eat a lot, this could be because he’s very specific about what the texture of the food is

- People with autism general have other conditions: - OCD, which Mycroft says Sherlock has in tab, - ADHD, which Sherlock also has (I couldn’t give you the reasons but, seriously) - Depression and anxiety, I think these are self explanatory

- Sherlock’s not very aware of other peoples personal space

- He doesn’t pick up on social queues

- He seems to talk ‘at’ people i stead of having a two-way conversation

- He doesn’t like/reacts negatively to being told what to do

- It’s common to not adapt the tone and content of your speech to different social situations if you’re autistic: - at John and Mary’s wedding he starts the speech very formally and quickly rather than casually, what is usual in that situation - when he’s talking to victims he’s often very unsympathetic

- he stims all the damn time: he’s always flipping whatever object he is holding, his hands and fingers are constantly moving, he paces,  he rocks back and forth in THOB when john won’t let him smoke, he folds all those napkins when he gets nervous about the wedding

-he gets really fixated on things like solving a case or planning johns wedding that he won’t do anything else until it’s done

-he talks really quickly and people can’t always keep up with his train of thought

-sometimes he takes things literally

-he can be blunt about things

-sock index

- good memory for facts and figures as well as things like brands, recognises brands really easily

-he isn’t aware that he is john’s best friend until john tells him explicitly

- likes to be in control

- has difficulty expressing his emotions

- he has executive dysfunction, relies on mrs h and John to remind him to eat etc.

- no interest in smalltalk

- has trouble figuring out how his actions will affect other people/their emotional responses to his actions

-prefers to text than speak on the phone

-relies on John to tell him when people are joking or being sarcastic or when he’s said something inappropriate

- only wears muted colors and patterns, soft, flowy, heavy, non-irritating fabrics, pj shirt inside out so the tag won’t scratch, goes barefoot or wears well-structured shoes

- has a difficult time understanding that people he cares about can’t guess what’s happening in his mind–is genuinely shocked when they haven’t figured out what he’s thinking/feeling/how he feels about them