Shameless DVD Commentary

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

The first chapter was posted on February 27, 2022, and the final chapter was posted on September 21, 2023, so it took about a year and a half to write from start to finish. Chapters: 12 (11 core story chapters + an epilogue) Final word count: 147,939 Comments: 1,303 Kudos: 1,669 Bookmarks: 426 Hits: 61,500

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Someone sent an ask to Bree that was basically like "what if the boys met at a gangbang?" and then it snowballed from there lmao. I came up with the idea for them to be at a sex club and for them to enter into a Dom/sub relationship and everything else!

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

It is written from Ian's POV. I chose him because he's the less experienced of the two of them, and I like the idea of learning through his perspective. I also like the idea of Mickey being this mysterious god-like figure that Ian's trying to figure out throughout the story. When I read, I prefer not to know both sides of the characters' feelings for one another, and prefer to have to figure it out along with our main character, which is why the POV doesn't switch back and forth between Ian and Mickey.

What was your favourite scene to write?

It's a tie between the scene where Ian bottoms and the choking scene. I think the scene when Ian bottoms is really a strong moment of connection between the two. Ian is opening up more and getting out of his comfort zone with someone he feels safe with (and someone he loves), and Mickey is (almost) completely open about how badly he wants Ian. The choking scene is obviously the culmination of their relationship and the basis for them finally getting together. It takes a lot of trust to let someone choke you because your life is literally in their hands, and this is a key moment for the pair. They're meeting outside the club—in Mickey's home, which he never does—and doing something that is dangerous but that they both crave. I think I really pulled off writing the amount of trust and desire that they both felt in this moment.

How did you come up with the title?

I honestly don't remember lmao. I always title my works something simple, and I was trying to come up with an interesting name for the club, and somehow The Menagerie popped into my head. It was originally going to be something like The Midnight Menagerie, but that sounded too cheesy.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

I hoped the readers would notice how often Ian's hands end up near or around Mickey's neck. It's mentioned in every chapter until chapter 11 (titled Choke Me) when the act finally happens. A little bit of non-subtle foreshadowing, but it felt important that the final scene didn't come out of nowhere. They'd both wanted this from the beginning.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

The GANGBANG. Hooo boy. This was a tough scene to write! Up until then, I had only ever written a foursome before, nevermind an elevensome! Though it wasn't that terrible because Mickey only has so many hands and holes (heh) so there wasn't too much going on at any one given moment. And I wanted to make the scene about Ian's reactions to Mickey more than anything, so there's a heavy focus on that, which helped.

Favourite line in the story?

"'Cause now I associate red with you... and I don't ever wanna think of you as a bad thing." I wrote this line back in chapter one, and I'd been dying to get to it ever since! Names and colors are such an important part of this fic from the second chapter on. Mickey keeps his distance and objectifies everyone in the gangbang with a crude nickname, except for Ian, who gets dubbed "Red". As Mickey starts developing feelings for Ian, the nickname becomes a part of him, and eventually Mickey finds it hard to separate his safewords from Ian. Just like in the scene with his former Dom, Mickey simultaneously safewords and calls out to Ian for help by his nickname. And while a safeword isn't inherently a bad thing (they're actually super important!), there can be a connotation of "badness" (in the sense that something is overwhelming or too far outside of your comfort zone) associated with it that Mickey doesn't want associated with Ian. Ian becomes his safe space, and Mickey always wants to feel good when he's around. Runner-up line: "Mickey...," he whispers, mind reeling and body still tingling from his unexpected orgasm. "Fuck, I can't.... I've wanted to do that since I saw you. But not—not now. You can't—you're not in the right state of mind. Do it again when you're back to yourself and I'll kiss you back. I swear I'll kiss you back. Promise." This line is pure Ian. I say as much in the next paragraph, but he's so desperate to let Mickey know that he's not rejecting him because he doesn't want him, he's rejecting him because he doesn't want to take advantage of him. It's kind of a pivotal moment in the fic, because it's the first time we see Mickey lose his carefully-curated control and give in to something he wants deep down. And Ian wants it just as badly, but can't in good conscience take it.

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

Not really. I always had a vague concept of where the story would go, but I'm a huge pantser when it comes to writing, so most of the scenes and kinks I made up on the fly. It is definitely longer than I anticipated, though! I had only intended on making it a one-shot for the Spicy Gallavich Collab and then it spiraled into a 150k fic lol.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

It wasn't my first time writing smut by any means, but it was my first time writing any kind of hardcore BDSM scenes. Most of the scenes came from my own experience or research that I did to make them more accurate. I had written a FWB situation to a romantic relationship once before for a Voltron fic, but it wasn't nearly as long or drawn-out, so this was a first for me in that sense.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

I think I'm most proud of the development of Ian and Mickey's relationship. Despite that they are instantly attracted to one another and work well together from the start, the progression of their relationship from platonic to romantic takes place over the entire course of the fic. I'm also really proud of the accidental first kiss. Many people have pointed out that it was a complete shock, but I had it planned pretty early on. I wanted Mickey to slip up and show his true colors eary in their relationship, and I think I nailed it.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

Nope! Everything that I wrote made it in. There were definitely times when I was scrabbling for material, so some of the chapters and scenes still feel like "filler" to me lmao.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

Hmmm, this one is tough. I could talk about Mickey's motivations for pretty much the entire fic lmao. But one of my evilly favorite parts is when Mickey sleeps with someone else and brings out condoms for Ian to use after the shibari scene. It's only really hinted at that Mickey slept with someone since we only see it from Ian's POV, but he does, in fact, sleep with someone else, a couple days after he kisses Ian. He finds a guy at The Menagerie who looks nothing like Ian and has a fairly vanilla scene with him, but that includes barebacking, hence the need for the condoms the next time with Ian. He'd wanted to distance himself because he could feel himself growing attached to Ian in a way that scared the shit out of him. He'd never felt like this with any of his past Doms, and he'd never had anything besides hookups in the past that didn't last longer than a couple nights. So to suddenly start having feelings for this guy he's only known a couple of weeks is fucking scary. And to let himself get so deep into a scene that he lost himelf and broke one of his cardinal rules (no kissing) and to do so without the other person's consent really sends Mickey spiraling. It obviously was partly to do with Mandy being abused by her boyfriend, but more than that, it was him starting to really like Ian beyond just a sexual partner.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

I would add more scenes with Ian and Mickey outside of The Menagerie or the diner. There are a few, but it takes so long to get to them that I worry people find it repetitive, even if that is kind of the point (people have complained about this in the book).

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

Not for Ao3, but I have vague concepts of writing a book about Jeremiah. He's my favorite side character, and I think his story would be really interesting to tell. I'm thinking it would be his backstory and how he came to find The Menagerie, plus his relationship with Mal and the twins developing. It could even go through the timeline of The Menagerie when he meets Rowan for the first time and helps him navigate his relationship with Mal.

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

There are no references to other fics, but there are a couple of Shameless easter eggs! I don't like relying heavily on canon dialogue or scenes, so I tried to avoid those as much as possible. But Mickey has his iconique "kiss me and I'll cut your tongue out" line during the gangbang, and there are references to "bet you burn like a motherfucker" and a couple other small things like that.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

A little bit! Some people regard it as a fandom classic, which is so humbling. I thought more people would dislike it because of the fact that Ian and Mickey sleep with other people in it—and some people told me they skipped or skimmed the gangbang chapter or the chapter where Mickey has a scene with his former Dom. But then again, other people have told me those are some of their most re-read scenes, so what do I know lmao. I am definitely surprised that it got over 60k hits, though! Most of my fics get in the low ten thousands, so it was very exciting to see that number so high, though I know at least some of that was repeat users reading new chapters (or re-reading old ones).

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Soooo nervous! It was my first attempt at a long, multi-chaptered fic. I'd written many one-shots before, and a shorter multi-chapter fic for another fandom, but this was my first for Shameless and I wasn't sure how it would be received.

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

Nope! I don't use betas, and for this fic I didn't have anything that I thought I needed to have read over by someone else.

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

@palepinkgoat picked the birthday dance club scene! This was a big moment in the fic, because it's the first time that Ian and Mickey see each other outside of the sanctity of The Menagerie or Sheila's diner. It's Mickey realizing that he wants to spend time with Ian outside of their sexual relationship. He wants to invite him out with his friends—his family—and have him be a part of that world. But at the same time, he can't resist his attraction to him, which is brought out on the dance floor. I had been listening obsessively to The Shape of You and could picture them perfectly grinding against one another to the song. Plus I had to give Mickey is golden chain and allude once again to him having a kink for something around/tugging at his neck.

@michellemisfit wanted to know more about the background of the scene where Mickey visits Ian at his work and brings him the rope. This was honestly one of those scenes that feels like filler to me lmao. I wanted Mickey to visit Ian at work so they could have another moment together outside the club/diner, and needing to give him the rope was the flimsy excuse that I came up with. That being said, that's also the flimsy excuse Mickey came up with, because he wanted to see Ian again. He knows he disappointed (and possibly even hurt, though at this point Mickey doesn't really think Ian has true feelings for him) Ian with the condoms incident a couple days before, so this was somewhat of an olive branch for him. And I really wnted them to be able to see each other in the daylight lmao. It's so wild seeing your crush's eyes in the sunlight for the first time, and I wanted that experience for both of them. Plus this was a way of introducing Mickey to Ian's coworker, which made Ian's relationship with Mickey something that someone in his personal life knew about. Someone has finally met him, so now it's real, in a sense.

Michelle also wanted to know more about Mickey's thoughts on their early scenes together. Mickey was definitely taken with Ian from the first time he saw him. There was instant attraction there, yes, but also a curiosity. Ian surprised the hell out of him at the gangbang by taking charge and by paying such close attention to Mickey's likes and undisclosed wants. Out of everyone there, Ian was the only one who really tried to make Mickey feel good rather than just wanting to show off. Then when they scene together for the first time, Mickey definitely recognizes that Ian is something special. He's a little rough around the edges and a little too nice, but Mickey can see the potential there. Mickey is notoriously picky and hard to please, so when this goofy redhead with a big dick comes out of pretty much nowhere and seems to be his perfect match, it's a shock. Mickey has had about 12 different Doms in the past, since he joined the club. After he stopped sceneing with Camilla and admitted he was both gay and a sub/bottom, he had his first Dom. He was fine, but Mickey didn't know too much about what he liked yet. That lasted about a year, then after that the next 10 lasted between a couple months and a year, until Steven, who was about a year and a half. So Mickey's had his fair share of Doms in the past and by the time he meets Ian, firmly knows what he likes and doesn't like. And he thinks that no one can surprise him, but then Ian turns out to be a good fucking match for him and it surprises the hell out of him, especially for someone who purports to have no experience outside of random hookups. Mickey definitely catches feelings for Ian early on in their relationship, which scares and confuses him because by now he's a seasoned pro and shouldn't be falling for some weird redhead.

@iandarling wanted to know about Mickey's POV from the bathroom hookup at Mickey's birthday. This scene got sooo much more attention from readers than I was expecting! And it's all because of the part where Ian asks for Mickey's safewords and Mickey fumbles what he's doing and hesitates. Long story short, yes, Mickey had planned on it being just a regular hookup. He wanted to ask Ian to fuck him (hence the panties and the plug), but felt it would be crossing a line, which we see a little bit in his partially-overheard conversation with Jeremiah ("Just ask [Ian]." / "I'm not asking him"). After all, they'd only ever done pre-planned scenes before at The Menagerie, and this is spontaneous. And Mickey had already sort of crossed a line by inviting Ian out in the first place, so now he has to decide if he wants to take that a step further. But he obviously loses the battle with himself, because let's be honest, by this point in the night he's a little tipsy. Not so much to not consent, but enough to make his worries go away. Plus dancing with Ian on the dance floor made him horny as fuck. So when Ian asks for his words, it completely jars Mickey. He'd been expecting a rough hookup, but to have a reminder of their actual relationship to one another—Dom and sub, and nothing more—put out there so bluntly, he feels deflated. He definitely thought that he and Ian had the potential to be more by this point, and to have that shoved back in his face (in his perspective) feels like a shot to the heart. He'd invited him out! He made the first move to becoming more! But to Mickey, this was confirmation that Ian didn't want more, which fucking hurts.

@abigailspinach wanted to know about the scene in the club where they're playing Never Have I Ever and the twins talk about stripping in college. This whole scene is just having Ian's past brought up in the worst way possible: surrounded by Mickey and all of his friends. I say as much in the story, but Ian isn't a good liar, and doesn't think he could bluff his way through the entire game. So he kind of hopes he goes under the radar, but since the Menagerie staff are observant (and nosy) as hell, they of course notice and bring it up. Same goes for Mickey. He wants to know everything he can about Ian and his past, and the more he learns about him, the more he likes him. Because he's imperfect like him. He's got skeletons in his closet, which Mickey knows about all too well. And when they talk about it later, Mickey questions if it was all true. He's learned enough about him that he believes Ian was being truthful, but it's his way of showing him that it doesn't bother him. That they can still be friends (and maybe more one day) and Ian doesn't have to worry about what Mickey will think of him.

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

Which fanfic is your DVD commentary about?

an ever-evolving observance

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

it's 13k words, canon compliant, and i wrote it in a little over a month and a half i think? it's a one-shot, but it's a series of interconnecting non-chronological vignettes. some of the scenes are more poetry-like and short, so it didn't make sense to split into chapters. plus, i wanted it to be read in one sitting.

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

i knew that i wanted to do an ian character study, and i knew that i wanted it to revolve around religion, love in the form of devotion, and bipolar disorder.

i chose to focus on ian and religion because one, he's somewhat spiritual throughout the entire series (i don't know if i can say confidently that he's devout. i think it's complicated esp given his mania, but he's something. catholicism is also one of those sects where even if you're not a Believer it comes with some deep rituals and cultural connections that never quite leave)

two, i see the gay jesus arc as the culmination of all of his past traumas. injustice, homophobia, predatory people, and service. like the kid he blows up the van for: is he a mentally ill teen who is on drugs and prostituting himself (ian season 4 in a manic state) , or is he a kid whose dad wants him to undergo conversion therapy (mickey season 3)? that's what tips ian finally over the edge after his grief over both monica (the literal and metaphorical root of his bipolar) and mickey finally catches up to him and he goes fully into psychosis.

when i'm looking for inspiration, i always re-ground myself in the world and characterization by re-watching the show and looking into things like set decoration or costume design. basically i just cornplate the shit out of it until it starts to feel like it writes itself... i wrote this out of order, and i started with the scene where fiona visits ian. in 907, she gets her cast put on and it's completely blank. by 908, an ambiguous amount of time's passed-- about a month?-- and her cast is full of signatures. by 910, she gets it off. so, i had been trying to piece together who all signed it and what they wrote. i was watching the deleted scenes for s9, and there's one alternate take of the scene in 908 where she spray-paints the nursing home sign and for a split-second you can see "miss you love you :( ian" on her palm. so that was where it started!

but in terms of connecting it to saint michael, i was midway through writing and, ironically enough, was on a trip to chicago. while in a taxi from the airport i was looking more into catholicism and parables. i was tossing around this idea of mickey as guardian angel/protector and so i was looking into all the saints to see if i could tie each scene to a different one. i looked into michael first bc of the obvious mikhailo/michael connection and once i read a source that named saint michael as the patron saint of grocers as well as the army and first responders, i knew i had it locked... i legit sent texts to my friends like "you will never believe this... either the writers wrote to this on purpose or its a crazy coincidence..." and the rest of it was easy to outline after that.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

it's an ian character study, so i chose to write his third-person limited POV because i needed to reflect his state of mind accurately depending on if he's up, down, or neither.

What was your favourite scene to write?

oh god. ummm. some of them literally just exorcised themselves out of me and some of them took a lot of rewriting and fine tuning. i would say the final scene on the beach or the connection between ian's s5 deleted fantasy and mickey wearing a white suit to their wedding. they were the last two i wrote and they kinda just fell out of me.

How did you come up with the title?

typically i look to song lyrics to help title fics and i usually start with looking at whatever i'm listening to that helps me get in the writing headspace. but for this one, i just chose a line from the actual story that i felt encapsulated it well.

for posterity in case u gaf i was listening to a lot of arcade fire's funeral bc i was also working on this lip/ian joint neighborhoods 2 + 3 edit that i kinda want to remake now. also a lot of IDLES. also the actual soundtrack of the show.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

LIST OF CORNPLATING DETAILS THAT INSPIRED SCENES:

ian's signature on fiona's cast

ian's wearing lip's 8 ball shirt when mickey says he's just a warm mouth, bookending the ian in lips shadow s2 conflict SO awesomely

"thanks for coming back" in 601

the FAITH drawing that i assume mickey made for ian bc it's on his side of the prison cell (and also mickey's gangsters and neighborhood heroes poem but that was still a decoding WIP)

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

i can't particularly think of anything. once i figured out saint mikhailo it all sort of came together.

Favourite line in the story?

"Despite the pockets of wide open green spaces designed meticulously by urban planners, what Ian knows best are the cramped spaces of Chicago: alleyways, back rooms, bedrooms with more than one occupant, train cars.

Cement and gravel and dead grass. 

He’s been on camping trips for ROTC, short stints developing the skills but not the love of an outdoorsman, and Ian is, at his heart, a city rat. There’s too much wide open sprawl in Missouri. It’s suffocating."

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

there were some ideas for scenes that were ultimately cut, but no. the awesome thing about these vignettes is that there isn't always an overall concrete story, it's more like a thematic thesis.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

n/a though i will say i've only been writing Fic for a year or so (i've been writing forever and watched shameless live and was involved in its fandom from s5 on though) and i've never written something that's kinda more abstract like this.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

i've been told by people with bipolar that my depiction of ian's thought processes felt accurate to them, and that makes me really proud. i dunno... even though i'm not bipolar myself the story of ian and monica's relationship is something that hits close to home and i sort of used writing about monica as a way to process the feelings i was having and the things i was going through at the time. so i'm happy that people have felt seen. my intention was that it still keeps an empathetic depiction of both monica and ian without totally erasing the impact their actions had on others bc it really is complex!!

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

yes! i don't have my notes document anymore but i believe there was one i had played around with that had caleb, and another that ultimately made its way into love is a battlefield (during their s10 breakup, ian tries and fails to get off by himself)

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

ian going to the prison and talking out loud (and mickey being in the adjacent yard as evidenced by his use of "you've got it handled") is a callback in canon to lip and fiona's voicemails for karen and JS respectively. but mickey on the opposite side of the fence is supposed to invoke a priest on the opposite side of the mesh in a confessional booth, which is why the next scene is ian in the booth trying to seek guidance from shim and hearing nothing back. and then there's "confessional" sensory callbacks in the prison cell and the shower.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

nothing about the plot. maybe i'd find a way to add more, but i'm channeling some of that into love is a battlefield rn. probably some of the wording/phrasing, but that's just how style develops over time!

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

i would consider love is a battlefield to be an unofficial sequel. the prelude of that is a direct sequel to the ian/fiona scene in observance!

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

the above^ and mickey's juvie buddy who gives them free concessions at games is something i made up but have used a few times. their love for listening to CDs and alt/indie rock music is also something that's seen in details like set dressing, ian naming himself curtis (ian curtis of joy division), and mickey's legit rare radiohead "in rainbows" tour shirt he wears in ep 107 (which also contains serious symbolism weight. my god..).

i did do extensive research on army base training camp and while ian probably wouldnt have gotten the day off from fort leonard to go into springfield, mo, i wanted to parallel the name when monica reports via text that she's in springfield, il. yay

more biblical references included were water as a symbol of baptism/rebirth and the cutting of hair (trying to reference samson). i played a lot with ian's identity crises as well. i don't know who i am from one day to the next i can't guarantee shit!!!

i also tend to use the term "ian/mickey bends" a lot in my other writing because i love the double entendre of compromising/bending to the other's will and how that's different from literally bending over for sexual pleasure. lol

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

n/a, it's not my most popular!

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

ummm neither. i didn't actually expect anyone to read it!! but i love it very much and i'm so glad others do too.

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

the awesome smart amazing wizard by the username of @saintjock cheered me on and inspired me majorly and cornplated with me over imessage every step of the wayyyy

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

epilogue:

"There’s a Bible, long shoved into the back of a jail library.

Ian doesn’t really remember writing it on the end cover, a hundred cosmic connections firing through his head at any given moment. But it’s there, and some inmate who thumbs over it months after Ian’s bailed out won’t know what it means. 

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL, GUARDIAN OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH

PATRON SAINT OF FIRST RESPONDERS, THE MILITARY, GROCERS. SERVITUDE. OBEDIENCE. RESCUES THE SOULS OF THE FAITHFUL, PASSES JUDGEMENT FOR ADMITTANCE INTO HEAVEN. ANGEL OF DEATH.

MIKHAILO DERIVED FROM MICHAEL “HE WHO IS LIKE GOD”

REVELATION 12:7-9 :

MICHAEL CAST SATAN TO HELL. SAMMI GOT LOCKED IN A BOX."

soooo okay. i knew i wanted to connect the dots at the end but i didn't want it to be totally shoehorned. the all-caps bit is verbatim my research notes page from my outline

i wanna go through the connections more concretely!

first responders and the military: ian's occupations obviously

grocers: ian's job again and specifically mickey working security at k+g

servitude, obedience: mickey's devoted to ian in both of these ways, but it's a swinging pendulum. so also ian being obedient to mickey and ian tending to mickey when kash shoots him in s1 despite not having any context in the moment for how it went down.

rescues the souls of the faithful: mickey showing up in prison for ian, and also picking him up when he passed out outside the club

passing judgement for admittance into heaven: mickey's insistence that fiona will be okay after she shows up totally fucked, and her subsequent move to her own personal "heaven" outside of chicago

angel of death: mickey's grim reaper "south side forever" tattoo, his mexico "death" on the same day as monica's actual death, frank dying on their wedding anniversary.

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

there's definitely a lot! like i said it was kinda cathartic for me to write. but other than that, i wanna promo the unofficial sequel ian (and mickey) character study love is a battlefield!! it's clocking in at 40k and i will be uploading the final three chapters this week!

this is a similar style of nonchronological vignettes. less poetry but revolves around the army and the idea that the line between love and hate is thin. a lot of drawing parallels between frank/monica and ian/mickey-- pinpointing places where i+m chose differently that allowed them to reject their destructive nature, or places where they didn't. also exploring sense-memory connection. ian has a scent kink. sue him! but also i have soooo many thoughts on ian and his ability to recall memories. tldr his memory recall might not be That great bc of the episodes and trauma. so sensory experiences help..

where aeeo explores ian's interiority, this one is more about how ian feels about mickey and love as an institution specifically.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mickey, but I do want to write one from Ian’s pov because holy balls that would be fun.

What was your favourite scene to write?

Pretty much any of the dialogue. There’s such a different vibe to this Ian and Mickey while still (hopefully) keeping them in character, and it was fun to explore the banter I usually write with a side of hatred, kink, and dom/sub

How did you come up with the title?

What title? Lmao

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

“That’s not a knife, this is a knife”. The thing about this reference, though, is it was suggested to me by someone who was probably referring to Crocodile Dundee, obviously. But my brain replied with “that’s not a knife, that’s a spoon” … obviously.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

I struggled with not wanting to disappoint, I guess. Hitmen au became a huge part of my kinktober, and I got it into my head that each new one I posted had to be better/hotter/more fucked up than the last. And I don’t think I did overcome this because I still feel that way about any I write in the future.

Favourite line in the story?

From part one:

“Knees.” You close your eyes. You take a steadying breath. You go to your knees.

From part two:

Even in the dark you can see the giant eye roll he gives you. “I liked your mouth so much better when it was stuffed full of my cock.”

Part three:

“Testing. Testing. Mickey likes dick. Testing.” and You can’t because when Ian Gallagher tells you to suck his dick, you ask how hard.

Part four:

“Sick. Little. Fuck.” He smirks. “And I am gonna test every fucking limit you have.”

Part five:

“Fuck,” he whispers. “You’d let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you, Mick?”

Part six:

Mickey: eat dick Gallagher Unknown: time and place, mick

Part seven:

You look at him, eyes wide and horrified, and he stares back – dark, dangerous – and squeezes the fourth into you.

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

There’s a small turn in the final one where Mickey calls him Ian and there are feelings of vulnerability. Obviously they’re going to fall in love, but I never intended to write that. To be honest, I didn’t plan to write more than the gun and knife kinks but you freaks wanted more.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

None of it was my first time. I’ve done hitmen, I’ve done kink, I’ve done dubious consent (elsewhere). I hadn’t done weapons as sex toys, though …

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

So lame, but I’m most proud of how it was received by readers.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

No. There were some bits that got edited, but no deleted scenes.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

I don’t know if anyone cares, but the moment in part 3 where Mickey’s on the phone to White Boy Carl and Ian suddenly takes over? Ian literally walked into the security office upstairs, took the phone from Carl, told him to get the fuck out in a way only a brother (or bother in law 😏) can, and Carl just got up and left without a fight like in the wedding episode because Big Brother lmao. He was never in any danger 😂

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

No. I’m pretty happy with what’s there.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

I’d love to write more.

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

Same answer every time – the name thing.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

It was definitely the most popular part of my kinktober, and fuck yeah I’m surprised. I thought I’d get hate for that shit.

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

So very both. Especially when the first one was dub/con.

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

Mandi @bawlbrayker helped me so hard with this 💜

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

gallavich-annise suggested my favourite part of the build up in knife play, so …

 “Drop your knife so I can show you all the things mine can do. Promise you’ll like them.”

You want to stab him, but your body reacts without your brain’s consent and you drop the knife.

“Hmm. Good boy.”

You glare up at him. “You can fuck off with that right the fuck now.”

“Ooh, boundaries. I like it.”

“I fucking hate you.”

Even in the dark you can see the giant eye roll he gives you. “I liked your mouth so much better when it was stuffed full of my cock.”

Your eyes flutter at the comment and you force them open, force yourself to look up with every ounce of hate inside of you. But that smirk is there, right back in place, and you want to bite his lip hard enough to make it bleed, hard enough to make him moan.

His knife flicks again and again, at the last two buttons on your jacket.

“Take it off.”

You take it off.

You want to kill him, but you also want to fuck him, so all you can do is hope that fucking him to death is an option.

The jacket drops and he crowds you. You step back further and further, but he moves in closer and closer until your back is against the brick wall fence, his body is only inches from yours, and his knife is at your loosened tie. You watch in the light of the lamp, breath held deep in your lungs, as the knife twists and cuts through the tie like it’s nothing. And while he might hear your shuddering exhale, he’ll never know about the surge of arousal that simmers low in your gut.

“You buy this or rent it?” he asks, knife pinging off each shirt button until your chest is bare.

“Borrowed it from your mom,” you say. You glare up at him, but his eyes stay glued to the knife.

“Hmm. You know why I killed him, don’t you?”

He’s talking about your date. You stare up at him, eyebrows in your hairline, but his eyes remain on your shirt.

“Because you’re a fucking dick?”

“Not quite.” He trails the tip of the blade down your torso, and the first touch of blade against your skin has you shivering. “Open it.”

You pull your shirt from your pants and let it hang open.

“Not because I’m a dick,” he says. His gaze is glued to your bare chest as he traces the blade over your skin in movements soft enough to tickle.  “It’s just that seeing his hands on you made me a little … possessive.”

Your chest lifts heavily with each deep breath you take, and there’s a part of you that wants to breathe deeper, push your chest out more, make him press the blade that little bit harder …

Instead, “What? You think you’re the only dick I’ve sucked this year?”

He finally lifts his eyes to look at you, smirk still in place, but eyes dark and unforgiving. “Watch yourself, Mickey.”

“Or what?”

The knife pauses. Stops right in the middle of your sternum. He stares down at you, eyes searching yours, before finally smiling.

“Oh, how silly of me, trying to threaten you with a good time.”

“Fuck off.”

He leans in. “Don’t get me wrong, this banter/foreplay thing we’ve got going here get’s me hard as fuck, but next time? Let’s just get straight to the fucking, okay?”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“Sure, Mickey. Now, lower your pants and show me how you touch yourself.”

You scowl at him, teeth clenched, but his words make your stomach drop, make you undo your belt, pop the button, slide the zip. You lower your pants and boxers and let them pool at your feet.

Okay, that’s more than 500 words, BUT I adore the way Mickey’s verbally fighting back here, all the while doing exactly what Ian tells him to do without a single complaint or push back. They’re arguing/bantering about something else entirely, and while Mickey is pushing back on that front, he just follows every direction Ian gives him from “take off your shirt” to “show me how you touch yourself” and doesn’t give it a single thought. And it has both nothing and everything to do with the knife omg.

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

baba yaga (Barbara Yaga, her ownership of the house ian rents is one of the few things carried over from the original wilde life au concept that i was going for in the first chapter)

i wanted to name the town in Oklahoma something weird and a little creepy but not use a real place. the thing is Oklahoma already pretty much has towns named with every weird creepy combo of words possible (seriously, go skim a map sometime, you will see some wild stuff). In the end i decided on Owl Creek because it's a real name but it's actually not one place, but the name of multiple waterways all across the state. 👍

the rainbow fuck you socks are real socks (i used a photo of them as the cover for the how to disappear playlist) that @michellemisfit sent to me as a gift, i couldnt resist using them in the story.

Glenchad's technique for haunting/traumatizing Ian is inspired by the x-files episode How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

Glen himself is based on and named after Glen McReynolds from one of my favorite movies: Everybody Wants Some!! (the little inside joke i have with myself is that Glenchad hates Ian because Glen in the movie hates pitchers, and in one of my favorite fics, Love is a Ballfield, Ian is a pitcher.) (yeah it gets pretty convoluted inside my brain lol)

the infomercial ian watches on one of the local tv stations is a real product that i found by googling for the weirdest products sold through infomercials

the channel LOCAL 58 is of course an easter egg for the analog horror series by Kris Straub (of whom im a big fan)

the title of the fic itself is also a reference to another work by Kris Straub, a book of short psychological horror stories called Ichor Falls: A Visitor's Guide

mickeyism nickname "livestrong" is of course a reference to famous cyclist Lance Armstrong

Norma's is named for Norma Jennings, a character from Twin Peaks who owns and operates the Double R Diner, a major location used in the TV series.

I was a huge Newsies fan and had a crush on half the cast of the movie as a tween. Christian Bale wasn't my personal favorite but I figured he'd be the most recognizable reference for the general audience!

mickeyism nickname "Cowboy" was the newsie-name that Christian Bale's character went by in Newsies.

Ian and his Taco Bell drop off: I searched food delivery reddits for common horror stories from delivery drivers and turns out the prank of telling a driver there is a cash tip tucked somewhere on the front porch and then watching/filming (and possibly even posting to the internet) the person searching fruitlessly for the tip is disgustingly not uncommon.

the "old-as-fuck British sitcom set in a department store" is Are Your Being Served? - a show i simply remember being on all the time on the local PBS stations back when we still had TV and would just have to watch whatever was on!

Mickey refers to Oklahoma City as "The City" which is the way many locals refer to it.

I had to include Ian getting an order for Subway as a little homage to one of my absolute favorite fics of all time: Intro to Quantum Dating by @spoonfulstar

Ian is flying down the road on his bicycle bearing a single meatlover's footlong. - this is a joke about Ian's giant penis. But he is also actually delivering a meatlover's footlong.

"John D" - is short for John Doe because of course they wouldnt register for the grubhub app with a real name.

the werewolf pack was a little bit inspired by the Hale family from Teen Wolf, the werewolves from grizzly hills in world of warcraft, and the aesthetic of the broke-ass snobby british aristocrats from The Gentlemen TV series.

"Mother Selene" referenced by the pack leader just before the werewolves transform, refers to Selene the Greek goddess of the moon. There's heaps of history from all over europe on the origins of the werewolf myth. for my werewolves i chose to go with the ancient Greeks since "lycanthropy" is a greek word and i had decided that in this universe, the greek gods were fey. Selene was a powerful fey who created lycanthropy and tied the malady to the moon, she made herself the center of a cult of worship and used her werewolves as a vicious personal army to torment and control the humans who lived in what she considered to be her domain. When Ian reaches the center of the hedge maze, the statue he climbs is a statue of Selene (ian mistakes her crescent moon crown she is usually depicted with for horns).

ian in his mind refers to the werewolves as lunatics, just a little tease as the etymology of the word is a madness caused by the moon.

i decided vampires are one of the few things in this universe that dont exist, Mickey references the myth as originating from Bram Stoker's Dracula (though he doesnt specify this), a book that one could argue is about real estate. which is both a joke but also please read this incredible post by @gardenerian because its also...not not a joke.

as a huge fan of Two of Your Earth Minutes by @the-rat-wins, i absolutely HAD to work in a joke in which mickey calls Ian an alien

in chapter 4 the vibe i wanted to capture for Norma's was that of Merlotte's Bar and Grill from True Blood, and many of the characters are based off of or named after True Blood characters.

Eric is named after Eric Northman

Dawn and Tara and Jessica are all characters who at some point were waitresses at Merlotte's. (Though later I realized Dawn and Tara are also iconic Buffy characters, which I happily retcon as being an extra reference)

Glen being a fan of China Beach is a reference to Jenny Nicholson's incredible feature length video essay about the vampire diaries tv series

the fey named paula is named after canon ian and mickey's PO from season 10

the fey named cooper is named after agent dale cooper from twin peaks

aunt barb trades her chickens for an RV - a convoluted reference to the myth of baba yaga having a hut that can move around on giant chicken legs.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mostly Mickey because almost everything I write is Mickey pov. But I did experiment with this by writing those 3rd person Ian snippets, and literally the only reason for it is so the reader could be there for that moment of realisation when Ian figures it all out.

What was your favourite scene to write?

I don't know that I have one, but I really enjoyed the scene where Mickey asks Ian to come to Mexico. Getting to write them being soft, even just for a minute, was nice. And literally any of their flirty banter was fun to write lol.

How did you come up with the title?

I feel like this doesn't need an explanation, lol. I will say, though, I had three other titles in mind. I had "Denouement", "Encontrar", and "Atrapasol". Encontrar means "to find" in Spanish (because I knew it would end with them in Mexico), while "Atrapasol" means "suncatcher". At least, according to Google translate lmao.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

I did a reread in order to write this commentary, so, please, have a list of moments, foreshadowing, and references.

* Mickey's nautical-themed sleeve! “Sailing? Nah, man. I just really like pirates.” Get it? Because he's a thief? And pirates steal shit? Literally no one caught onto that haha * “Uh … growing up the way I did, I’m probably better at the B&E itself rather than tryin’ to solve it.” -- Mickey literally says this in the first chapter lmao * His mind doesn’t go over every detail of the North Side burglaries and he doesn’t obsess over the thief committing them. No thief. Just a bartender. Just Mickey. -- Um, hello? * “Never gonna give that up, are we?” “Never gonna live it down.” “Those aren’t the lyrics.” “Okay, lyric police.” -- 27 Dresses, thank you * Ahh, Mickey's blowjob tattoo. The amount of erotic tattoo designs I looked at for this, but nothing was right. Until Mitch 💜 * He snorts. “Clearly you don’t know many writers.” “I don’t. Should I?” “No. They’re the worst.” -- I'm dying 😂 * Well, this really has turned into a commentary, huh? Apologies. * "A little dry, to be honest." Chapter 3 and 9. Did anyone catch that?

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

The last two chapters. Life completely turned upside-down on me and I couldn't write a thing. Zero motivation, infinity depression. Then, at the beginning of this year ... I dunno. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was writing again and I haven't stopped yet.

Favourite line in the story?

“Catch me if you can, motherfucker.”

“Two, I give you the keys to the cuffs and leave. But first I suck your dick until you come down my throat.”

“I’ll give you what you want, Red, you just have to decide what you want more; the thief, or his mouth?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he whispers. “You did everything, Ian.”

“Interesting,” he says. “I was already half in love with you by then.” 😭

“I’m gonna fuck you now. You know that, right?” You groan and drop your head. “You might just break my fucking heart if you don’t, Gallagher.”

“So long as that lover is you, Gallagher.”

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

Yeah, but only chapters 9 and 10. Initially I was going to write Ian having a depressive episode and Mickey talking to him about everything while he was down, but I hated the idea. I didn't want it to seem like Mickey/the thief was the cause of his episode, and I also didn't want to use it as a tool. The idea changed into a possible attack on Ian, but that still wasn't working for me. So, instead, you got the scene with Mickey handcuffed and Ian asking questions. I switched the vulnerability around and made it way more fun.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

Nah. A little crime with my romance is my go-to lol

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

Finishing it. Kidding. Kinda. Not really.

Actually, though, the dialogue and banter is pretty good. It reads very natural, so I'm proud of that.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

Only what I mentioned above. I wrote the attack on Ian, Mickey sitting with him in hospital ... it wasn't good.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

Oh, the moment where Ian finds the camera and leaves it. He'd just heard Mickey tell him that he stopped watching before things got interesting, and that's what he's thinking about as he puts the camera back down with a smirk. About Mickey not stopping just as things get interesting. I had thought about writing it, too. A scene where Mickey doesn't close the laptop, working consent into it and Ian putting on a fucking show

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

I don't think so. I'm pretty happy with most of it.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

Kinda did. Wouldn't be opposed to doing more. All the cream pie banter I'm rereading is def giving me inspo for if I write more of them oops

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

I think I mentioned this in the commentary for Thicker Than Forget, but Jim Morrison/The Doors lyrics. I don't know, man, it just works for me haha.

Also the name thing - Gallagher/Ian/baby and Mickey/Mick.

There's also the line "It’s gone from bartender and customer having a bit of fun flirting and teasing, to silk sheets and Nine Inch Nails pounding through the speakers." - The NIN might be a reference to Help Me (Tear Down My Reasons) 😏 iykyk

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Excited. Probably more excited to post ch2, though, just for the reaction to Mickey being the thief haha

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

@whaticameherefor always 💜

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

@i-think-you-mean-reduction asked for the scene where Ian asks Mickey on a date which I've pasted below.

A couple of notes on it:

The Riverwalk Cocktail Festival is a real thing in Chicago

I put a stupid amount of research into finding them the perfect date and this just fits.

Reading it back, I love that the Mickey doesn't think of the thief or anything to do with that shit once during this conversation. It's just two guys who like each other, and one's asking the other out on a date. It's just happy.

I think Mickey was so surprised that Ian was asking him out that everything he said and felt and thought was genuine. He even has a moment of "Fucking finally" that he doesn't mean to say, but 100% means.

I'm sad they never did it.

“Just my gut.” He pauses. Smiles. “Speaking of … in the interest of trusting my gut with my personal life as well as my professional life, have you heard of the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival next month?” Your heart skips a beat. Yeah, you’re heard of the fucking festival, and you can’t believe Ian’s doing this. “I’ve been a few times,” you tell him. “Sandy and I go under the pretence of work, and then get shit-faced.” “Okay, so do you maybe wanna go again?” He fingers go back to the coaster, but again he keeps eye contact. “But, you know, with me instead of Sandy.” There’s nothing romantic about the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival unless you go to the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival with romantic intentions. If you go with a date then it’s stupidly fucking romantic and you and Sandy used to talk shit about those assholes every chance you got, but … But the idea of being one of those couples, of going with Ian and having it be romantic … it makes you sick to your stomach how much you like the idea. “You askin’ me on a date, Gallagher?” He stares at you, eyes wide and honest. “Yeah.” “Fuckin’ finally.” You don’t mean to say it. You think it and you mean it, but you don’t mean to say it. Ian’s smile, though, makes the slip worth it. “So that’s a yes?” “Yeah.” “Good.” He smiles. Fucking beams. “Because I’ve already bought tickets, so I would’ve been kinda fucked if you’d said no.” “You already bought tickets?” “Some might call it presumptuous; I call it optimistic.” You shake your head. “Ian, man, those tickets are expensive as fuck –” “Doesn’t matter.” “Matters. At least let me pay you back for mine.” You already know he won’t let you pay for both of them. “Not a chance. This is me trusting my gut, asking you out, and feeling really good about it.” A smile pulls at the corner of your mouth. “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” He smiles right back. “You wanna pull me out of that good feeling, the one I get when you agree to go on a date with me, by bringing up my money woes? Or do you wanna talk about our date and agree upon matching outfits?” “You better be fucking joking.”

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mickey's POV! I think writing this story from Ian's POV would have been much harder, since his perspective on what he's going through would be way more complicated and require more info-dropping for the reader than Mickey's. (Ax does have Animorphs books in his POV, but they're in the first person with an assumed human reader, so the info dropping feels natural.) It makes sense to me that the story felt more natural and "flow-y" coming from Mickey's more familiar POV. And this one did flow easily, much more than most of my stories.

What was your favourite scene to write?

Any of the "cultural exchange" scenes, where Ian is asking for Mickey to explain about a human thing, and then Mickey wants to know if Ian's world has anything similar. So, them talking about ice cream or music, for example. Obviously having Mickey explain stuff is funny and banter-y and thus easy to write, but I love that he also wants to know about Ian's reality from before, even though it's even harder for him to understand (or Ian to explain) than the reverse.

How did you come up with the title?

It's the name of the whole "aliens talk about Earth measurements" trope on TVTropes, and it comes from a quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is one of my favorite books. It's also a CONSTANT joke in Animorphs, as listed on the tropes page. ("It will take one of your hours." "We're on Earth, Ax. They're everyone's hours.") I did intentionally want this story to be "here is this specific trope, Ian/Mickey style," so I leaned into it with the name, as a nod to how unapologetically tropey it really is.

I think I once saw someone refer to the two chapters as being part of the reason it's "two" minutes, which is great and I love it, but that was just a coincidence, as I wasn't originally planning two chapters.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

References I've talked about before: I was big into Elliott Smith at the time, so the record-store owner is based on him ("Sam" is from one of his song titles), and the bartender is also named after one of his songs (Clem, short for "Clementine"). The record store is based on one I used to walk by on my commute to work, including the sign in the window. Mickey makes a joke about Icelandic nose flutes because of this ancient mini documentary about the filming of LOTR that I taped onto a VHS when it first aired (before Two Towers came out!!) and watched over and over with my fellow nerd friends. ("Very difficult instrument to master!") And the thing about Ian wanting to walk around with his shirt unbuttoned because he saw an action star do it on TV was a real argument I had with my mother when I was in preschool.

None of those were intended for readers to get, just jokes between me and myself really! I'm my own first audience, I guess.

Ian saying "I'm LOST" was, now that I think about it, probably a subconscious quote from Lilo and Stitch, aw.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

Ah, it's been too long so I don't remember anymore! Except I remember that chapter 2 was much slower to write than chapter 1, because I wasn't in that same flow of immediate inspiration (rare and precious). Hence, one week for chapter 1, and more like a month for chapter 2. And I see I posted about a sex scene taking me forever around then, so that would be the one at the end of chapter 2. Choreography of where everyone's limbs are going can be exhausting, let's be honest.

Favourite line in the story?

"Yes!” Ian says. “That’s what I want. You. To be with me.”

(Clearly owing a debt to season 4's "this where you want to spend your day off?" / "you're here" convo, but coming in several years ahead of season 10's "i wanna be where you are, Mickey." Anyway, Ian Gallagher's romantic nature, boiled down to its bare essentials)

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

It doesn't really have much of a storyline, if we're being real, since it's more of a "slice of life" situation! So, nope.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

Haha, yes, it was indeed a particular trope!! :D I don't think I had ever written it before, that I can think of. But I definitely did a lot of sci fi in general after that.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

Honestly I'm just so happy that it made other people happy enough that sometimes people still recommend it to other people almost TEN YEARS later! That's always makes me glow with joy. The story amused and delighted me as I was writing it, but I did not especially think it was going to be well received. Some parts of Shameless fandom were kind of judgey about anything that was too "weird" back then; you can see how nervous I was from my preemptively self-defensive tag about Ian being in human form and my "well, that's . . . whatever that is" author's note at the end. But as it turned out, no one was mean about it (to my face, anyway, haha!) and I'm so glad that I did post it, after all.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

Yes! I was reading through it just now to pick out a favorite line, and I saw that Ian had a line where he referred to the concept of "luck." They have a whole convo explaining "luck" to him in the Halloween special, so that would make no sense. Whoops! That's the kind of thing that happens when you write a sequel years and years later. Fixed now. None of you saw nothing, got it?!

I also think that the very first joke doesn't work well ("We put butter on it. Uh, the cow stuff. Not the body stuff.”) b/c I don't think that Mickey knows what "body butter" is anyway, so he wouldn't think to differentiate that. But luckily (?) I don't think readers usually get that that is what I meant by that phrase, anyway. So it's a flop joke that kind of unflops itself? So I've left that one alone. If I ever think of a good fix, I'll probably fix that too, though, b/c it does haunt me ever so slightly.

(I skipped some questions here b/c I'd already covered parts of them in my yapping above)

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

Rereading it now, their grocery shopping is a hilarious insight into what I was capable of cooking myself in my early 20s (not much!). That list would definitely look different if I wrote it now, but after all, people do write what they know, sometimes. :)