every time someone says “ian fell first, mickey fell harder” an angel loses its wings as i hate that trope so much. why do ppl salivate at the idea of someone being “loved less” or “loving more”? it’s so weird. i love the idea of mickey being loved by ian just as fiercely as mickey loves ian. why do fans not want that for their OTP? as it doesn’t really sound like mickey has more to lose so fell harder, “falling harder” sounds like loving more. it’s not a very nice trope and i wish it would die like terry.
*cracks knuckles* anon, you have unleashed something here.
because i absolutely agree with you, but i also see where that reading of their relationship comes from (hear me out!!)
i think that we have to acknowledge the difference between avid fans and general audience. you and i are people who are active fans, who want to dissect the nuance and consider the larger complexity of the characters. there are others who enjoyed the show and watched it at face value, were entertained by what they were shown and that's where their engagement of it ends.
what this means is that there are very different ways to consume media. and they are all valid ways to consume it. i have no right to tell someone they're 'not a fan' or are 'reading it wrong' just because they haven't put the time into it that i have. that's not my place, it's not my business, and it's also generally just gate-keepy and negative and will do larger damage to fandom as a landscape. if people who have never been in fandom are immediately met with vitriol or people being condescending, they're less likely to engage at all.
there is (unfortunately) a lot of meta-textual stuff that impacted how the gallavich relationship played out. and these are things that casual watchers wouldn't necessarily be privy to (contract negotiations, the show meaning to end at s7, cameron's departure and then return, etc).
so, if you view the show without any of that information, and with no hindsight, you can kinda see a disparity in how they treated each other. especially because the show tried to do some active character assassination of mickey (via ian) in season 6. with the added context of the show fumbling noel's contract and the writers trying to bury the relationship, we can see this for the ploy it was. but it likely worked on a lot of viewers, and it was by design. so you can't really blame people for falling into that trap....'cause like.....the trap was purposely laid for them.
all of this is of course giving people the benefit of the doubt and going off of the assumption that people simply took the show at face value and so were led to form certain opinions.
THEN you have people who simply may not have the emotional maturity or media literacy skills to dissect nuance, even when they want to. People who seem to actively misinterpret a character's motivations. These people go hand-in-hand with people who try to justify bad writing as being the character's just 'changing' and so the parameters of what the character would do/say/allow are no longer the same. Again, this isn't something that is necessarily anyone's fault and isn't my business to comment on, because it's a tv show and it's not that deep and it's for entertainment.
so, yeah, maybe people will say 'ian loves less because he dumped mickey and had other boyfriends and talked poorly about it and didn't want to commit'. and the thing is, all of those things are technically true. ian did do those things. so i can see why people may come to certain conclusions.
i just think that's a very watered-down and shallow reading of ian's character, and it doesn't consider the complexity of the show. the show is layered with themes of how someone's upbringing and environments can shape them. ian's a product of his circumstances, the same as any character, and his actions should be viewed through a particular lens in order to appreciate the depth of his character. i think it's a disservice to him to say he doesn't love mickey because he dumped him, without dissecting the WHY and HOW.
I have gone into some detail about my thoughts regarding the initial breakup here. Ian was both selfish and self-righteous, and believed he was acting in both his own self interest, but also mickey's. i truly believe ian thought what he was doing was necessary, and this was hugely influenced by monica's opinion post ian's diagnosis. i believe this break up would still have happened even if the show hadn't lost noel for these reasons. the reconciliation would simply be different. i think that the break up is actually very in keeping with ian's character in context.
in the first 3 seasons ian is the one who is actively fighting to build something with mickey. he wants the best for mickey. he pushes mickey to pursue his own happiness. he gets mickey a job. he hangs out with him. he provides an outlet for mickey to be himself in a world that doesn't accept him. ian did SO MUCH for mickey within his limited means, and within the boundaries of what mickey would allow. and it pains me that people seem to forget that when they look at the later seasons (especially post season 6, because the trap of the character assassination back-fired, and the meta-textual stuff took hold). it seemed to create a divide, either audience members bought into the retcon of their relationship through ian's eyes and saw mickey negatively, or they began to view ian negatively for seemingly slandering mickey with blatant untruths.
and i think the clearest explanation for ian's behaviour throughout this arc is that he suffers from cognitive dissonance. (i actually think a lot of the characters do, especially ian, mickey, and fiona, but that's a different conversation).
cognitive dissonance is a state of mind that causes mental distress. it's when somebody's beliefs are at odds with their actions. and the defining difference between cognitive dissonance and simple denial is self-awareness. people who suffer from cognitive dissonance know that they are behaving in ways that contradict what they believe or how they feel. and it's that awareness that causes them stress and anxiety, and negatively impacts their mental well being. so what does the brain do to counteract this? it justifies and compartmentalizes. the person changes either their behaviour or their beliefs specifically to try to assuage their anxiety.
there's likely a talking point regarding mickey, cognitive dissonance, and internalised homophobia. there's like a talking point regarding fiona, cognitive dissonance, and lying about her upbringing/pretending she is from a higher social class. but again, a different time.
if ian is aware that his behaviour (breaking up with mickey) is at odds with his beliefs (he loves and wants to be with mickey), he is then suffering from cognitive dissonance and is under immense mental strain. and he cannot change his behaviour (mickey is in prison and no longer a viable option romantically) therefore his mind re-packages and compartmentalizes how he views their relationship in order to justify his behaviour to himself.
the fact that mickey is also absent during this time means that ian is never put into a situation where he has to directly confront this way of thinking. he is free to reimagine their relationship without any pushback or anybody to contradict him. and it's this new 'belief' that allows him to keep going and work on himself.
ian also lost a lot of his self-confidence post diagnosis. he was once the most confident, the most sure of himself. he had clear career goals and aspirations, an unparalleled work ethic, and a certainty in his own identity. all of those things were lost to him after he was diagnosed. ian went through a period of not knowing himself, and so therefore doesn't trust that anybody else can know him either.
this low self-esteem comes back to haunt him on multiple occasions, especially when he is confronted with change. he used to rally against the odds. he used to be willing to face change head-on if it would lead to his end goal. but he doesn't have that same confidence anymore. he believes that his diagnosis has redefined who he is, and makes him undesirable. he broke up with mickey because he felt he was a burden and didn't want to be babied. he assumed mickey would see the bipolar first and ian second. ian then told mandy that he believed caleb would eventually leave him when he witnessed an episode.
during the marriage argument ian says 'i don't know who i am from one day to the next. i can't guarantee shit' and 'how can you know that that's what you want to spend the rest of your life with?' He's not doubting his own feelings for Mickey, he's doubting his own self-worth. He doesn't believe that he is worth staying with. He thinks this argument is in Mickey's best interest, he worries that Mickey will regret marrying him.
So even when it may appear that Ian is putting up roadblocks in their relationship, he's still thinking of Mickey.
NOW, let's consider Mickey's perspective!
Mickey was unable to live authentically for a long time, and actively put up roadblocks himself in the early days. His reasons may be more understandable to some audience members because they are physical threats and outside forces. People can see Terry wanting Mickey dead, and understand that is a valid concern for Mickey. People may not be able to have the same kind of empathy for Ian, because his hurdles are internal and are closely linked to his mental illness and self-worth.
it's easy for people to say "Mickey's concerns are valid" when Terry is right there saying "I'll fucking kill you." It's harder for people to understand "Ian's concerns are valid" when Ian keeps saying "how can you love me?" when Mickey is consistently saying that he does.
But both of them had valid reasons for behaving and thinking the way they did.
Mickey also had never had any real love or affection in his life before ian, so there's a much starker contrast that makes it more apparent. His love seems bigger or more grand, or more obvious because of that contrast. Mickey went from caring about nobody, to putting Ian above everything. There's very little grey area. He had further to fall, and so it seems more monumental when the fall actually happens. He went from 0 to 100. This gave Mickey more opportunity to make grand gestures.
Ian has always been open with his affection, he's worn his heart on his sleeve. He's affectionate and earnest and loves his family and his friends. His capacity to love feels more like a natural extension of himself and a part of his overall character, rather than something that is specifically tied to Mickey.
The audience can see where Mickey started and where he ended as being vastly different people. And Mickey's overall story arc is a love story, because he is changed by Ian's love. He learns to love himself through his love for Ian. He defies his abusive father in order to love Ian. Every aspect of Mickey's story in terms of his growth is tied to Ian.
Ian was a main character throughout the whole show who had substantial relationships with many characters. He had many formative story arcs separate from their relationship.
They love each other more than anything. But from a storytelling perspective their love story is a larger fraction of Mickey's overall arc than it was of Ian's. And that's because of all of the things I've listed above. Ian's family. Ian's goals. Ian's diagnosis. Ian's self-worth. The periods of Mickey's absence where Ian has no choice but to rebuild. We are afforded the opportunity to see Ian as an individual in a way we do not always get to see Mickey.
And again, with a face value viewing of the show, and a surface level understanding of nuance and media literacy, we inevitably end up with people thinking this means Mickey 'loves more' or 'fell harder'. But that's just an oversimplification and untrue.
Love is not something that can be quantified. Love looks and feels different to everyone. And what matters is that they always managed to give each other the love they each needed when it mattered.
