the shy one hides his face

oh shit let me guess. let me guess. you're anthony fantano being sucked into a jet engine. yeah. yeah, just like the last four fucking rounds. yeah i don't really wanna play charades with you anymore

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

I work for the Marriott next to a convention center and every time theres a furry convention we get complaints about the continental breakfast having hair in it and im like what do you want me to do? Shave them? Shave the fucking furries?