Shadoweddawn

Maya and Carina ♡ Every kiss (Season 3 - 6)

Maya’s growth in 6x10

STATION 19 | Come as You Are (6.09)

I want to start this by saying that, at least in my opinion, understanding someone and being aware of their struggle, DOES NOT mean agreeing on everything they do.

You can empathize with Maya's situation and, at the same time, recognise some of her actions are hurting her and the people around.

Maya's reluctance to get help is hurting Carina, it's hurting Maya in the first place, but we have to also take into consideration where she's coming from: a place of trauma that is reverberating and she only knows one way to deal with it, to repress it.

So she embraces the pain.

Is it healthy? No.

Is it the right thing to keep doing considering it's not working? Definitely no.

But Maya IS communicating: whether you liked the outcome of that conversation or not, Maya explained Carina where she is, her point of view, why she's doing this.

She didn't fight, she didn't yell: she explained and communicated.

She needs help, we all know that, she's not just there yet.

And all this premise just to say that it upsets me when I read things like "Maya doesn't deserve Carina's love", "she should leave her", "she's selfish and manipulative" cause that's simply not true.

Much to your "empathy shout-out", you need to remember that mental health issues are a real thing, even recovery is not always linear and when you're dealing with it, things aren't easy or fixable in the blink of an eye.

Two episodes ago, Maya clearly pushed Carina away and everyone was coming at her; last week, she took a step forward and immediately, everyone was loving her again.

I'm sad to be saying this, but this storyline is showing how, for many people, mental health issues are accepted and 'understood' only as long as they can be romanticised.

If Maya has a panic attack and Carina is able to calm her, to ground her, then it's "cute", "soft", "they're so in love", but if Maya is clearly battling with depression, unhealed trauma and many other things, then she's just "not good enough" for Carina.

If you're reading this post, I honestly hope this can be seen as a way to start a conversation, not a conflict, because I'm not looking for any of that.

However, I made this to remind to people that many of us relate to Maya, many of us already feel "too messed up to be loved", so when we read such things, when people confirm all these fears, I can assure you, it hurts.

Maya has never worked through her trauma. Ever. Knowing you were abused, knowing you have trauma is not the same thing as trying to work through that, and confront the past, and grow in a healthy way.

Maya has to learn that. And Carina can’t make her. And that’s the issue to me. Maya doesn’t think she needs to - embrace the pain, work through it, you’ll get through it. That doesn’t make her less deserving of love, it just means she needs some help to SEE she deserves it.

Carina has her own trauma SHE needs to work through- she has always had to be the caregiver, the strong one, and right now feels completely alone at a time that should be special for Maya and Carina. She needs to have some support, and the one person she wants and needs isn’t there, can’t be there. And that’s hard to see and know.

This is hard on them BOTH. They are both hurting. And honestly, that scene in the station was one of my favorites, even though it broke my heart.

Carina is completely valid in what she’s saying - she wants Maya to get help for them, she’s telling Maya that what Maya is doing doesn’t work for their family.

Maya is completely valid in what she is saying - guys the last time they had a big argument about mental health/abuse/trauma - Maya walked away and slept with Jack - she was fully in self destruct mode and literally PUSHED Carina away in the most destructive way possible.

Now - she was just talking, communicating, telling her wife that where she is - she is handling things in her way. To her, she is working through it, processing in her way. She takes what Carina is saying as controlling instead of care (because care to her is control, I think?) she IS showing that she cares and loves Carina, just maybe not in the way Carina needs. Anymore than Carina is showing Maya love and support in the way SHE needs.

We as the audience obviously get to see more, and see that what Maya is doing isn’t healthy - and it doesn’t work for their family. But for where Maya is mentally, she’s embracing the pain, any weakness results in punishment, so she just accepts it and works out, it’s the only thing she can do. She doesn’t hear what Carina is really saying, because she only knows her trauma response, the same way as Carina only knows hers, which is to push a little to help people.

Maya doesn’t see the bigger consequences that she’s shutting Carina out, or not being available for Carina’s problems, especially when it comes to them possibly having a baby.

I think Carina taking the test on her own - at some point she has to put her own boundaries in place. She loves Maya, she wants to be with Maya…she also can’t sacrifice her own mental health trying to get Maya to understand hers and Maya be willing to put in the work to process her trauma. At some point, Carina is entitled to protect her heart and mind, and tell Maya she’s here, and wants to get through it (like the first scene) but not put her life on hold.

But do not act like they do not love each other. This is messy, and complicated, and hard, and requires work. And it’s going to be worth it, I hope. But you’ll never convince me that Maya doesn’t love Carina with every bit of her, and Carina loves Maya just as hard. And if you don’t see that…I don’t think we’re watching the same show.

What’s the rule? Always look forward. Always look forward.

Maya looking like a superhero on that 🎡